Some advice required on dealing with my flatmate...

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

So me and Payne are now living together, but we are sharing with 2 other guys. One of them is pretty cool, but the other one I don't know very well... I've known him since November, when Payne moved into the last place after escaping the Vegan Police. He made a generally good impression first off, just a little bit white middle class boy with intellectual superiority complex.

When my guarantor to move into their old house fell through, he was not exactly proactive in finding a new place to live... I did most of the work and actually found somewhere with my landlord from the last place I lived.. I know he isn't happy about the location or the size of our flat, but thems the breaks sometimes. I even put all the first months rent and deposit down on the ENTIRE PLACE, of which this guy has paid me back in full, but I haven't had any form of thanks or appreciation of my efforts, considering actually getting this place was a godamned miracle. It was only when we got down to this being a last chance that he begrudgingly agreed to take the option he was being given, and me and Payne could have just told both of the other guys, sorry, but Payne is going to move into mine until his debts are cleared and we have a deposit for a place for just us two. We really didn't want to fuck the cool guy over cos it would have meant him having to quit his horticulture course and move in with his mum.

Anyway flatmate number 2. He's from a nice part of town originally, and went to a pretty non-racially mixed school, and isn't consciously racist, but he does have a touch of xenophobia, mostly from not having much interaction, or positive experience with minorities.. I can kind of understand that, I don't really like it.

The way he talks about women BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. He makes blanket statements like "they're all impossible/crazy" To be honest I find this fucking offensive, I tend to find blanket statements about ANYTHING pretty out of line. Anyway, i was enjoying a nice selection of red wines after having a friend of mine and Payne's over for dinner, and he came in and said something about Dr Who in the Jon Pertwee era when all the female assistants did was make tea, and some crack about how they were better times, and how they "knew their place" I'm pretty drunk at this point, having been at the wine for at least 2 hours, and I've bit my tongue at all previous comments, I say "Yea, I know my place, and it's not making you a fucking sammich, you can get your own damn sammich" or words to that effect. This was pretty much in light banter mode still. Then I get onto the topic of gender inequality despite the fact that women make up the majority of the population, pay inequality and the severe lack of women in powerful positions in society. I may have got a bit loud and ranty at this point, but that's what drunk + holding my tongue on several occasions leads to sometimes. He then trots out his counter argument to that, that men are primed to be "Alpha males" and seek power on a biological level, and that women who do exactly the same job as men are getting paid less cos they aren't doing it as well, or it's cos women have kids and don't get to the pay level of their male peers. and that statistics are all bullshit. and condescendingly tells me that " he was only joking." about the Dr Who shit. I get pissed off and rant about white male privilege, and he flounces to his room. The white male privilege thing puts otherwise pretty cool flatmate number one's back up, cos he hasn't had exactly an easy ride in life,, and they fuck off to the pub.

Me, Payne and Pete the dinner guest are left, and i'm still mad as hell. Pete is an old punk with a history degree who chimed in about it being a patriarchal society still and was generally backing me up to some extent. and poor Payne gets the rest of my rant about the fact if he thinks it's "edgy" -funny or "controversial"-funny to say that shit then I pretty much think I have to share my home with a spoilt little douchebag for the next 6 months at least.

I'm wound up as all hell, am having trouble sleeping and I really don't need to tear this guy a new asshole, even though I desperately want to. How do you put it to someone that if you don't know them very well, he's coming across as a bit of a douche?

[Doktor Howl]

"Hey, you're being a douche."

Never underestimate the direct approach.  Call him on it, and don't let him wiggle off the hook.

Best done when he's hung over.

[East Coast Hustle]

Leave a big steaming dump on his pillow.

(disclaimer: ECH cannot be held legally liable for what happens if people actually take his advice)

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

"Hey, you're being a douche."

Never underestimate the direct approach.  Call him on it, and don't let him wiggle off the hook.

Best done when he's hung over.

Yea next chance I get imma pretty much say that I don't know him as well as the other guys but when you make blanket statements about women like that it makes you come across as a douchebag, joking or not.  This is as diplomatic as I think I can manage.

I'm just hoping it makes for better and not worse living conditions.

[Doktor Howl]

"Hey, you're being a douche."

Never underestimate the direct approach.  Call him on it, and don't let him wiggle off the hook.

Best done when he's hung over.

Yea next chance I get imma pretty much say that I don't know him as well as the other guys but when you make blanket statements about women like that it makes you come across as a douchebag, joking or not.  This is as diplomatic as I think I can manage.

I'm just hoping it makes for better and not worse living conditions.

You kind of have to set boundaries in this sort of thing.

And by "set boundaries", I mean, "Pitch a fucking wobbler".  And if it reinforces his beliefs, who gives a fuck, so long as he shuts his fucking pie hole about it?

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

yea, but if I pitch a wobbler imma do it in a calm, attempting to be reasonable,  barely controlled rage way, cos that is WAY scarier.

[Doktor Howl]

yea, but if I pitch a wobbler imma do it in a calm, attempting to be reasonable,  barely controlled rage way, cos that is WAY scarier.

But not as funny.

Also, youtube, pls.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

yea, but if I pitch a wobbler imma do it in a calm, attempting to be reasonable,  barely controlled rage way, cos that is WAY scarier.

But not as funny.

Also, youtube, pls.

hmm, youtubing it would be funny, but I do not has the means to do so.

Pitching a full on "fuck you asshole" WOULD be funny, and if he calls me crazy I can say, "i'm usually quite reasonable, maybe its not the women you know who are crazy, maybe dealing with you makes them that way."

[Freeky]

yea, but if I pitch a wobbler imma do it in a calm, attempting to be reasonable,  barely controlled rage way, cos that is WAY scarier.

But not as funny.

Also, youtube, pls.

hmm, youtubing it would be funny, but I do not has the means to do so.

Pitching a full on "fuck you asshole" WOULD be funny, and if he calls me crazy I can say, "i'm usually quite reasonable, maybe its not the women you know who are crazy, maybe dealing with you makes them that way."

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

I got stressed, still cant sleep, I went to take my herbal sleeping tablets and accidentally the laxatives (2) instead...

[Bu🤠ns]

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I vote direct approach as well. For someone who fancies themselves intellectually superior, the fellow is clinging to quite a few outdated thought-modes. If logic and reason fail - there's always ECH's approach. Or a taser.

[Triple Zero]

"Hey, you're being a douche."

Never underestimate the direct approach.  Call him on it, and don't let him wiggle off the hook.

Best done when he's hung over.

Yea next chance I get imma pretty much say that I don't know him as well as the other guys but when you make blanket statements about women like that it makes you come across as a douchebag, joking or not.  This is as diplomatic as I think I can manage.

I'm just hoping it makes for better and not worse living conditions.

Best not put all those qualifiers around it either. It's offensive, douchebag, period.

Adding it's because you "don't know him as well" has a good chance of him thinking you need to get used to him and his "style" and merely temporarily turning it down a slight notch.

+100 agreeings about best doing it when he's hungover, too. There's some possibility that he was drunk as well and something about next day shame etc.

[Bruno]

First of all, his entire premise is flawed concerning the assistants of the Pertwee era. Jo grant, maybe, but not Liz or Sarah. Liz had a PhD in Physics for crying out loud! If anything, the Davidson era was the most misogynistic. Tegan was dumb as a box of rocks, and Peri was basically just a helpless screaming whiny pair of tits.

My god, everything that comes out of this guys mouth is just wrong on so many levels!