Riddle me this PD...

[Richter]

Job Interview question time.

IF you were a kind of bread, what kind would you be.  And WHY?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Light rye with caraway seeds, because it's good with egg salad.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Sourdough

High maintenance and slightly unpopular

[East Coast Hustle]

I'd be a soup dumpling. That counts, right?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Whole grain, because I make you shit.

[Richter]

I'd be a soup dumpling. That counts, right?

I don't see why not. 

[Salty]

Whitebread because it works hard, pays its dues, and deserves some GOD DAMNED RESPECT.

[Richter]

Whole grain, because I make you shit.

No.
Twid, you're whole grain because fuck the rest of this shit.
Fuck production, fuck industrialization, fuck the factories, and the fucking wright brothers bullshit.
This is some old school shit up in this bitch.  White flour?  Asshole you WISH you ahd time for that.  The only thing bleached is going to be your face as the blood runs out of your namby-pamby first world softie colon as this old world bread atrocity storms out the back door. 

Son, you gonna WORK for that nutrition, and you better stack some surely fattening shit up ons, since this bastard will take more calories to digest than it's gonna give back.  That's the bread that gets bit, yells "NUTS TO YOU WHITE MAN", and bites back.

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

Job Interview question time.

IF you were a kind of bread, what kind would you be.  And WHY?

The Eucharist. Because when you take me with cheap wine I become God incarnate.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Whole grain, because I make you shit.

No.
Twid, you're whole grain because fuck the rest of this shit.
Fuck production, fuck industrialization, fuck the factories, and the fucking wright brothers bullshit.
This is some old school shit up in this bitch.  White flour?  Asshole you WISH you ahd time for that.  The only thing bleached is going to be your face as the blood runs out of your namby-pamby first world softie colon as this old world bread atrocity storms out the back door. 

Son, you gonna WORK for that nutrition, and you better stack some surely fattening shit up ons, since this bastard will take more calories to digest than it's gonna give back.  That's the bread that gets bit, yells "NUTS TO YOU WHITE MAN", and bites back.

Damn. 

[Richter]

Whitebread because it works hard, pays its dues, and deserves some GOD DAMNED RESPECT.

Dues?  What the fuck is this, the Rotary Club?

Hell no, you may be the first shit that any hoosier could grab off the shelf at the local grocery.  You may fold flat and cling to the roof of their mouth.  You may impact their colons, jack their blood pressure, and take more processing than most goddamn fissionable material.

They'll look down their noses like salesmen and laugh and say "Well boy, what have you done for us lately?"

Screw their wrinkled old condescending diapered asses.  You know the fuck what?  You are always there for the one that are worth not laughing at when the colon rot cancer sets in. 
(Wonderbread claims to restoring sexual potency notwithstanding.)

[Richter]

Sourdough

High maintenance and slightly unpopular

Sure, they can forget you on the coutner for awhile.  Just.. left there.

But you're not going to stand for that shit.  OH bitch, yuo'll be back fro them, and fist fuck down past their uvula with the spite you've been fermenting.  Fucking asshole thinking they can neglect their bread.  They ASKED for it.

[Richter]

Light rye with caraway seeds, because it's good with egg salad.

This ain't the shit you toss at the nursery school kids.
One-off school lunches for the crowd?  Dangerous when left in the sun?

HELL NO.  You're just one frisky, fungus ladden crop away from dropping a Salem Masshole on their Faceholes.

They'll do the twitch and bitch, barbecuing each other for shits and giggles while you sip bourbon and calously laugh.

Some shithead will run out of the mob like that kid at the end of "A Time to Kill", point at you and say "WITCH", like he was the shit for fucking figuring it out, and try to get the others into it.

Well, you'll put a curb stomping stop to that won't you?  They'll all look aghast, but will melt like a snowcone at a biker bar when you look them in the eye and say, "YEah? and YUO want some?" smiling like a maniac in the turqoise cowboy boots.

Goddamn lynch mobs haven't had any balls since BArcelona.

[Juana]

Potato

[Richter]

Potato

What the dick?  CLeverness?  Contradictorians?

Trying to be all McDonalds, barging in and showing off the new "Grown up taste" "Arch deluxe" potato bread BS.  WHat the hell is this?  La Patiserie?

NO.

GODDAMN BREAD TIME.