should've said something

[Hoser McRhizzy]

Stuff I Can Not Fail At Again This Year in the Same Way as Last Year: I'm taking this near worldwide consensual re-set as an opportunity to self-analyse and see what my scheduled navel-gazing turns up.

It's been expressed that New Year's Resolutions are stupid because they're only made by people who can't resolve to do anything at any other time of year.  I disagree.  I stopped smoking on September 10th 2010 which means I'm legally allowed to have New Year's Resolutions. 

My Resolutions do NOT include the size of my ass needing to expand or shrink, my need to keep a better filing system or any other ritualistic self-betterment-flagellation.  That road leads to nothing except stretch-marked butts and messy desks.  We all know these things.  That said.
[/datclaimer]


Numbing and raw (-30 with the windchill) I wasted entire weeks in 2011 on regret.  Not the productive act, but fantasizing about what Might Have Been had I made my decisions differently, better, smarter, more altruistically and so on.  I admit I've taken sick days and ended up staying in the apartment, thinking this way.  And the evidence of this otherwise waste of a year's worth of rethinking shows one truism: I will continue to fuck up. 

Now, I resolved not to fuck up habitually over a decade ago and I thought I'd kept to it pretty well with the "Insanity is doing the same thing etc." reminder.

Not so, as it turns out.  It seems there's something I haven't tried.

Exhibit A
On the subway with acquaintances in early spring, 2011.  My seatmate is a 250 lb woman who, when she pulls a macdonald's Big Mac hamburger out of her purse, councils me that when one is trying to lose weight, one should eat at least 5 times a day.  Otherwise, the body will enter Starvation Mode. 

Laughing rattled about inside my scull.  But I didn't say anything.  That would be rude.  She obviously has Issues.  That, and she can kill me with her neck fat.  Excuses, excuses.

Exhibit B
Fall 2011 and a skinny white snarkboy in skinny-jeans with his lips permanently pursed informs me that the First Nations' idea of sexual oddballs being "two-spirited" is OPPRESSIVE because it's binary.  And he's going to teach all the Injuns about what the word Queer means, thus continuing the grand tradition of enlightening the savages.  This makes him way left.  All of this, announced in my office doorway in stagevoiced Academese.

And my jaw dropped, eyes bulged and I remember my head rocking side-to-side in a "No" motion.  But I didn't SAY anything.  That would be mean.  And to be honest, I do assume he's exactly the type of guy who'd sue me for character assassination if I call him a poo-head. 

What are all these excuses for, anyway? 

Exhibit C
Summer 2011 and the skeletal zombie with no thighs and eyes like elbows - surviving on Prozac and a handful of raw organic almonds a day - makes a 1/2 hour speech about sustainable agriculture.  She tells us all that she doesn't put "That Junk" in her body.  Junk here, being any food that isn't grown on the roof in one's own feces, apple peels and 50$ bag fertilizer-woodchip accelerant, presumably.

And what did I do?  I rolled my eyes.  I laughed about it later with my lady love.  But when it counted for something?  I didn't SAY anything.


I offer these little lowlights of last year to illustrate plainly what my character, through sheer force of repetitive action, has become.  Sign petitions, march, talk about feelings if it'll help matters, add comments that helpfully continue important discussions, talk to strangers, constructively council students when they ask...  In Short, I've grown accustomed to speaking when it's polite and Good to do so.  This is why I lose.  It's also one of the broken bones of the Left Wing, but that's an already told story.

Somewhere along the way, I got the idea that it is unspeakably rude to point out to stupid people that they're stupid.  Somewhere on this path, I swallowed that it's pure meanness to explain to them exactly why they are wrong.  My navel tells me it's got something to do with being nice to the Fundies, North American anti-intellectualism and walking on my toes so the floor doesn't creak. 

And that's yet another story we all know.  But the short story here is this.  Despite my best intentions, I've learned well how to keep my mouth shut, and have done admirably in terms of scoreboards for over 3 decades. 

My New Year's Resolution is to start 2013 (Quetzalcoatl Willing) without this same obsessive regret.  Even if I press down too hard on the other side of the see-saw and end up whining about how I never should have said those terrible, stupid things in 2012.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Somewhere along the way, I got the idea that it is unspeakably rude to point out to stupid people that they're stupid.

It is in fact your duty.

Being "nice" is not the same as being "good".  It is important for their own welfare that they become aware that they are stupid...Otherwise, there's no telling what awful fate they can gin up for themselves.  The gentleman who felt the need to counsel Native Americans on sexuality being a prime example.  The mind fairly boggles at the thought of his second half hour on the reservation, and then everything mercifully fades to black.

As an educator, you must educate...And important data like "you're an idiot" is no exception.

[LMNO]

I cannot endorse this resolution strongly enough.


Mainly, because i could use a dose of doing that, myself.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

"eyes like elbows"

Best simile of 2012, bet nobody tops that. I still feel pointy from reading it.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Not directly related but you guys talk to people on public transport in toronto? That would never happen here. And toronto seems like a weird ass place.

Aside from that im going to have to make more of a point to do the same. Its one thing if youre pointing it out to a friend since theres a comfort zone.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Not directly related but you guys talk to people on public transport in toronto? That would never happen here. And toronto seems like a weird ass place.

Aside from that im going to have to make more of a point to do the same. Its one thing if youre pointing it out to a friend since theres a comfort zone.

Toronto is freak fucking central.  It is one of the two cities I'd prefer to live in, given the chance.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It occurs to me, Hoser, that your being Canadian is a distinct handicap, here.  You're all so fucking NICE that it makes the rest of us want to SICK UP with sympathetic reactions to your HATE CONSTIPATION.  You, as a people, have an impacted hate gland problem that beggars the imagination...Making it all the more horrible when "the big turd" finally passes (this only occurs after Germany invades someone), and you blow a bunch of Manitoba all over someone (like Germany).

Obviously, there are some exceptions, and they're all named Hoops, who - as you know, just as I know - is a horrible fucking freak who drops puppies off of overpasses when he can't find any sheep to "meditate" with.  But for the most part, you are a collection of ~ 30 Mn people who need to learn how to LOSE THEIR SHIT IN PEACETIME, and maybe smack someone from Quebec.

Bear with me here...When was the last time you shouted "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" to someone you hated?  When was the last time you had to patch your drywall because you threw shit at the plastic people on your teevee and missed?  When was the last time you choked a motherfucker out?  Or just screamed obscenities from one car to another?

I bet it's been years, because I've met you, and you're one of those civilized people who would make the world a better place if there were more than a dozen of you alive at the same time.  But there aren't, and you are at the mercy of cannibals from Napanee. 

Let the hate flow, Hoser.  Shit your hate or YOU WILL DIE.

Everyone's got some Manitoba in them.  Poop yours onto the people in your OP.

That is all.  You may now return to your "Red Rose Tea".

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Came to some very similar ideas yesterday. Post on FB did it. Some guy got "un-friended" for rebutting an Objectivist on his list about Ayn Rand. Bunch of people put some funny ass one-liners as comments afterwards and then the "edicate police" showed up. "FB isn't really the place for stuff like this." "Hey guy, gee-willikers, why you wanna bring up controversial topics that you know is just gonna rile people up?" "People get too mouthy over the internetz, let's sit down and talk Rand in a civilized and intellectual matter over coffee." etc, etc, etc.

Funny thing is, Rand would have shit her pants over that kind of talk. I've noticed I have exactly the same kind of tendencies to bite my lip when I should be biting a face off. It's kind of been pounded into my head though. "Oh you just like to be contradictory." "Why are you such a know it all?" "I have my beliefs, you have yours, why are you trying to force yours on everybody?" etc, etc, etc. The thing about it is, there's no such pressure to STFU if you don't actually know what you're talking about. If someone is saying something butt-dumb, I know anything I have to say in response is going to hit the nail on the head...and that might, you know, make them look bad...and even somewhere like this forum where, refreshingly, I'm often well over my head, I have a tendency to craft shit to be as tone neutral as I can.

I think this line of thought has some pretty crummy effects personally and nasty fucking effects culturally. Small bit of my response:

If I'm gonna choose my horror I'd pick a dystopian absurdity where folks can apply for a permit to offer 141 characters of commentary a week on the subject of simulated pinochle hands, but since reality's not likely to give a damn what I want, I'm smelling something more along the lines of "disappearances" are not considered polite conversation in what's supposed to be a light-hearted affair.

I do a lot of poring over the logic and reasoning of what I put out there. I do a lot of tailoring to the venue. I do a lot of hemming and hawing because I've got all of about 36 years of teaching telling me that the only safe way to think for myself is to do so within a somewhat rigid framework of style, tone and content. But I've got a real strong sense these days that if your sacred cow comes anywhere near my slaughterhouse floor, neither the messy splattering, nor the tears of the butt-hurt are things I will be going out of my way to avoid in my response.

[Hoser McRhizzy]

Thanks for the feedback.

Not directly related but you guys talk to people on public transport in toronto? That would never happen here. And toronto seems like a weird ass place.

Not usually, but it does happen.

Some of it's that nervous over-friendliness of Canadians new to Toronto, twitching over their inability to reconcile their Polite Canadian Nationhood Training with the ssu-surrying scurrying shrews, omni-present smell of piss and disinfectant, and the fact they've been shoulder-checked a dozen times because they haven't learned yet that there is a manner in which one navigates the transit system.  I think noobs to big cities all over the world probably exhibit different flavours of the same egocentric, frantic "friendliness."  (After which, they shut up and directly enter stage 2, where they're just as self-centered but decide to be as mean and sniveley as possible to everyone and their dog.)

After you mentally accept that you are One Of Them (or after 3 years have passed and you realize you can never leave), you get to choose how you behave in public transit. 

In my case, I've noticed if I'm depressed and try not to interact with other people, I get more depressed.  So there's this other kind of talking.  Practiced, calm, pleasant, not terse, yet en guarde to the inevitable yearly lecture from some guy who asks me for directions (I assume you already know the lecture I'm talking about?  "Thanks for helping me out.  By the way, most girls if they're smart don't talk to men on the subway unless they want to get raped.  You should be more careful.")  Luckily, these lectures are just a toll to pay and the good, surprising conversations come later.  Of course, I go blank and become the masses just like everyone else if a potential minefield gets on board, but otherwise, I'm open to events occurring.  I know it sounds like work and it can be, but the alternative is surfacing more tired and cranky than I was before I entered The System.

Rules are: do never zone out and mindlessly smile in everyone's face - I can't know who just came from a funeral, got fired, worked double-shifts for an abusive boss, etc. - and that kind of "friendly" is just as selfish as the first kind.  Also, every person you pass will assume you want in their pants. 

Then there's hoops' brand of Talking On The Subway, which I've heard he does entirely through the use of quantums and matrix-like access to the PA system.  What happened when he caught that tour group silently reading Poetry On The Way*... terrible, terrible.  I wasn't even there and I still have tinnitus.

* ESL-accessible simple single-serving poems, often Canadiana-themed, branded as TTC-approved art.  "Oh the birch canoes of my white wintery home" and such.

Toronto is freak fucking central.  It is one of the two cities I'd prefer to live in, given the chance.

^this is truth^  The other city is Tuscon, I take it?

Some guy got "un-friended" for rebutting an Objectivist on his list about Ayn Rand.

HOLY SHIT!  That happened?  And on Facebook???  That poor guy...  Thank you for telling me, and thank god you were there to help!



Sorry new guy (and welcome), I have a hate-on for folks who bring Anne Rand into conversations about other things.  It feels culty and I tune out.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Toronto is freak fucking central.  It is one of the two cities I'd prefer to live in, given the chance.

^this is truth^  The other city is Tuscon, I take it?

Tucson doesn't give you a chance.  The other City is Boston/Providence.

[Hoser McRhizzy]

It occurs to me, Hoser, that your being Canadian is a distinct handicap, here.  You're all so fucking NICE that it makes the rest of us want to SICK UP with sympathetic reactions to your HATE CONSTIPATION.  You, as a people, have an impacted hate gland problem that beggars the imagination...Making it all the more horrible when "the big turd" finally passes (this only occurs after Germany invades someone), and you blow a bunch of Manitoba all over someone (like Germany).

Obviously, there are some exceptions, and they're all named Hoops, who - as you know, just as I know - is a horrible fucking freak who drops puppies off of overpasses when he can't find any sheep to "meditate" with.  But for the most part, you are a collection of ~ 30 Mn people who need to learn how to LOSE THEIR SHIT IN PEACETIME, and maybe smack someone from Quebec.

Bear with me here...When was the last time you shouted "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" to someone you hated?  When was the last time you had to patch your drywall because you threw shit at the plastic people on your teevee and missed?  When was the last time you choked a motherfucker out?  Or just screamed obscenities from one car to another?

I bet it's been years, because I've met you, and you're one of those civilized people who would make the world a better place if there were more than a dozen of you alive at the same time.  But there aren't, and you are at the mercy of cannibals from Napanee. 

Let the hate flow, Hoser.  Shit your hate or YOU WILL DIE.

Everyone's got some Manitoba in them.  Poop yours onto the people in your OP.

That is all.  You may now return to your "Red Rose Tea".

TETLEY!     Were you raised on the rock or not?

But you ask fair questions.  I have never told anyone I hate them, I haven't yelled at anyone that I can remember, never choked anyone, etc.  I never missed the tv though, back when I got my boob-tube fix through that old clunker. 

(digression - It's so easy and common for people now to brag about how they don't watch tv, or describe the liberating act of destroying theirs - I used to tell this story too, just like everyone else; meanwhile, I'm watching hours of YouTube, staring unblinking into this screen from the moment I get up etc.  So glad I did my bit in Smashing that Symbol of Oppression  )

Yeah, it's been never, that I can remember.

Again, you speak truth (about my Inner Manitoba).  I have to think on this post for a bit.

Toronto is freak fucking central.  It is one of the two cities I'd prefer to live in, given the chance.

^this is truth^  The other city is Tuscon, I take it?

Tucson doesn't give you a chance.  The other City is Boston/Providence.

Ah!  I should have guessed.  So you're talking about Suu-Twid-LMNO-land.  I've heard tell of it, but I'm not convinced it's real yet.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

TETLEY!     Were you raised on the rock or not?

ACK!  I've been ooted!

Again, you speak truth (about my Inner Manitoba).  I have to think on this post for a bit.

I spent a year in Manitoba, one week.  It explained to me why Canadians make such good shock troops, and why the rest of Canada is so nice.

Ah!  I should have guessed.  So you're talking about Suu-Twid-LMNO-land.  I've heard tell of it, but I'm not convinced it's real yet.

Oh, it's real...But I think it was on its best behavior while I was there.

[LMNO]

Just wait until one of our bazillion sports teams wins something.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Just wait until one of our bazillion sports teams wins something.

You can just retreat to Providence until the screaming stops, right?

[LMNO]

I fear the Principality may not be welcoming to our kind.

That, or I95 South is the road to perdition.