Good morning.

[Doktor Howl]

GOOD FUCKING MORNING to all you creepy-faced weiners.  Gorge your stupid guts with McDonalds until you bloat yourself into some kind of hideous freak you stupid assed dumb jerk bastards. Don't forget to put political bumper stickers on your cars to show how Goddamn WITTY you are, you freak ugly puke butted damn crap bag bastard ass sons and daughters of bitches.  Be sure to remember how superior you are because you chose to be born in America, you skunk barf reeking stink rag vomitty-looking bags of bowel intestines with your ugly lumpy dumb looking stupid dopey faces on the fronts of your stupid dumb damn dumb crap headed stupid stinky dumb ass butt faced ugly boiled onion looking eyed heads while you are shoveling lousy ass crappy fast food into your broken stump toothed rot and turd smelling slobber lipped whiskery sewer pipe looking and smelling rotten stinky like a pig's butt if a pig butt had its own even stinkier butt on it that crapped even smellier worse turds out of it than even Ted Nugent can manage.

That is all.  You may now return to your daily America™.

Fuckers.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I'm starting to get a vague suspicion that you aren't very fond of most people, Dok.

I can't imagine why, when you could be spending all that hate on prepackaged Hate Targets carefully selected for you by vague yet powerful forces.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

MOAR

[Doktor Howl]

I'm starting to get a vague suspicion that you aren't very fond of most people, Dok.

I can't imagine why, when you could be spending all that hate on prepackaged Hate Targets carefully selected for you by vague yet powerful forces.

I'm not an elitist.

[Doktor Howl]

MOAR

YOU THINK I'M HERE TO DANCE FOR YOU, YOU WHEY-FACED BOGHOPPING MICK BASTARD PRICK FUCKWAD SHITGOBBLING EAST COAST FRY COOK LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER?

I guess I am.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

MOAR

YOU THINK I'M HERE TO DANCE FOR YOU, YOU WHEY-FACED BOGHOPPING MICK BASTARD PRICK FUCKWAD SHITGOBBLING EAST COAST FRY COOK LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER?

I guess I am.

I look like a fry cook?

[Doktor Howl]

MOAR

YOU THINK I'M HERE TO DANCE FOR YOU, YOU WHEY-FACED BOGHOPPING MICK BASTARD PRICK FUCKWAD SHITGOBBLING EAST COAST FRY COOK LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER?

I guess I am.

I look like a fry cook?

The whole world looks like fry cooks to me.  Each and every fucked up, stinking, primate crawling across my Goddamn planet and pooping everywhere. 

[Don Coyote]

OK let's see.

How am I doing it wrong? HOW AM I NOT AMERICAN ENOUGH^TM

Fast food breakfast?
Uncheck. I ate some kind of probably mostly proccessed cereal food product. half a point?

Bumper sticker?
Uncheck. FUCK I MUST HAVE TO STUPID STICKERS TO SHOW MY BULLSHIT OPINIONS. zero points?

Chose to be born in America?
uncheck? I dunno. 1 point?


Everything else? Dammit Dok. I can't help it if I am sexy like all the sexy people of Walmart. Maybe if you lowered your standards somemore, America^TM would be looking so sexy you would want to jam your bits into it until they broke off.

[Doktor Howl]

Everything else? Dammit Dok. I can't help it if I am sexy like all the sexy people of Walmart. Maybe if you lowered your standards somemore, America^TM would be looking so sexy you would want to jam your bits into it until they broke off.

Just imagine what those people are gonna look like in 20 years.  You'll be on your barstool, trying to ignore what's next to you while you shiver inside and swill cheap scotch...Because you know if you look at the tattooed skinbag next to you, those tats are gonna start moving again, and then you'll lose it.

You'll puke like you've never puked before, you'll puke until you black out.

Then you'll wake up in the alley to the sound of barflies giggling while they rifle through your wallet, and then you'll hear their voices and footsteps fade away.

And then you'll hear a toothless-sounding chuckle, and you'll realize that you're alone with her, and you're still to sick to scream for help.

Then you will understand America™.

But then, of course, it's TOO LATE.

[Don Coyote]

Some days I wish I would grow up just like you.

Today is not one of those days. I think I am going to spend the rest of the day huddled in the tub with the lights off cleaning a shotgun until the floor stops dancing.

[Doktor Howl]

Some days I wish I would grow up just like you.

Today is not one of those days. I think I am going to spend the rest of the day huddled in the tub with the lights off cleaning a shotgun until the floor stops dancing.

I've always said that a shotgun is a great investment.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

REAL AMERICANS HAVEN'T SEEN THEIR JUNK IN DECADES

OK, sometimes it's not that. Sometimes the liver just...inflates.

[Cain]

His nursing home records indicated that he had a vigorous appetite, despite not having a bowl movement for more than a month.

So, apparently, that's not a cause for concern in nursing homes either.  I'd seriously commit suicide before entering one of those things.

[Doktor Howl]

His nursing home records indicated that he had a vigorous appetite, despite not having a bowl movement for more than a month.

So, apparently, that's not a cause for concern in nursing homes either.  I'd seriously commit suicide before entering one of those things.

I like to think of those as veal pens for hate.

If I get shoved in one, I will shit the bed twice a day until the orderlies push my wheelchair down the fire stairs.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It's apparently not a cause for concern to this meme woman, either. You can see her colon on her right side: