Author Topic: I Did It  (Read 3870 times)

Doktor Howl

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I Did It
« on: March 05, 2012, 03:26:21 pm »
I havenít got any excuse, really.  Itís just that itís so hard to not break the law.  Please donít get me wrongÖI agree that laws are necessary for society.  Itís just that thereís so many to keep track of.  I want to be a good citizen, really, I try. 

But when I look back on my day, there are so many things Iíve done.  Just coming here today, I exceeded the speed limit by 14%.  Also, my interior light doesnít function, which is a vehicle violation.  Then I lit a smoke, which meant that for a short period of time, I didnít have both of my hands on the wheel.  At one point, I did not come to a complete stop while making a right on red.  I knew that it was bad, even though there wasnít any traffic at all, at that time of the morning.

And that was just in the first 40 minutes from leaving the house.  I shudder to think what laws I broke between waking up and heading out.  So while I want to tell you that I am an innocent man, Iím obviously not.  Iím guilty.  Iím wrong

Thereís something wrong with me.  Everyone else must be able to follow all of these regulationsÖI mean, I know lots of people with no jail time on their records and perfectly clean driversí license violations.  So itís not like Iím trapped in some Kafka-esque nightmare or anything.  Itís that I canít behave.  I am unsuitable for public life, in this great country full of its law-abiding citizens.  Perhaps I should move somewhere else, before they lock me up for life.

But Iíd probably just break laws there, too.

Okay for now,
Dok
Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2012, 03:29:36 pm »
I havenít got any excuse, really.  Itís just that itís so hard to not break the law.  Please donít get me wrongÖI agree that laws are necessary for society.  Itís just that thereís so many to keep track of.  I want to be a good citizen, really, I try. 

But when I look back on my day, there are so many things Iíve done.  Just coming here today, I exceeded the speed limit by 14%.  Also, my interior light doesnít function, which is a vehicle violation.  Then I lit a smoke, which meant that for a short period of time, I didnít have both of my hands on the wheel.  At one point, I did not come to a complete stop while making a right on red.  I knew that it was bad, even though there wasnít any traffic at all, at that time of the morning.

And that was just in the first 40 minutes from leaving the house.  I shudder to think what laws I broke between waking up and heading out.  So while I want to tell you that I am an innocent man, Iím obviously not.  Iím guilty.  Iím wrong

Thereís something wrong with me.  Everyone else must be able to follow all of these regulationsÖI mean, I know lots of people with no jail time on their records and perfectly clean driversí license violations.  So itís not like Iím trapped in some Kafka-esque nightmare or anything.  Itís that I canít behave.  I am unsuitable for public life, in this great country full of its law-abiding citizens.  Perhaps I should move somewhere else, before they lock me up for life.

But Iíd probably just break laws there, too.

Okay for now,
Dok

i once had homosexual relations in a state where it was illegal 30 years ago. It makes me feel dirty to the depths of my soul. Sure, it's not illegal NOW, but I'm guilty by association.
One by one, we break the sheep from their Iron Bar Prisons and expand their imaginations, make them think for themselves. In turn, they break more from their prisons. Eventually, critical mass is reached. Our key word: Resolve. Evangelize with compassion and determination. And realize that there will be few in the beginning. We are hand picking our successors. They are the future of Discordianism. Let us guide our future with intelligence.

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2012, 03:30:49 pm »
I havenít got any excuse, really.  Itís just that itís so hard to not break the law.  Please donít get me wrongÖI agree that laws are necessary for society.  Itís just that thereís so many to keep track of.  I want to be a good citizen, really, I try. 

But when I look back on my day, there are so many things Iíve done.  Just coming here today, I exceeded the speed limit by 14%.  Also, my interior light doesnít function, which is a vehicle violation.  Then I lit a smoke, which meant that for a short period of time, I didnít have both of my hands on the wheel.  At one point, I did not come to a complete stop while making a right on red.  I knew that it was bad, even though there wasnít any traffic at all, at that time of the morning.

And that was just in the first 40 minutes from leaving the house.  I shudder to think what laws I broke between waking up and heading out.  So while I want to tell you that I am an innocent man, Iím obviously not.  Iím guilty.  Iím wrong

Thereís something wrong with me.  Everyone else must be able to follow all of these regulationsÖI mean, I know lots of people with no jail time on their records and perfectly clean driversí license violations.  So itís not like Iím trapped in some Kafka-esque nightmare or anything.  Itís that I canít behave.  I am unsuitable for public life, in this great country full of its law-abiding citizens.  Perhaps I should move somewhere else, before they lock me up for life.

But Iíd probably just break laws there, too.

Okay for now,
Dok

Yep... they've got it pretty well set up so that they have an excuse to put any one of us away any time they feel like it.
ďIím guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,Ē Charles Wick said. ďIt was very complicated.Ē


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Re: I Did It
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2012, 03:31:54 pm »
I havenít got any excuse, really.  Itís just that itís so hard to not break the law.  Please donít get me wrongÖI agree that laws are necessary for society.  Itís just that thereís so many to keep track of.  I want to be a good citizen, really, I try. 

But when I look back on my day, there are so many things Iíve done.  Just coming here today, I exceeded the speed limit by 14%.  Also, my interior light doesnít function, which is a vehicle violation.  Then I lit a smoke, which meant that for a short period of time, I didnít have both of my hands on the wheel.  At one point, I did not come to a complete stop while making a right on red.  I knew that it was bad, even though there wasnít any traffic at all, at that time of the morning.

And that was just in the first 40 minutes from leaving the house.  I shudder to think what laws I broke between waking up and heading out.  So while I want to tell you that I am an innocent man, Iím obviously not.  Iím guilty.  Iím wrong

Thereís something wrong with me.  Everyone else must be able to follow all of these regulationsÖI mean, I know lots of people with no jail time on their records and perfectly clean driversí license violations.  So itís not like Iím trapped in some Kafka-esque nightmare or anything.  Itís that I canít behave.  I am unsuitable for public life, in this great country full of its law-abiding citizens.  Perhaps I should move somewhere else, before they lock me up for life.

But Iíd probably just break laws there, too.

Okay for now,
Dok

Yep... they've got it pretty well set up so that they have an excuse to put any one of us away any time they feel like it.

I'd like, just once, to get through a day without being a felon.  I don't have a basement to hide in, though.
Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2012, 03:35:29 pm »
I havenít got any excuse, really.  Itís just that itís so hard to not break the law.  Please donít get me wrongÖI agree that laws are necessary for society.  Itís just that thereís so many to keep track of.  I want to be a good citizen, really, I try. 

But when I look back on my day, there are so many things Iíve done.  Just coming here today, I exceeded the speed limit by 14%.  Also, my interior light doesnít function, which is a vehicle violation.  Then I lit a smoke, which meant that for a short period of time, I didnít have both of my hands on the wheel.  At one point, I did not come to a complete stop while making a right on red.  I knew that it was bad, even though there wasnít any traffic at all, at that time of the morning.

And that was just in the first 40 minutes from leaving the house.  I shudder to think what laws I broke between waking up and heading out.  So while I want to tell you that I am an innocent man, Iím obviously not.  Iím guilty.  Iím wrong

Thereís something wrong with me.  Everyone else must be able to follow all of these regulationsÖI mean, I know lots of people with no jail time on their records and perfectly clean driversí license violations.  So itís not like Iím trapped in some Kafka-esque nightmare or anything.  Itís that I canít behave.  I am unsuitable for public life, in this great country full of its law-abiding citizens.  Perhaps I should move somewhere else, before they lock me up for life.

But Iíd probably just break laws there, too.

Okay for now,
Dok

Yep... they've got it pretty well set up so that they have an excuse to put any one of us away any time they feel like it.

I'd like, just once, to get through a day without being a felon.  I don't have a basement to hide in, though.

I don't think that's possible here in America, sir.
ďIím guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,Ē Charles Wick said. ďIt was very complicated.Ē


Doktor Howl

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2012, 03:37:34 pm »
I havenít got any excuse, really.  Itís just that itís so hard to not break the law.  Please donít get me wrongÖI agree that laws are necessary for society.  Itís just that thereís so many to keep track of.  I want to be a good citizen, really, I try. 

But when I look back on my day, there are so many things Iíve done.  Just coming here today, I exceeded the speed limit by 14%.  Also, my interior light doesnít function, which is a vehicle violation.  Then I lit a smoke, which meant that for a short period of time, I didnít have both of my hands on the wheel.  At one point, I did not come to a complete stop while making a right on red.  I knew that it was bad, even though there wasnít any traffic at all, at that time of the morning.

And that was just in the first 40 minutes from leaving the house.  I shudder to think what laws I broke between waking up and heading out.  So while I want to tell you that I am an innocent man, Iím obviously not.  Iím guilty.  Iím wrong

Thereís something wrong with me.  Everyone else must be able to follow all of these regulationsÖI mean, I know lots of people with no jail time on their records and perfectly clean driversí license violations.  So itís not like Iím trapped in some Kafka-esque nightmare or anything.  Itís that I canít behave.  I am unsuitable for public life, in this great country full of its law-abiding citizens.  Perhaps I should move somewhere else, before they lock me up for life.

But Iíd probably just break laws there, too.

Okay for now,
Dok

Yep... they've got it pretty well set up so that they have an excuse to put any one of us away any time they feel like it.

I'd like, just once, to get through a day without being a felon.  I don't have a basement to hide in, though.

I don't think that's possible here in America, sir.

But it must be.  Laws are passed to control undesireable behavior.  They are passed by representatives of the majority in each representative's district.  Therefore, the majority of people want these laws.  Since nobody wants to outlaw what they enjoy doing, the majority must be following the laws.  QED.

Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2012, 03:46:52 pm »
I havenít got any excuse, really.  Itís just that itís so hard to not break the law.  Please donít get me wrongÖI agree that laws are necessary for society.  Itís just that thereís so many to keep track of.  I want to be a good citizen, really, I try. 

But when I look back on my day, there are so many things Iíve done.  Just coming here today, I exceeded the speed limit by 14%.  Also, my interior light doesnít function, which is a vehicle violation.  Then I lit a smoke, which meant that for a short period of time, I didnít have both of my hands on the wheel.  At one point, I did not come to a complete stop while making a right on red.  I knew that it was bad, even though there wasnít any traffic at all, at that time of the morning.

And that was just in the first 40 minutes from leaving the house.  I shudder to think what laws I broke between waking up and heading out.  So while I want to tell you that I am an innocent man, Iím obviously not.  Iím guilty.  Iím wrong

Thereís something wrong with me.  Everyone else must be able to follow all of these regulationsÖI mean, I know lots of people with no jail time on their records and perfectly clean driversí license violations.  So itís not like Iím trapped in some Kafka-esque nightmare or anything.  Itís that I canít behave.  I am unsuitable for public life, in this great country full of its law-abiding citizens.  Perhaps I should move somewhere else, before they lock me up for life.

But Iíd probably just break laws there, too.

Okay for now,
Dok

Yep... they've got it pretty well set up so that they have an excuse to put any one of us away any time they feel like it.

I'd like, just once, to get through a day without being a felon.  I don't have a basement to hide in, though.

I don't think that's possible here in America, sir.

But it must be.  Laws are passed to control undesireable behavior.  They are passed by representatives of the majority in each representative's district.  Therefore, the majority of people want these laws.  Since nobody wants to outlaw what they enjoy doing, the majority must be following the laws.  QED.

Ah, but the laws are really for them, Dok. You know... the undesirables. Not for the clean, upstanding consumers who vote with their dollars.
ďIím guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,Ē Charles Wick said. ďIt was very complicated.Ē


Doktor Howl

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2012, 03:49:49 pm »
Ah, but the laws are really for them, Dok. You know... the undesirables. Not for the clean, upstanding consumers who vote with their dollars.

What's funny is how many of them SEEM to be upstanding consumers, and then they get a DUI, or beat their families up, or get caught embezzling. 

I myself can look - to strangers - as a non-criminal. 

There should be a law against that sort of thing.
Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2012, 04:01:32 pm »
Ah, but the laws are really for them, Dok. You know... the undesirables. Not for the clean, upstanding consumers who vote with their dollars.

What's funny is how many of them SEEM to be upstanding consumers, and then they get a DUI, or beat their families up, or get caught embezzling. 

I myself can look - to strangers - as a non-criminal. 

There should be a law against that sort of thing.

You live in Arizona, Dok. There probably already is.

It might not apply to you, though... just to the people who look like they might be, you know, illegal.
ďIím guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,Ē Charles Wick said. ďIt was very complicated.Ē


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Re: I Did It
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2012, 04:03:30 pm »
Everyone's a criminal. It's impossible not to be, in some fashion, especially since ignorance of the law is never an excuse.

If every minute law were enforced, I would have single-handedly financed the Big Dig, since blasphemy against the Christian God was once punishable by a fine of $300 or 1 year in prison. And by was once, I mean that that law was repealed only couple of years ago.

Also, it used to be illegal to walk on Boston Common while being Native American. Modern Natives had a rally there once, though I'm fairly certain that they weren't ignorant of that particular law.

As far as the speeding stuff- I don't know how it is elsewhere but people are expected to speed here. We're just in such a goddamn hurry, you know? I mean, you don't stretch that law too much because you will get pulled over, especially if you're being a douchbag driver (Just in the past month Villager and I have seen maybe 5 pullovers. One of which was tailgating me and then passed me on the right. I took delight in his being caught). But if you're doing 74 in a 65 zone, no one will think anything of it. Hell, some people still end up passing you.

But maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. Maybe there are all these rules just so that we are all criminals. "Just give me a reason." There's some sort of reason in place, some sort of law still on the books. You just have to be creative about it.
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Doktor Howl

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2012, 04:04:28 pm »
Ah, but the laws are really for them, Dok. You know... the undesirables. Not for the clean, upstanding consumers who vote with their dollars.

What's funny is how many of them SEEM to be upstanding consumers, and then they get a DUI, or beat their families up, or get caught embezzling. 

I myself can look - to strangers - as a non-criminal. 

There should be a law against that sort of thing.

You live in Arizona, Dok. There probably already is.

It might not apply to you, though... just to the people who look like they might be, you know, illegal.

Well, look at the way they were dressed.  That's probably cause if I've ever seen it.  This is why our Good Sheriff Joe Arpieo only hassles the ones that dress like illegals, or appear to perhaps be illegally Black.

Laws are for the protection of The People
Rules are rules, and any fool can see
We don't need some weird smudgy-skinned freaks
Scaring decent folk like you and me.

Well, that's hardly my fault.  I was just doing what I do, doing my little dance, singing my little song, you know?  And then Hirley0 got on the dance floor and said

SHAKE THAT
First ^  Then V

And I did.  I didn't feel like I had any choice.  Between P-Funk and Hirley0, I became the man reptillian menace I am today.

Bootsy Collins did this to me.

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2012, 04:12:51 pm »
Ah, but the laws are really for them, Dok. You know... the undesirables. Not for the clean, upstanding consumers who vote with their dollars.

What's funny is how many of them SEEM to be upstanding consumers, and then they get a DUI, or beat their families up, or get caught embezzling. 

I myself can look - to strangers - as a non-criminal. 

There should be a law against that sort of thing.

You live in Arizona, Dok. There probably already is.

It might not apply to you, though... just to the people who look like they might be, you know, illegal.

Well, look at the way they were dressed.  That's probably cause if I've ever seen it.  This is why our Good Sheriff Joe Arpieo only hassles the ones that dress like illegals, or appear to perhaps be illegally Black.

Laws are for the protection of The People
Rules are rules, and any fool can see
We don't need some weird smudgy-skinned freaks
Scaring decent folk like you and me.


We don't even need probable cause anymore... thanks to the righteous and just War on Drugs, all they need is consent to search. And when a nice police officer stops you and says "may I search your car?", of course you're going to say yes, right?

Especially if you don't know you have the right to say no.

Especially if his had is on his gun and it's phrased like a question but delivered like an order.

And isn't it nice... the police may impound anything they seize in a search. Especially if they happen to find illegal drugs, like that pill there under the seat. Do you have a prescription for that pill? What do you mean, you don't even know what it is? Well you know what sir, I have probable cause and I'm going to have to take you in and impound your vehicle.

Nice car, by the way.
ďIím guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,Ē Charles Wick said. ďIt was very complicated.Ē


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Re: I Did It
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2012, 04:54:47 pm »
I live in a state where it's illegal to look at pr0n or purchase "marital aids" and I currently own 3 vibrators and a lot of stuff that fits into the "other" category'. Oh sure, I'm moving to a city that has a "marital aid" store next to an art gallery but I'm fucked there too since I've eaten unspeakable things off the floor of a now-condemned theater on Canal and Rampart while taboo music created with unnatural instruments was played at decibel levels I rightly feel shame for. I mean, I don't think there's forgiveness in all the land for what I am and what downright depraved objects, chemicals and fluids I once put in and rubbed onto my nasty, little whore body.

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Re: I Did It
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2012, 05:00:02 pm »
I mixed meat and dairy.

I wear clothes with zippers.

I fornicated prior to marriage.


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Re: I Did It
« Reply #14 on: March 05, 2012, 05:04:10 pm »
I mixed meat and dairy.

I wear clothes with zippers.

I fornicated prior to marriage.

And I'm sure you've consumed things prepared with unclean, non-kosher hands, ridden bicycles and elevators on Saturday and partaken in the consumption of crab, lobster or crawfish.

YUO ARE FUKED, SIR.