I know what this looks like, but...

[Oysters Rockefeller]

   Alright, listen.

   I know that we, as a people, feel that we, as a people, have that right to this disney-perfect existence. And I can't, in all honestly, fault somebody for wanting the best possible life for themselves. But I worry that you, and actually most of us, have blindly accepted this idea that if you try hard enough to shoot for a life without disorder, you'll get it.

   And you wont. Nobody will. And that's okay.

   Life is chaos. You try and create some anarchy, some shmuck will come along and fix it up all nice and tidy. You try and create order, some other shmuck'll come along and mess it up. You can't be happy in a world where you obsess over creating a sterile, blissful environment, because it's impossible. You're attached to a life that nobody can have. And whenever you don't get it, you'll just feel worse than you did before.

   Accept the chaos. Buy a new carpet and spill shit on it. Throw away something you'd like to hold on to. Be late to work because fuck it, not because of traffic. Be early, and blame THAT on the traffic. Don't vote for the man or woman you think will fix the country, vote for the one that'll fuck things up. We use an electoral college, your vote doesn't count anyway!

   And that's really a perfect example. The Government set up the electoral college to help the voting process. To make it nice and orderly. But all it really does is mess things up!

   Woah, hold on! Put down the gun, I'm not done. Everybody wants stability. And sometimes that's fine. Some people just want to break shit, and sometimes that's fine too. But neither one of those two things are permanent. It's all chaos. Law and regulation aren't synonymous with good! And if you think the kind of society that places all its effort on order would really afford us any freedom, I don't know what to do for you.

   So yes, officer. That is a dead hooker in my trunk. A dead hooker I embrace (metaphorically) with everything I have, because life is chaos and I don't want it any other way!

   Wait, wait, wait! Put down the handcuffs! Didn't you listen to anything I just said?!

[navkat]

I used to wince when the broom or vacuum marred my furniture intil I had a kid.

Once I gave birth to Lex, The Childe Supervillain (otherwise known as DESTRUCTOR), I had to make the choice to be sort of okay with pushing the extreme limits of chaos theory. Yes, I realize it's a statistically atypical number of unexplained anomolies to occur around a being that is himself a small displacement of matter but it is only through Quantum Theory that one can explain postulations like
"How did a pair of pants end up on the ceiling fan?"

"What is that strange, gelatinous cobalt-blue shape that could only be described as a cartoon blueberry doing stuck so high upon the wall?"

"What might have produced that sonic boom from within a 10x12 bedroom when all of the walls and furnishings are still upright and nothing appears to have fallen?"

"How did what appears to be the entire mass of a melted bar of chocolate materialize onto the child's face and hands when there was no chocolate inside this house?"

"Why did all of the birds and other wildlife in the area suddenly become silent the moment the child ran out of the shed, gleefully hollering "I found a RAKE!"?"

Chaos. All the possibilities are due to happen eventually and there's nothing you can do about it. Just enjoy the pretty mushroom cloud.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

There's a seal stuck in the Halloween cobweb that's suspended between my antique living-room light fixture and the soffit.

So, yeah.

[navkat]

See? Nigel's lucky it wasn't stuck half in and half out of the wall like something out of The Manhattan Project.

A lot of people, when faced with these sorts of realized improbabilities are tempted to succumb to divine interpretation and pray. This is a fallacy though. God can't save you.