AND FUCK FLORIDA, TOO!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Just exactly how long, I ask you, shall we labor under the tyranny of Squiddy?  Have we not indulged her mindless head-games long enough?  Is there no end to her senseless and disruptive shenanigans?  And why does she have so many mutated cats?

That last one is easy.  Her very presence fucks up their DNA sequences.  The exact mechanic that allows this is unknown, but probably has something to do with quantum.  It is no coincidence that EVERY cat she owns begins to transform into something hideous.  It is also no coincidence that the PEOPLE in Florida are starting to look a little weird.

Her antics in public also bring a stain upon our fair religion.  Need I remind anyone here that the 2000 election was decided in Florida?  Hanging chads, indeed.  Need I remind anyone here that Disneyland is in Florida?  Jeb Bush?  Katherine Harris?  Tell me that's all coincidence.  Go on, I dare you.

Then there's the sad case of Enki, who was a normal young man until he made the mistake of being in the chat room alone with Squid & Fred (whom we'll deal with later).  Now he's a clueless lump of assburgers that somehow isn't sure if he's a virgin (WTF?).

Her tattoos radiate evil, and serve as a gateway for creatures from the Spaces Beyond.  She braids caltrops into her hair before going head-banging.  She is rumored to speak German, and we all know what THAT means, right? 

Now, she will deny all these things, but the truth of the matter is self-evident.  A)  She lives in Florida.  B)  She knows all the words to every 1970s sitcom theme song.  C)  She has a pointy smile.

In closing, it is my belief that we have to quarantine Florida and New York City (she maintains a lair there), and drop nukes all over them.  Big nukes.  Really, really big fucking nukes.  For the children.

[Freeky]

I agree with points put forward and support and approve the measures suggested in this thread!


However, couldn't we just saw Florida and NYC off of America?  They'd float away and become either Cuba or Belgium's problem.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

A) Fear my mighty flamingos!
B) Your nukes have no power over our palmetto bugs and cockroaches. They are as big as your head and made out of Richter's bastard hard armor!
C) Cuba is my problem
D) There's nothing wrong with my cats they are perfectly well behaved and stunning examples of feline PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF I couldn't keep that up for long 
E) Enter at your own risk I dare ya! Cause if ya can't beat em, join em... TO DEATH
F) What fucking rambling are you on about this time? I make perfect god damned sense when I speak buttplug. (see?)

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

F) What fucking rambling are you on about this time? I make perfect god damned sense when I speak buttplug. (see?)

BUTTPLUG:  THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE 2012 TUCSON CRIMINAL OLYMPICS.

[Freeky]

F) What fucking rambling are you on about this time? I make perfect god damned sense when I speak buttplug. (see?)

BUTTPLUG:  THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE 2012 TUCSON CRIMINAL OLYMPICS.

If you don't speak buttplug, can we even consider you anything more than a smart animal?  We're talking serious heathen cred, here.

[Suu]

A) Fear my mighty flamingos!
B) Your nukes have no power over our palmetto bugs and cockroaches. They are as big as your head and made out of Richter's bastard hard armor!
C) Cuba is my problem
D) There's nothing wrong with my cats they are perfectly well behaved and stunning examples of feline PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF I couldn't keep that up for long 
E) Enter at your own risk I dare ya! Cause if ya can't beat em, join em... TO DEATH
F) What fucking rambling are you on about this time? I make perfect god damned sense when I speak buttplug. (see?)

...So THAT'S where my parents' pink lawn flamingos went...


You stay the fuck away from anything West of Rte 27. Keep you and your fucking toll roads AWAY FROM MY TAMPA BAY. 

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

HEY! Those toll roads are how I pay for all these SHOES bitch!

Somebody's gotta fork over the flow for this addiction and the fucking charities, churches and "good samaritans" ain't payin out.



BTW there's like three pairs I have my eyes on right now and just thinking about them are making me break out into a sweat. I need more garden gnomes. WHERE IS MY ARMY OF GARDEN GNOMES!

[Richter]

All this about Squid is true.  She and ze mister played "Nice" when they came up to see us, and so minimal scarring resulted.  Leln reported holing up in a corner of that poor casino, rocking back and forth while she played "games" with the natives.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

No one can hear you screaming amidst all the racket of those lights, bells and whistles. And the little old ladies tethered to those slot  machines by those cards care not for your safety but only for the promise of making a buck for every five they lose.


Ha ha ha. HA HA HA!


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAaaaaaaa! *cough*

[Suu]

HEY! Those toll roads are how I pay for all these SHOES bitch!

Yes, but $750 and a pair of Jimmy Choos JUST to go on the Beeline is a little much, don't you think? Let's not even TALK about 417...My sister was flabbergasted that you exhausted her supply of Blahniks just crossing the state and back in one day. Next time, we're charging the Sunpass.

Just to think, that whole time I was bitching to you about Voldemort it was really you all along. I knew he was your evil puppet...Who else would actually elect a governor that looks just like a damn Harry Potter villain? ON PURPOSE? Oh, don't blame this on the old people, either. Most of them packed up and left for Tucson after Charley/Frances/Ivan. I know that was also part of your dark plot, and, as much as we the people of Bay Area thank you for freeing us from the clutches of Blueheads, is it really worth the sanity damage on Roger and Freeky? Really?

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

They will be fine. As long as they keep an unending supply of ensure and centrum silver available in Walgreens.

Now, to continue my plot to bleed the Cubans and wannabe businessmen of their hard earned monies with as few roads as possible!
JIMMY CHOO... I LOVE YOU!!

[Suu]

They will be fine. As long as they keep an unending supply of ensure and centrum silver available in Walgreens.

Meanwhile, the ones that remained are extra fucked up. My sister had a fine old gent tell her that blacks only became citizens 10 years ago, and just today, a snappy old lady told her that she was fat.

Because, you know...my sister is 12lbs soaking wet.

Really, Squid, how could you do this to us? To my SISTER, who shares the same ungodly love of expensive shoes as you do?

[Kai]

I second the points put forward by The Good Reverend. Florida has too long eclipsed the weird of Wisconsin, and it's high time that changed. The ringleader is the Squiddy, and she has the wrong values. This is a travesty.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

MY VALUES ARE GOLDEN!
For my benefit anyway.

It's obvious you people are just jealous of the GLORY that is my kingdom.
I mean, it's not like you're not all welcome here. Got booze? Shoes? Meat? Then come on in.




or maybe I'll feed you to the gators.

IT'S A CRAP SHOOT