NOW THE BASTARDS ARE SENDING ME EMAIL!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

LOOK AT THIS HIPPIE SHIT!  WHICH ONE OF YOU RAT BASTARDS DID THIS CRAP?

Look, I'll minister to the fucking heathen, but I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM.

From:  *****@gmail.com

Whenever you dance, wherever you dance, dance to heal the earth!

Dancing is power. Dancing is prayer. Some say that all is dance.
Maybe. Now there's a big dance coming, a dance to heal the earth. If
you're reading this, you're probably part of it. You take part whenever
you do whatever you do to help heal the earth. When you recycle. When
you choose to show love, to fight for justice, to bring healing, to
bring out what is good in others. When you avoid cruelty and dishonesty
and waste. When you are outraged. When you speak out. When you give.
When you consider the generations to come. When you protest to the
oppressors and encourage those who feel the cutting edge of injustice.
And, of course, when you dance. There is a tree that all the prophets
see, and whenever you let your love show, you make the flowers grow.

Soon this dance will be done in a big way, in the old way, on sacred
ground. All living things will take part. If you want to, you can take
part. No one is twisting your arm. You can stop any time you need to,
and start up again whenever you're ready. If you've read this far, you
probably know what I'm talking about. You've probably been doing it in
one way or another for a good while. Soon will be the time to make no
bones about it! Cut loose!

Anytime you dance, anywhere, whether at a party or in church, dance to
heal the earth! Let your feet beat a healing rhythm into the earth. Let
your feet beat a strenghtening rhythm for those who struggle the
hardest. Let your feet beat a life-giving rhythm for all peoples,
regardless of race or national boundary, regardless of whether we're
human or whether we're the trees, the air, the fish, the birds, the
buffalo, the bear, the crow. We come out of hiding, we come back from
the dead, and we dance, and our dance is a prayer, and our songs and our
rhythms and our breath give life.

Is the music they're playing some mindless jingle? Never mind, as long
as it's not bad music, and you can dance to the beat! Make your own
words, and make the words a prayer. A prayer for the end of
exploitation, a prayer for the end of lies, a prayer for healing, for
justice, for life. Remember your prayer-song, feed it and let it get
strong and pass it along. Dance and pray, whenever you dance, dance to
heal the earth.

Have you seen anything? Wear it out! Make it so that all can see what
you see! Take a white T-shirt and mark it with your dreams. Is there
anything you'd like to tell the world? Take your shirt and mark it with
your song! This is the way it has been done, so you can do it too. Use
any color except black (there are reasons for that that will become
clearer later), and you'll probably find that a loose, pure cotton T is
most comfortable for dancing in. Cos this is an actual dance, you dance
hard, you sing and breathe hard and sweat. Wear it when you plan to go
out dancing, to dance to heal the earth.

Some people do this dance while fasting, and dance for several days
straight. But even a few minutes of dancing helps, and joins with all
the other dancing going on, everywhere on Earth. Not everyone can fast
these days. Besides, you never know when you're gonna dance, and you
have to eat sometimes! But if you plan to dance, hold off eating till
later, or just have a little. It's easier to dance if you don't have a
hotdog weighing you down.

Some people say, do not do sacred things where people are drinking and
partying. But all the universe is a sacred place. It really doesn't
mattter what others are doing, you can make a place sacred wherever you
are, with your intention and your prayers. Some people use smoke to
make a place sacred; a cigarette or incense stick will do fine. You can
dance to heal the earth anywhere, even a party or a bar! The earth is
everywhere, so you can dance anywhere to heal her. Only one thing.
Please hold off drinking or using any other intoxicants till you're
done. It works better that way.

The Lie has gone far enough. It spreads and makes everyone sick. Now is
the time for this dance to begin. It, too, will spread, and it will
bring healing to all. In the beginning, they say, God put a rainbow in
the sky, to let us know that Spirit never forgets. Now is the time for
us to put a rainbow across the earth, to let God know that we, too,
remember.

Dance to heal the earth. Not just when you're dancing, but always. Live
the dance, whenever you move, in all you do, dance to heal the earth.

(This message may be reproduced. Please use recycled paper!)

*****

THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.

KILL ME.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What the shit is that. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What the shit is that. 

This HAS to be a gag.  Real people don't talk like that, do they?  It wasn't even a mass email forward, it was addressed to me individually, and I have no idea who this person is.

I bet it was that bastard Twid.  He's been after my Lucky fucking Charms forever.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Not me this time dude. It was some other hippie miscreant.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Not me this time dude. It was some other hippie miscreant.

When I figure out who it was, my revenge will be a thing of LEGEND.

But mad props to anyone who can rant that long about garbage like that.  <--- not an obvious trap.

[Phox]

I... I can't even begin to comprehend what this is... 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I... I can't even begin to comprehend what this is... 

This is an obvious attempt to drive me insane and steal my Jeep.

One of you fuckers is gonna PAY.

[Richter]

I got an Islam-focused version of that at work once.  Someone's personal self congratulatory spankfantasy must be that pumping out drivel like this will actually encourage the mindsets they recomend.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I got an Islam-focused version of that at work once.  Someone's personal self congratulatory spankfantasy must be that pumping out drivel like this will actually encourage the mindsets they recomend.

It makes me want to dump used motor oil in a stream.  That's what it encourages in me.

ETA:  What, the same fucking thing?

[Richter]

Same writing style and "Sunshine out the ass" tone, no shit.  Different crap on the same pitchfork.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Same writing style and "Sunshine out the ass" tone, no shit.  Different crap on the same pitchfork.

This must be a gag of some kind, then.

I'm going to gin up a fake email address and post this shit on the Arizona Tea Party Site.  Let's see how they choke on it.

[Richter]

Mu hu ha ha.