YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?

[LMNO]

What confuses me is that there are, you know, recipies for this sort of thing.  Entire books devoted to it.  And, of course, there's Google.

Unless your bread cures cancer or something, I don't see why she needs to do it the way you do.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It's her indirect way of saying she wants you to drop everything and make it FOR her, Nigel.

What Dok said. Kink. Safeword.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

For this one, I think what I need is a rolled-up newspaper and a squirt bottle.

Well, whichever.  You have to be firm.  You have to say "no", or she'll be interrupting you when you're on one of those kind of drunks, you know?  And you WILL be held accountable for what happens next.  You live in Portland.  The police are not on your side.

I swear to god I'm going to lock her in the chicken coop.

It has a deadbolt. Just in case.

When the police show up, tell them it's her kink and that she refuses to say the safeword, no matter how hard you plead.  Tell them to take her away and get her the help she needs.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What confuses me is that there are, you know, recipies for this sort of thing.  Entire books devoted to it.  And, of course, there's Google.

Unless your bread cures cancer or something, I don't see why she needs to do it the way you do.

She thinks I'm magic because I can make bread without a recipe by winging it.

She thinks that if I tell her exactly how I do it, the magic will be conferred upon her, too.

It is an epic case of pissing the point.

[Doktor Howl]

Of course, worse things happen in America every day.  For example, a half a million people per year go to see THIS, for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_Palace

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's her indirect way of saying she wants you to drop everything and make it FOR her, Nigel.

What Dok said. Kink. Safeword.

I think that in this case, she really wants my bread juju. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Of course, worse things happen in America every day.  For example, a half a million people per year go to see THIS, for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_Palace

WHAT THE HELL?

[Doktor Howl]

Of course, worse things happen in America every day.  For example, a half a million people per year go to see THIS, for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_Palace

WHAT THE HELL?

One out of every 618 Americans go there EVERY YEAR.

[Cain]

Cain's guide to making bread.

"Its fucking bread.  Humanity figured out this shit around the same time it managed to learn to eat non-raw meat.  I'm sure you can manage."

This is because I am a paragon of virtue, and dedicated to a life of education and scholarly pursuits.

Part of the problem here is that she wants me to give her detailed instructions, which don't exist because I just wing it. But she can't comprehend "winging it", so she's always "BUT HOW MUCH, EXACTLY?"

If she wants a recipe, she should follow a recipe. If she wants to make bread the way I make bread, she needs to learn to fucking wing it.

Oh, she's one of those.

The only solution is to throw her into a situation where she has to wing it or die.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Of course, worse things happen in America every day.  For example, a half a million people per year go to see THIS, for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_Palace

WHAT THE HELL?

One out of every 618 Americans go there EVERY YEAR.

Not suprised.



Also, she will NEVER get your bread juju, Nigel. She wants instruction. Dough is a moody thing that behaves different ways according to the weather and she won't be able to roll with that. Tell her to go practice for ten years.

[LMNO]

Of course, worse things happen in America every day.  For example, a half a million people per year go to see THIS, for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_Palace

WHAT THE HELL?

One out of every 618 Americans go there EVERY YEAR.

Not suprised.



Also, she will NEVER get your bread juju, Nigel. She wants instruction. Dough is a moody thing that behaves different ways according to the weather and she won't be able to roll with that. Tell her to go practice for ten years.

I see what you did there.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Of course, worse things happen in America every day.  For example, a half a million people per year go to see THIS, for reasons that MAKE NO SENSE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_Palace

WHAT THE HELL?

One out of every 618 Americans go there EVERY YEAR.

Not suprised.



Also, she will NEVER get your bread juju, Nigel. She wants instruction. Dough is a moody thing that behaves different ways according to the weather and she won't be able to roll with that. Tell her to go practice for ten years.

I see what you did there.

Is there a Law of Fives emote?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

There kneads to be. 

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Hate to jump on that needy train, but if any menial jobs are getting turned down, go ahead and shoot them over to me. I'm not above menial, nor pitching a tent in PDX till menial becomes rent. Just sayin.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Just a friendly warning; if this thread turns into a pun-fest I'm going to ask to have it split.