The Waiting Place

[Doktor Howl]

Well, The Good Reverend is gone, last seen getting into his Jeep with his friend Knuckles.  He screamed something about heading up The Lost Highway, looking for that Curly fellow.  And we all know what happens to people who follow that road, don't we?

So here I am again, back in The Waiting Place.  The Ego Place.  The Black Iron Prison Place.  That horrible little place where people fool themselves into believing that they have somehow avoided buying into the system, while at the same time behaving in a manner indistinguishable from the system in any way.  Really, there's not much difference between The Waiting Place and any given awards ceremony, with packs of divas demanding attention, hordes of hangers-on watching avidly from home, and a few folks on the make.

Seriously, now...Did you ever really think you'd escape?  Well, you won't accomplish that here.  There's too much bad blood, and too many people who think this place is here for "ME", not for "US".  There's a remarkable lack of anything resembling cohesion of any kind, and I don't think that's what was meant by "Discordians must stick apart".  I would in fact state that there are more old enemies than old friends here, and I do of course include myself in this indictment.  I may be a man of SCIENCE, but I am still human, as was TGRR, as is Cram, Net, Rat, Charley, and everyone else.

We've talked a good game, but we're still primates...And not just in the biological sense.  We behave like primates, because we've gotten lazy – there are of course exceptions, but I think the generalization isn't too far off the money.  We've lost respect for each other, and by this I mean actual respect, not some "respect rule", such as existed in the late & unlamented Mysticwicks (Fact:  If you have to substitute a RULE imposing respect for actual respect, no respect is to be found).

And isn't respect what separates us from the lower primates?  The lower primates function off of "you get what you grab".  To a chimpanzee, everything is gauged as an angle:  "Will what I'm doing pass my genes on/feed me/put me on top of the heap?"

Likewise, the attitude here now seems to fall between "I am owed an audience", "I'm grabbing this", and "I must knuckle under to/support the dominant board members until I can find an edge".  Please note that I am by no means referring to a single board member or incident.  This is a trend, and it's been going on for some time.

And as for the ancient grudges and hate, well, you could be dead tomorrow.  Life is in fact too short to be pissed off at things that happened a year ago, much less four or six years ago.  I wouldn't think I'd have to explain this to people who think they're working on expanding their prison walls, or – laughably – working on "common walls".  I see perhaps one person (LMNO) who is genuinely interested in this, and dozens of people forming factions to line up with...Just like any other primate, in any other primate tribe.  I expect better, and so should you.  But to GET better, everyone has to get on board...And I don't see that as likely, even though it's not exactly brain surgery.

Of course, I don't really expect anyone to pay attention to this.  I fully expect that everyone will assume that I'm talking about everyone else BUT them, and things will continue to deteriorate until Discordia resembles nothing more than the internal hierarchy of a PTA chapter, or perhaps the Rotarians.

And that is just too awful to contemplate.

Okay for now,
Dok

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

sadface

[LMNO]

There seems to be a fine line between anonymity and familiarity, when a natural balance can be found... If everyone is a stranger, then people can (and will) act like an asshat just because they can.  At the same time, people slip into tribal roles without even thinking about it when they become comfortable with their companions.  But there's a point, where you don't really know someone, but you think you might become friends, where the respect you refer to just blossoms on it's own.  But on either side of that tipping point, it takes concious effort to remain upright.  And the effort to continually do so takes its toll. 

I think all of the above applies here.  The flare-ups we see are only to be expected as we see outlandish noobs, rifts and factions developing, and succumb to the stress of standing on two feet.  But to our credit at least, most of us eventually keep trying, part of the time.

[Doktor Howl]

There seems to be a fine line between anonymity and familiarity, when a natural balance can be found... If everyone is a stranger, then people can (and will) act like an asshat just because they can.  At the same time, people slip into tribal roles without even thinking about it when they become comfortable with their companions.  But there's a point, where you don't really know someone, but you think you might become friends, where the respect you refer to just blossoms on it's own.  But on either side of that tipping point, it takes concious effort to remain upright.  And the effort to continually do so takes its toll. 

I think all of the above applies here.  The flare-ups we see are only to be expected as we see outlandish noobs, rifts and factions developing, and succumb to the stress of standing on two feet.  But to our credit at least, most of us eventually keep trying, part of the time.

And that's perfectly natural.  But we are not animals, to be ruled by our lizard brains, unless we choose to be...Or simply fail to choose NOT to be.

And that's where I was going with this.  The situation isn't hopeless, it's just bad.  All it takes to make it stop being bad is to put out the effort to do so.

This effort would entail giving up certain luxuries, such as "Having The Last Word", and "Holy Shit, Net PISSED ME OFF years ago, and "Because I can", and "I'm talking to pixels, not a person".

It would also entail showing respect for people, and by this I don't mean playing nice hominid regardless of circumstances.  What I mean is, if you want to use someone's work, ASK, regardless of how they've labeled it (if they've been gone for 3 years, then follow the label).  Most people that get pissed do so on principle...It's not that you're selling the work, it's that you just assumed you could, for example.  It's not that running off with someone's project is going to dash their literary career, it's that you didn't care enough about them to ask, as if they didn't matter at all.  A pixel, not a person.

Another luxury that will have to be surrendered is the massive load of butthurt some of us have strapped to the top of our heads like a bad toupe.  Do YOU have a bad toupe?  I know I do...Or did, til I realized how stupid it looked.

I'm going to put my money where my mouth is, here:

1.  Net:  I am sorry I called you worthless.  You aren't, or I wouldn't have even spoken to you.  I am also sorry I've been carrying this insane load of butthurt around over the fliers, and if you and Nigel have settled your differences, it's nothing short of arrogant that I've stayed pissed off.  I also retract every other slam I've sent in your direction, whether or not you choose to accept the apology.

2.  Cram:  I was out of line.  I can't say much more than that, and I apologize again...Whether or not you choose to accept it.

3.  Queen Gogira:  I'm sorry I took part in shitting all over your thread.

4.  LMNO, I'm sorry you got dragged into the mess.

5.  Doktor Howl, I'm sorry I wasted so much time and effort being an ass.

To put things bluntly, while we're all nursing our grudges and our hate, what are we NOT accomplishing?  Oh, yes...The very things we set out to accomplish in the first place. 

And while I'm not going to tell anyone what to do, let me suggest that we all hit a mirror, and check on the state of our toupes, eh?

Okay for now,
Dok

[LMNO]

That's very bipedal of you, Dok.

[Doktor Howl]

That's very bipedal of you, Dok.

Rest assured, I run around on all fours most of the time.

Usually when I've been experimenting on myself.

[Doktor Howl]

Also note that the examples above my apologies should be considered generic.

[trippinprincezz13]

Due to the nature of my posting style, I've not really made any friends or any enemies here, but that is because my posting style is fraught with terrible social anxiety and the desire not to rub anyone the wrong way. But hey, that's a problem I need to work out IRL and online. Regardless, I do enjoy this community and find a lot of the people here to be insightful and intelligent, and for the most part, pretty tight-knit.  That's why it baffles me sometimes, that some of the worst arguments seem to be over the stupidest things, be it a troll, what could/should have been a simple misunderstanding. That's not to say that no offense or sniping or miscommunication occurs, but it can usually be resolved, IMO, in a much simpler manner. Granted, I usually keep out of it because who am I to intervene in this group of friends.

And I think that goes back to what LMNO was saying about anonymity v. familiarity. Obviously, a lot of you have talked and/or met IRL, so there is some familiarity, and for some of the people that have been around for a while, there will be friendships/a sense of community just from interacting for so long. But the words on a screen v. seeing someone face to face, I think can sometimes make it hard to remember that there are real people on the other end. I find it hard to feel connected entirely due to the lack of in-person interaction (and my already quiet nature), but at the same time feel connected to the community enough that I realize you are all real people with real feelings, that I don't want to come in acting like a raging asshole 'cause "hey, it's just the internet". Compared to Wicca.com (hey, only other forums I was ever a semi-active participant in) where I felt no connection whatsoever.

So it does make me sad to see silly fights break out when this community has so much creative potential working together. Is it because a lot of people here have "big personalities"? That's probably an overgeneralization because while big personalities can tend to clash, that doesn't mean they HAVE to. Possibly some combination of stir crazy, boredom and/or IRL stress. A solution to that IS to get the focus on something productive - of course, that means people have to be willing to focus their attention on that rather than pettiness. I'm not sure where I was going with this really. Maybe just that sometimes it's necessary to step back, breathe, remember it's real people we're dealing with and decide not to expend energy on unnecessary anger and fighting.

tl;dr - Put yourself in the other person's shoes/Can't we all just get along?

ETA - while I was talking, Doc Howl seemed to put it much more concisely

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I applaud this series of posts!

And I think its a dead on commentary. I really, really like the work of TGRR and Dok Howl, but years of personality friction tends to put us both at odds with each other. Its like a common brick that we both seem to enjoy bashing our brains on.

I'd love to see the past stuck in the search engines rather than our heads, and starting now, I'll be making a strong effort to do just that.

[Doktor Howl]

I applaud this series of posts!

And I think its a dead on commentary. I really, really like the work of TGRR and Dok Howl, but years of personality friction tends to put us both at odds with each other. Its like a common brick that we both seem to enjoy bashing our brains on.

I'd love to see the past stuck in the search engines rather than our heads, and starting now, I'll be making a strong effort to do just that.

It in fact caused brain damage in TGRR, who took it upon himself to go off on some suicidal quest.

I would like to extend the above apologies to you as well, Rat.  We've had some rocky going over the years, for no apparent reason.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I applaud this series of posts!

And I think its a dead on commentary. I really, really like the work of TGRR and Dok Howl, but years of personality friction tends to put us both at odds with each other. Its like a common brick that we both seem to enjoy bashing our brains on.

I'd love to see the past stuck in the search engines rather than our heads, and starting now, I'll be making a strong effort to do just that.

It in fact caused brain damage in TGRR, who took it upon himself to go off on some suicidal quest.

I would like to extend the above apologies to you as well, Rat.  We've had some rocky going over the years, for no apparent reason.

Agreed. Hell, it was some of the old Or Kill Me rants that really drew me to start posting here.

[Doktor Howl]

Due to the nature of my posting style, I've not really made any friends or any enemies here, but that is because my posting style is fraught with terrible social anxiety and the desire not to rub anyone the wrong way. But hey, that's a problem I need to work out IRL and online. Regardless, I do enjoy this community and find a lot of the people here to be insightful and intelligent, and for the most part, pretty tight-knit.  That's why it baffles me sometimes, that some of the worst arguments seem to be over the stupidest things, be it a troll, what could/should have been a simple misunderstanding. That's not to say that no offense or sniping or miscommunication occurs, but it can usually be resolved, IMO, in a much simpler manner. Granted, I usually keep out of it because who am I to intervene in this group of friends.

Who are you?  You're one of us.

And any community is going to have blow ups.  The trick is to recognize them, and come out of monkey threat posture.

[AFK]

Not everyone is going to get along with everyone.  Such is the nature of human sociology.  And I think it can be very difficult for pretty much all of us to think objectively, in the heat of the moment, about how a blow-up may be impacting the chi of the rest of the board. 

I know I've tried to take a more concerted effort to avoid the typical landmines that cause blow-ups. 

But, I also do have a strong compulsion to go to bat for people for whom I have a lot of respect.  I know that's another potential landmine that we all have to navigate as well.  Supporting someone we think is being wronged but not making the matter worse. 

[AFK]

In other words, I think we need a safe word.  To remind us , when we're in the thick of it, to take it to PMs, so we don't spag up everything else.   

[Luna]

In other words, I think we need a safe word.  To remind us , when we're in the thick of it, to take it to PMs, so we don't spag up everything else.   

"Take it to PMs" should work just fine.