Uncomfortable topics: Let's talk about race

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Let's start with the fact that I like this chick: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2391884/mixed_minute_one_drop_rule/

Also, here is a project she spoke of which is about being multiracial Asian and other: http://seaweedproductions.com/the-hapa-project/hapa-about/

OK. Now, I will talk about what it's like to be multi-racial. I will start with the fact that growing up, most of my white friends said things like "I don't think about race" and "I don't think of you as being non-white".

I probably don't have to dissect those statements for the people here.

It's a given that if you are white, you don't have to think about race, because you are the "default". However, those of us who are not technically (or legally) white do have to think about it. I am in an interesting position as a nonwhite person who is really on the borders of being able to "pass". I have light skin and freckles, and my black hair is curly and not kinky. I could possibly "pass" with an uncritical audience who were willing to overlook my obviously black and native american features. I am, in fact, half white... half Norwegian/Scottish, even, and it doesn't get a whole lot more white than that. But I digress.

In 1995, I married a white man, and proceeded to have children with him. One is a blue-eyed blond with freckles, a fabulously homegrown cornfed-looking white boy of almost overwhelming American (white) good looks. The fact that he looks almost exactly like my (Native and black) father is of no matter in terms of how people perceive him; he is functionally white for all intents and purposes. It makes me feel like sicking up in my mouth a little to write out things like "functionally white". But we (and by we I mean anyone who is aware of the fucked state of race relations) all know it's a wretched part of reality.

My son, despite being genetically a "man of color", will receive the benefits of being a white man in this society. In addition, he will receive the benefit of being incredibly handsome, which is his nonwhite grandfather's legacy. Truly the best of both worlds.

So. Let's talk about my oldest daughter.

She, by some social standards, got fucked in the genetic lottery. While my son has my slimness and his father's pale coloring, my daughter got my coloring and her father's chub. So we made a gorgeous white boy and a chubby young woman (with perhaps ironically classic 1920's-silent-film-(white)-beauty features) who identifies as "not-white", even though by recent Federal ruling she does not legally qualify for any scholarships or programs for black women.

I don't worry for her future, for many reasons including that she is absolutely, objectively a genius, and incredibly charming and socially adept, and she has a college fund. However, I get to watch this bizarre racial showdown of my own children play out right before my eyes; the popular blonde athlete and the little girl about whom a friend's child once asked, "Mom, why are Nigel and Jeti black, but Taro and Deedle are white?"

So, my oldest daughter and I are black. It's kind of weird. It's weird when I hear Jeti on the phone trying to describe her ethnicity to a friend. It's weird hearing Taro telling someone "Well, my grandfather is black and indian but I guess I'm basically white..." and it's weird anytime I date a white guy who is looking for "authenticity", because I ain't got it. I am authentically Portland, authentically Pacific Northwest, authentically a flameworker, and I have years of authenticity as a retail employee and a coffee jockey, but I am not authentically racially goddamn anything. Really.

Other than the fact that being not-white makes a person different from the default, and you can't escape it or not-know it. Ever. Reminders are everywhere and constant. I look forward to the "browning of America" because it would be awesome for me, and all three of my kids, the white one, the black one, and the one who is still disconnected from racial identity, to just relax and feel normal. For a change.

Forever and ever, amen.

[Freeky]

What I said in that other thread, kind of feel like an ass now.    

[hooplala]

Nigel, this was a fascinating peek into your life and how "the race card" informs that life.  I often forget how easy I have it in this culture... (and by "often" I actually mean "99.9% of the time") It made me uncomfortable to read the part about white people saying "I never think about race", because I've said it before, and while it's an honest statement (I don't), it never occurred to me how problematic a statement it was, and is.  I mean, I don't believe in a god, and so one would think the ovious jump here would be for me to say "I never think about the possibility of there being a god", but christ I do.  A lot. 

So, the question now is... for me, anyway... WHY don't I think about race?

This is something to chew on, because the obvious answer seems like it would be 'fear', but of what? 

Thank you for opening this up Nigel.  I have some thinking to do.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What I said in that other thread, kind of feel like an ass now.   

Don't. See my reply in that thread.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nigel, this was a fascinating peek into your life and how "the race card" informs that life.  I often forget how easy I have it in this culture... (and by "often" I actually mean "99.9% of the time") It made me uncomfortable to read the part about white people saying "I never think about race", because I've said it before, and while it's an honest statement (I don't), it never occurred to me how problematic a statement it was, and is.  I mean, I don't believe in a god, and so one would think the ovious jump here would be for me to say "I never think about the possibility of there being a god", but christ I do.  A lot. 

So, the question now is... for me, anyway... WHY don't I think about race?

This is something to chew on, because the obvious answer seems like it would be 'fear', but of what? 

Thank you for opening this up Nigel.  I have some thinking to do.

Thank you.

"Why" is really easy. It's the same reason I never think about changing my boat's oil. I don't have a boat.

You don't have to feel guilty about never thinking about race. In fact, that would be an awesome default. I WISH that was the universal default. The problem comes in when people think that default applies across the board.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

So, the question now is... for me, anyway... WHY don't I think about race?

My guess?

Because you are civilized.  You are civilized because from the mid-1800s through the 1970s, a series of giants came along and shamed your ancestors/parents/whatever into being civilized by the act of those giants demonstrating civilization.  These giants included people like Lysander Spooner, Fredrick Douglas, Medgar Evers, Martin Luther King Jr, Mohammed Ali, and even Lyndon Johnson.  There are also examples in Canada (which has race problems of its own, though not typically involving Blacks).

Needless to say, this civilization didn't take with everyone, and the people that were affected by it took 150 years to get there...But now civilization is in decline, and one indicator of that is the recent and pervasive return to racism.  You see it everywhere, and there's some sort of perverse "rebellion" to it..."I'm not afraid to state the facts, yada yada".  It seems that people in their 20s-30s have finally found a way to piss off their hippie parents, namely by being knuckle-dragging morons.

Mind you, I'm as whitebread as they come, and this is all observation, not experience.  Hence the "guess".

Thing is, I DO see color.  I like having a bazillion different races around me, because they are all attractive in different ways...And in a city where "misegnation"  (Spelling?  Brainfarting) is the norm, I have to add that mixed-race people are smoking fucking hot, male or female.  There are probably very good biological reasons I feel this way, or maybe I just like variety.  I don't know.  It's just the way I am.  Shallow?  Probably.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nigel's answer is probably more correct.

We don't think about race, because our race has no negative connotations for us.

Gotta think.

[Freeky]

How does someone rebut that Persecuted White Syndrome symptom while trying not to cause an irreparable rift in a friendship?  Is that possible? 


If this is a threadjack question, I'll make it its own thread but it drives me crazy when I hear stuff like "An all black ballet group?  That's racist against whites!  Why can't there be an all white ballet?"

Of course, the person that was said to had a perfect rebuttal, which was "They do have that, it's the Juliard School of Dance [or whatever it's called]."

[The Good Reverend Roger]

One last thing:  EVERYONE reacts to race at one point or another.  It's all hind-brain stuff, and the difference between a hating bigot, an apologist, and a human being is how you process the reaction...IE, how the front of your brain reacts.

Example:  About 6 months ago, I was standing outside of my friend's game shop, having a cigar with him.  Out of a store two doors down comes a Black dude, about 25 years old or so, with a pistol on his hip.  We both tensed up, then I started to laugh...I mean, half of Hat's customers are openly strapped, so why did we react to this young man?  Oh, yeah, because he was Black.

Automatic reaction followed by feeling very, very stupid.  I said as much to Hat, and he started to laugh at himself as I was laughing at myself.

Nobody is immune, no matter what race you are.  The trick is to stand upright when your lizard brain tells you to prepare to fight or flee because the other guy looks different.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

How does someone rebut that Persecuted White Syndrome symptom while trying not to cause an irreparable rift in a friendship?  Is that possible? 


If this is a threadjack question, I'll make it its own thread but it drives me crazy when I hear stuff like "An all black ballet group?  That's racist against whites!  Why can't there be an all white ballet?"

Of course, the person that was said to had a perfect rebuttal, which was "They do have that, it's the Juliard School of Dance [or whatever it's called]."

A comedian I once watched said "All these guys say, 'How come there's a Black entertainment channel?  Why can't we have a White entertainment channel?  And I say, you do.  It's ALL THE OTHER ONES.'

But how do you rebut it without fucking up a friendship?  Easy.  You rebut it.  If they get that offended, did you really want to be friends with them?  You are, after all, judged by the company you keep...and rightly so. 

[Freeky]

How does someone rebut that Persecuted White Syndrome symptom while trying not to cause an irreparable rift in a friendship?  Is that possible? 


If this is a threadjack question, I'll make it its own thread but it drives me crazy when I hear stuff like "An all black ballet group?  That's racist against whites!  Why can't there be an all white ballet?"

Of course, the person that was said to had a perfect rebuttal, which was "They do have that, it's the Juliard School of Dance [or whatever it's called]."

A comedian I once watched said "All these guys say, 'How come there's a Black entertainment channel?  Why can't we have a White entertainment channel?  And I say, you do.  It's ALL THE OTHER ONES.'

But how do you rebut it without fucking up a friendship?  Easy.  You rebut it.  If they get that offended, did you really want to be friends with them?  You are, after all, judged by the company you keep...and rightly so.

I think that the person I have in mind is open to that sort of thing.  I just suck at thinking of stuff to say off the cuff, until about three days after the fact.  Ah well, practice makes perfect and whatnot...

/threadjack

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's funny, because that kind of racist reaction even applies if you're black. I have it, other black people have it. It's weird as fuck.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I will say, that if you are a white person in a friendship with a non-white person, that IME the best way to deal with it is to just acknowledge it. I mean, we all already know it. So speaking bluntly about it won't hurt. And will probably help in terms of being closer.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It's funny, because that kind of racist reaction even applies if you're black. I have it, other black people have it. It's weird as fuck.

Wait.  You mean Blacks reacting to other Blacks?

That's not so weird, given what our culture taught and - to some degree - still teaches.

[Juana]

So, the question now is... for me, anyway... WHY don't I think about race?

My explanation is similar to but not exactly like Nigel's, and is based off observation and experience: because you have no reason to. White people (particularly white men) are the default, as Nigel said, and have an entire culture going for them, because American culture going back to colonization was dominated by whites. If I go shopping, the women in the ads are usually white, or can pass for such, most actors are white, and most people in positions of authority are white. If you go shopping, Hoops, most of the men in the ads (I think? I've never paid attention to men's advertising) are white, etc. Neither of us will be looked at too hard by store security, neither of us will loose out on a job or be denied house because of our whiteness, etc. We have no reason to think about what we look like because it's never held against us.
People of color, otoh, are constantly reminded that they are, in fact, not the default, from blatant racism to subtle things like a white woman clutching her purse when a Black man comes nearby. Ads usually show white people, movies feature mostly white people (and leads are usually white people, with the exclusion of folks like Halle Berry and Will Smith), and most people in positions of authority are white. People of color are relegated to the fringe of society, simply because of what they look like and they know it.

It's funny, because that kind of racist reaction even applies if you're black. I have it, other black people have it. It's weird as fuck.

I had a (Black) teacher explain it as ingrained racism. People of color are not immune, he said, to absorbing the subtle racism that exists in a society that likes to sometimes think of itself as being colorblind.