Give me ambiguity or give me something else!

[Salty]

People have this idea in their head that once they have
UNLIMITED DATA
is some kind of lost freedom they once had. If only they had
UNLIMITED DATA
they would be able to do all those things that will finally make them happy. The best part is as long as they have
UNLIMITED DATA
they don't have to worry about their weight or their job or their kid or their bills, they'll have
UNLIMITED DATA
and all will be well.

[Doktor Howl]

They NEED unlimited data, Alty.

Just like they NEED to sooper-size.

Anything less is for smudgy people in unfurnished countries.

[Doktor Howl]

It occurs to me that *I* need UNLIMITED DATA.  What's more, I need TOTAL ACCESS.  Anything less is a snub to my God-given American right to entitlement.  If UNLIMITED DATA and TOTAL ACCESS were cocaine, I'd be out back snorting it off the lid of a dumpster crammed with the bodies of dead hookers, while singing I've Got Rythym, and doing a little dance.

Give me my UNLIMITED DATA, you angry little Hungarian, and things won't have to get ugly.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Alty is on a roll. 

[Cain]

If the Founders had had UNLIMITED DATA all the problems of America would be fixed.  According to this study I read,

[Salty]

Howl, you'll get it when you learn to toe the line!

Cain, was it this one?

As recent demands by customers of various telecommunication companies for unlimited data have increased and complaints of capped data usage and "throttling" have increased many of these companies have began to alter their business strategy. 

Frank Pent, the PR Director for Discotel Inc., has been utilizing tactics the competition has labeled "bizzare". 

"It's simple really, you have to start with a blond. Americans just respond to blondes, we've done studies" Pent leans back in his chair and lights another cigar, his eighth so far. "And you're going to want to interview her thoroughly. Everyone has limits but you're going to have to open-minded. How many guys are too many? Would a trustworthy older female in the room make her more comfortable with trying new things."

While these solutions are viable as far as raw resources go, how do the detractors feel?

"it's ridiculous!" says Vick Dactyl, CEO of Knext Cellular. "If you're going to have a shop full of lunkheads banging some pretty young thing she can't well be picky when it comes to hair pulling. It will never work as a business model, and you can tell him I said that."

With network costs rising as customers demand faster speeds, and larger transfer rates, with lower prices it's unknown just what the telcos will do in the end. 

There's something wrong with me maybe.

[Freeky]

Perhaps there is, but it's oh so right.

[Doktor Howl]

Howl, you'll get it when you learn to toe the line!

I am a Good American™.  I pay my taxes.  I rarely commit felonies.  I drive a Jeep.  I own guns.  I regularly make disparaging comments about Europeans and people from unfurnished countries.  I shop at box stores.  I throw food away while half the world starves, and laugh about it.

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY UNLIMITED DATA?

[EK WAFFLR]

The Europeans took it.

[Doktor Howl]

The Europeans took it.

I fucking knew it.  And why?  You have no use for it.

It's just plain selfishness, I say.

[Don Coyote]

The Europeans took it.

I fucking knew it.  And why?  You have no use for it.

It's just plain selfishness, I say.

To market Ikea brand Lutefisk and other sordid and immoral products on an unsuspecting and innocent America^TM

[Doktor Howl]

The Europeans took it.

I fucking knew it.  And why?  You have no use for it.

It's just plain selfishness, I say.

To market Ikea brand Lutefisk and other sordid and immoral products on an unsuspecting and innocent America^TM

They only need SOME data for that.  They don't have NEEDS like we Americans™ have.  They have wants.

They shouldn't have gotten my UNLIMITED DATA.

[EK WAFFLR]

The Europeans took it.

I fucking knew it.  And why?  You have no use for it.

It's just plain selfishness, I say.

What Guru Coyote said.
Also, if it's American™, we want a piece of the pie.

[Doktor Howl]

The Europeans took it.

I fucking knew it.  And why?  You have no use for it.

It's just plain selfishness, I say.

What Guru Coyote said.
Also, if it's American™, we want a piece of the pie.

And after all we've done for you.

[EK WAFFLR]

The Europeans took it.

I fucking knew it.  And why?  You have no use for it.

It's just plain selfishness, I say.

What Guru Coyote said.
Also, if it's American™, we want a piece of the pie.

And after all we've done for you.

You've said it yourself. We are egoistic, communist individualists.