Is it just me?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Twice recently, I've been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice as a result of making a statement. I forget the first one, but the second one was that I'd decided to add a Spanish class to my Spring schedule because I didn't think the homework would be too hard.

I was second-guessed by two people, and one of them told me I was "jumping to conclusions" about the homework not being too hard. Neither of them asked me anything about WHY I thought I could handle the homework.

Man, I understand having differing opinions, but for some reason it just seems weird when it's about my personal life choices and a class schedule they don't even know. At all. They didn't ask. WTF.

So, unsolicited opinions about personal decisions; rude, or not rude?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh, and it really hurt my feelings because they seemed to assume that I hadn't thought it through, even though I decided to add this class four days after registering for my other classes. And despite knowing me.

[Doktor Howl]

So, unsolicited opinions about personal decisions; rude, or not rude?

Depends.  In this case, I think they were simply demonstrating their total lack of social skills.  Where do you meet these people?  Next time you go there, bring a big stick.

[Juana]

I vote rude. And that second person was especially dickish.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So, unsolicited opinions about personal decisions; rude, or not rude?

Depends.  In this case, I think they were simply demonstrating their total lack of social skills.  Where do you meet these people?  Next time you go there, bring a big stick.

Two of my best friends who I have known for many years, in this case. And the second one is FBF. And the weirdest thing about it was that neither of them knew any details at all about what other classes I'm taking or what made me think that the homework load wouldn't be overwhelming. Nor did they ask.

And, neither of them has taken that class.

The subject matter isn't bothering me as much as this bizarre assumption that I have no idea what I'm doing and haven't looked into it. Oh, and a third person made a bleeding obvious suggestion involving my website, which is that there are good free ecommerce platforms on the market now. (I'm having a sorting problem with mine.)

Unsolicited advice can be really useful if someone has a reason to think that they know something I don't know, but really? WTF? 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually, I should clarify; it's not just unsolicited advice, it's second-guessing.

[DECI4]

Actually, I should clarify; it's not just unsolicited advice, it's second-guessing.

Second guessing can be irritating. Often times I feel like people do it just to have something to offer in a conversation in which they don't really have any opinion on, but they feel like they should say something.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually, I should clarify; it's not just unsolicited advice, it's second-guessing.

Second guessing can be irritating. Often times I feel like people do it just to have something to offer in a conversation in which they don't really have any opinion on, but they feel like they should say something.

Yeah, I see that a lot. This was... weird. I brushed off the first person who did it, but the second person was ummm special about it. I was raised that second-guessing people about their personal decisions is rude and something to be approached with delicacy, so I was kind of taken aback to have it happen twice in rapid succession.

I mean, maybe these people know something about Spanish 101 that I don't know, but...

[Cainad (dec.)]

Second-guessing/giving unsolicited advice as a "you should..." or "you really ought..." statement is pretty thoughtless. I'm pondering how I act and speak in similar contexts (since what classes you're taking is 1/3rd of all student's conversations), and I think the second-guessing is less of a judgment of you and more of them thinking out loud.

"If I was taking multiple classes and could fill a space with a Spanish class, what would my thoughts be on that?" is the question that naturally forms in their head when you bring it up. Then somewhere along the line, the thought "here's what I think I would probably do/think in the same situation" gets twisted into "here's what you probably should do in your situation."

In my own conversations, I usually assume the person has thought out their own reasons for doing/thinking as they are, and if I don't understand their conclusion I may bring that up: "How are you going to work out your job schedule this semester if you take this class?"



Or maybe there's just a bad case of the I-know-better-than-yous going around.

[AFK]

Sometimes unsolicited advice is merely someone trying to be helpful, not necessarily being a jackass.  Or maybe feeling like they just need to add to the conversation and that was all they could come up with. 

I just tend to ignore that stuff.  Like when your wife is expecting.  YOu get all kinds of unsolicited advice then, but, more often than not, it's just people, in their way, trying to be helpful. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It was very odd in the context... they don't know what other classes I'm taking or why I think that one would fit well.

Second-guessing is a rude practice in general, in my opinion. It's one thing to offer advice based on having an understanding of the situation, but I think it's pretty odd to tell someone they're wrong based on absolutely nothing.

[Doktor Howl]

Sometimes unsolicited advice is merely someone trying to be helpful, not necessarily being a jackass.  Or maybe feeling like they just need to add to the conversation and that was all they could come up with. 

I just tend to ignore that stuff.  Like when your wife is expecting.  YOu get all kinds of unsolicited advice then, but, more often than not, it's just people, in their way, trying to be helpful.

My favorite is parenting advice from childless people.  That always goes over well with the Doktor.   

[Doktor Howl]

Them:  You should probably do A & B, I saw that on Dr Oz.

Me: 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Sometimes unsolicited advice is merely someone trying to be helpful, not necessarily being a jackass.  Or maybe feeling like they just need to add to the conversation and that was all they could come up with. 

I just tend to ignore that stuff.  Like when your wife is expecting.  YOu get all kinds of unsolicited advice then, but, more often than not, it's just people, in their way, trying to be helpful.

I'm more talking about the second-guessing than just plain unsolicited advice. I worded the OP badly; specifically what gets to me is when you say "I'm going to do such and such!" and without knowing anything at all about your reasons someone says "Don't you think that's a bad idea?" or "You should do this other thing instead".

It's different if they say "Oh, why do you want to do that?" and then you have a conversation about it. The straight up contradictory "You're wrong!" or the assumption that there's no way you would have thought it through is what gets me.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Sometimes unsolicited advice is merely someone trying to be helpful, not necessarily being a jackass.  Or maybe feeling like they just need to add to the conversation and that was all they could come up with. 

I just tend to ignore that stuff.  Like when your wife is expecting.  YOu get all kinds of unsolicited advice then, but, more often than not, it's just people, in their way, trying to be helpful.

My favorite is parenting advice from childless people.  That always goes over well with the Doktor.   

Ohhh my god. That makes me want to stab people in the mouth.