WORKERS OF THE WORLD!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I got Beserker, but it also said I'd die in a longboat, WTF? 

Your Viking Name is...
Steinunn the Fearsome
(Well, actually, that wouldn't really be your name -- since you're female, your name would be something like "Steinunn Björnsdottir". But this is the twenty-first century, and you want to be known for who you are, not for who your father was, right? Right.)

Your Viking Personality: You're a doughty, stalwart Viking, or at least you would be if you were male. You have a thirst for battle, and tend to strike first and think later. As a Viking, you're one of the "berserkers", and rush into battle with no clothes on. If the sight of you naked isn't enough to disable the enemy, your sword certainly will be.

If you ever tried to make a voyage in a Viking longboat, you would die. Either from seasickness, or from your shipmates throwing you overboard into shark-infested waters. You possess some skills which other Vikings respect, though in your case their respect is tinged with fear.

You don't have a lot of tact, so it's lucky Vikings never cared much for diplomacy. The only people who trust you completely are the ones who've never met you.

[EK WAFFLR]

Wot? How come you get to be a Berserker? Is it that pure Norse blood of yours?

Are Berserkers born, or made? Is there a course I can take?

Most are born, but large quantities of Urine of Moose That's Eaten a Shitload of Amanita Muscaria can make you one, for a short while.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Jökull Ferretstomper

Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You are strong and tireless, frequently shouldering burdens that would tire lesser men. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you're no "berserker".

You might grumble a bit at the lack of amenities on board a Viking longboat, but you can handle it. You possess some skills which other Vikings respect.

You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. You sometimes come off as a bit of a snob. Vikings are not snobbish people -- they either like you, or they kill you. Try to be more like a Viking.

Eh, good enough.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

Wot? How come you get to be a Berserker? Is it that pure Norse blood of yours?

Are Berserkers born, or made? Is there a course I can take?

Most are born, but large quantities of Urine of Moose That's Eaten a Shitload of Amanita Muscaria can make you one, for a short while.

Can't I just go straight to the Fungus, and cut-out the middle-fluid?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I can't believe I spent minutes of my life doing this.

Kolfinna Oxjaw

(Well, actually, that wouldn't really be your name -- since you're female, your name would be something like "Kolfinna Björnsdottir". But this is the twenty-first century, and you want to be known for who you are, not for who your father was, right? Right.)

Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You are strong and tireless, frequently shouldering burdens that would tire lesser women. You're not a "berserker", but you're among the toughest sane Vikings around.

You can handle long sea voyages easily, despite the lack of amenities. Other Vikings would consider you "one of the guys" if you were a guy. (But even though you're a woman, they still think you're all right.)

You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Due to your gregariousness, you don't strike fear into the hearts of your victims. Try to be a little more surly in the future.

[Freeky]

Your Viking Name is...
Niðbjörg Stronglegs

(Well, actually, that wouldn't really be your name -- since you're female, your name would be something like "Niðbjörg Björnsdottir". But this is the twenty-first century, and you want to be known for who you are, not for who your father was, right? Right.)

Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You are strong and tireless, frequently shouldering burdens that would tire lesser women. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you're no "berserker".

You might grumble a bit at the lack of amenities on board a Viking longboat, but you can handle it. You possess some skills which other Vikings respect, though in your case their respect is tinged with fear.

People who've known you for a while don't always trust your word. Due to your gregariousness, you don't strike fear into the hearts of your victims. Try to be a little more surly in the future.

My name looks pretty.

[navkat]

Wot? How come you get to be a Berserker? Is it that pure Norse blood of yours?

Are Berserkers born, or made? Is there a course I can take?

Most are born, but large quantities of Urine of Moose That's Eaten a Shitload of Amanita Muscaria can make you one, for a short while.

Can't I just go straight to the Fungus, and cut-out the middle-fluid?

Yeah, and don't tell us it's part of some ritual or something, just give us the pretty colors. You can keep your goat pee or whatevs.

[Cain]

Workers of the world!  You're 10 seconds over time on your piss-break, I'm docking your pay.

[navkat]

she was paid not by the hour but by the trailer -- a stressful pay scheme meant to encourage her and her colleagues to work faster and faster, and one that the labor movement worked hard to abolish in many industries in the 20th century.

More going backwards. Everything backwards this decade. Abolish birth control, bring back unfair labor practices and racial killings. FUN.

[LMNO]

Question: What if this isn't moving backwards? What if this is simply LOOKING BEHIND THE CURTAIN?

Fuck Zalgo.  This is what waits behind the wall.

[Cain]

Workers of the world - party like it's the dot-com bubble!

Columbia Law Professor John Coffee, for instance, who's not exactly a hair-on-fire, anti-market reformer, told the Senate last year that the removal of the requirement for broker-dealer registrations for those soliciting investment on the internet was so carelessly done, you could have renamed the proposed bill the "Boiler Room Legalization Act of 2011."

"It's not even bringing us back to the nineties," says a former regulator and Washington-based lawyer. "It's bringing us back to the Twenties. It's bringing us back to the penny stock era."

[navkat]

It's not that. There've always been abuses to the system: twisting of numbers, manipulation of the definitions of things, cheats, thieves, slave-owners. We've just haven't been so readily accepting in a long time.

We fail to rage because it's sort of gradual: an injustice happens, nothing happens. Another injustice, no remedy. Eventually, injustice loses its "novelty." If Upton Sinclair had written his book this year, no one would care.

This is how they'll kill us: not with bats and guns but with lube.

[Doktor Howl]

BTW, thanks, Cain.  This thread lasted 4 posts before turning into a showcase for viking descriptions that were all the same.

[Cain]

We fail to rage because it's sort of gradual: an injustice happens, nothing happens. Another injustice, no remedy. Eventually, injustice loses its "novelty." If Upton Sinclair had written his book this year, no one would care.

Did you say Upton Sinclair?

Workers of the World - enjoy your chicken sandwich!

[Cain]

BTW, thanks, Cain.  This thread lasted 4 posts before turning into a showcase for viking descriptions that were all the same.

Not a problem.  I've been reading Corey Robin's blog (he of The Reactionary Mind) where I came across the first link, and then decided this thread needed to be saved.