Why You Are a Dumbfuck, America.

[Doktor Howl]

You are a dumbfuck because you either have no perspective to begin with, having been raised in some sort of squirrely environment by Christians or White Power yahoos.  Or Maybe you're a tragically hip 40 year old...And you think your intellect is so vast, it gives you carte blanche to hit on 18 year olds in the hot tub and grin as if that's SO COOL, MAN.  Even in a $600 suit with 40 terabytes of hubris in the liner, you are still a dumbfuck.

Its like Bill Hicks' great bit....

A waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama walked up to my booth as I was checking out this book and said 'What are you reading for?' Not 'What are you reading?,' but what FOR.  I said "Well, sometimes I read for pleasure and sometimes for information, but mostly I read so I don't wind up as a waitress in a Waffle House in Fife, Alabama!"

That waitress is part of the backbone of This Great Nation: dumbfucks.

On one "side," you have Fifers and Seguin-ers of various sorts and on the other, wannabe-savvy, self-important scenesters who hate the Fifers so much, they behave like their mirror opposites in a perverse bid NOT to be like them.  They end up not 180 degrees diffferent, but 360 degrees the SAME, in REVERSE.  This is why you are a dumbfuck.  I can lord this over you because I am NOT a dumbfuck, merely a part-time shithead and you should listen to me 'cause my name is Doktor Howl, and brother, I been AROUND.

Discuss as you kiss my Goddamn ass and SHUT UP.

Okay for now,
Dok

[East Coast Hustle]

Yup.

This is why most people like me but I hardly have any friends*. Most people aren't worth investing the time or effort in.



* defined as: people I would help to hide a body if they needed it

[Doktor Howl]

Yup.

This is why most people like me but I hardly have any friends*. Most people aren't worth investing the time or effort in.



* defined as: people I would help to hide a body if they needed it

The Dumbfucks don't NEED to hide bodies, though.  At least if they live in a gated community.  And while Discordians have PROVEN that they can be Dumbfucks, sometimes we AREN'T, though it sometimes gets hard to remember that.  So I still have friends, it's just that sometimes I have to remind myself of why.

[Icey]

Bill Hicks is my patron saint.

[Phox]

Being a dumbfuck can come in many forms. Whether you are outright lacking in intellect, as so many poor schmoes, or even if you are the Smartest Guy in the Room.

Hell, it's worse if you're the SGitR. Going out of your way to prove that you are (in)correct, belittling those who "think" they know better, and giving yourself a pat on the back when your sycophants shout down your opposition is pretty much textbook dumbfuck behavior. Using words and phrases like "pseudo-intellectual", "not as smart as you think", and "misinformed" to describe every single person who disagrees with you is coming close to being married 9 times, innit?

And let's not forget logicism. The Temple of Reason is still strong and there are people who feel that rationality and logic trump knowledge, observation, and the sheer malice of the universe (Har har!). These people, who will argue with you until they are blue in the face, just because "logically, things don't work like that", even if, especially if in reality, they do. It's nice to have a set of rules and formal proofs for arguing, and logic is one of the many useful tools we use, but it's is not a universal solvent, and is certainly far from perfect in practice, and yet there are many, many dumbfucks who swear by it, and think that logic will save them when some eldritch abomination rises out of LMNO's pance to eat them.

Love and kisses,
D. Jennifer Phox

[Doktor Howl]

Bill Hicks is my patron saint.

He's a lot of peoples' patron saint...At least here, though some people don't know it, yet.

But the thing is, we do on occasion act just like the people he ragged on.  And by "we", I mean damn near everyone on this board.  Squiddy doesn't, but she has antifreeze for blood and can't be bothered with the squabbles of mere mortals.

What's really funny about it is that we typically choose the most monkey-like of monkey behaviors, while congratulating ourselves that we're not JUST LIKE the po'buckers on occasion.  So you get huge Goddamn fights over SILLY ASS SHIT, and then a period of days or weeks or months where we don't talk to each other because we're SO ANGRY!  GRRRRR!

In some cases, it gets so bad that the person(s) involved either alienate everyone around them, or become alienated to everyone around them, or both.  Then they're stuck hanging around on Pagan boards, trying to pretend to believe silly shit again, because that's their new tribe and they feel they have to adopt those tribal beliefs.

Or worse, they're stuck in the Nashville bus station, looking at what people write, but too butthurt and proud to just LET IT DROP and join in the conversations that have kept their interest.

This is what happened to Khara and a few others, and you'd think that smart folks like us would maybe, you know, LEARN from that shit, but no, we're just SO DAMN ANGRY and we want people to LOOK AT US and APPRECIATE just how mad we are. 

LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[Doktor Howl]

And let's not forget logicism. The Temple of Reason is still strong and there are people who feel that rationality and logic trump knowledge, observation, and the sheer malice of the universe (Har har!). These people, who will argue with you until they are blue in the face, just because "logically, things don't work like that", even if, especially if in reality, they do.

I call that "Engineer's Syndrome", but it is by no means restricted to engineers.

If the book says the train coming toward you can stop before it turns you into red goo, that's all fine and good, but maybe you should also think about GETTING OFF THE TRACKS, too.  Or, if you're a particularly smart monkey, STAYING OFF THE TRACKS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[Cain]

I believe Dumbfuckery may be a universal condition, Doktor.  However, like many mental illnesses, it has certain cultural aspects to it, which can affect the manifestation of Dumbfuckery within a certain population.

Consider, by way of an example, the English.  The English dumbfuck resembles both the American dumfuck in a physical and intellectual sense.  However, in the case of the English dumbfuck, history, rather than religion, is the critical factor.  The British dumbfuck, no matter how uneducated, is nevertheless aware that Britain had an empire, and used to rule over not only the blacks and Muslims and Indians, but also, to a degree, over white people.  He is also aware that Britain saved the world from the Germans twice - he may only know that the Germans were "bad", but that is enough.

And so, he expects, nay, demands respect, from non-British whites, from the wimmenz for saving them from rape-a-licious Huns, from the smudgy foreigner (though he should go back "where he came from").  Unfortunately, the British dumbfuck, an overweight, drunken, unintelligent fool, does not command respect on his own terms.  He might, if he had anything to do with the above events.  But he does not, and was not even born when they occured.

As such, the British dumbfuck goes around demanding respect from people who have no reason to personally respect him, for things he did not do, during a period he was not alive in.  And when they reasonably do not, instead of educating himself, or adjusting his worldview, he instead relies on his "common sense" to tell him he nevertheless deserves these things, and so lashes out against those who will not praise him. 

Can there be a more perfect illustration of a dumbfuck, I ask you?

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

You are a dumbfuck because you will eat this food waste and like it, or you will pay the Real Food tax and get smug about it.

[Doktor Howl]

As such, the British dumbfuck goes around demanding respect from people who have no reason to personally respect him, for things he did not do, during a period he was not alive in.  And when they reasonably do not, instead of educating himself, or adjusting his worldview, he instead relies on his "common sense" to tell him he nevertheless deserves these things, and so lashes out against those who will not praise him. 

Can there be a more perfect illustration of a dumbfuck, I ask you?

Ah, yes.

The English Dumbfuck will say "it stands to reason" while defending an idea that patently does NOT stand to reason.  He will then kick your head in with a half-dozen of his mates if you do not in fact agree that it stands to reason.

The American Dumbfuck will say, "You have book smarts but no common sense", which is his way of saying, "If you don't stop threatening my beliefs, I will get a half-dozen of my friends and kick your head in."

The lesson here is, either don't argue with Dumbfucks, or make sure you have more than 6 friends around.

[Doktor Howl]

You are a dumbfuck because you will eat this food waste and like it, or you will pay the Real Food tax and get smug about it.

Sometimes you just get to choose between which KIND of Dumbass you'd like to be.  Because we were DUMBASSES and let Them rig the system that way.

[Icey]

Bill Hicks is my patron saint.

He's a lot of peoples' patron saint...At least here, though some people don't know it, yet.

But the thing is, we do on occasion act just like the people he ragged on.  And by "we", I mean damn near everyone on this board.  Squiddy doesn't, but she has antifreeze for blood and can't be bothered with the squabbles of mere mortals.

What's really funny about it is that we typically choose the most monkey-like of monkey behaviors, while congratulating ourselves that we're not JUST LIKE the po'buckers on occasion.  So you get huge Goddamn fights over SILLY ASS SHIT, and then a period of days or weeks or months where we don't talk to each other because we're SO ANGRY!  GRRRRR!

In some cases, it gets so bad that the person(s) involved either alienate everyone around them, or become alienated to everyone around them, or both.  Then they're stuck hanging around on Pagan boards, trying to pretend to believe silly shit again, because that's their new tribe and they feel they have to adopt those tribal beliefs.

Or worse, they're stuck in the Nashville bus station, looking at what people write, but too butthurt and proud to just LET IT DROP and join in the conversations that have kept their interest.

This is what happened to Khara and a few others, and you'd think that smart folks like us would maybe, you know, LEARN from that shit, but no, we're just SO DAMN ANGRY and we want people to LOOK AT US and APPRECIATE just how mad we are. 

LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I think one of the effects of being enlightened (or the illusion of such) and the resulting disillusionment brings forth in hideous amounts of anger, to which a no normal human can effectively dissipate. As such,  I find it common to forge fewer, but stronger relationships to people we can relate to as they are so far between. The real issue comes when our friends in some way validate our anger and we unleash the fermented hate we've been storing for years. It can lead to much interpersonal strife.

But then again, I'm an idiot. I'll show you a picture of a green dog.

[Doktor Howl]

I think one of the effects of being enlightened (or the illusion of such) and the resulting disillusionment brings forth in hideous amounts of anger, to which a no normal human can effectively dissipate. As such,  I find it common to forge fewer, but stronger relationships to people we can relate to as they are so far between. The real issue comes when our friends in some way validate our anger and we unleash the fermented hate we've been storing for years. It can lead to much interpersonal strife.

I wouldn't know, because I've never been enlightened.  And, as a matter of personal preference, I try to have MORE friends than I really want, because tight-knit groups lead to fart-sniffing.

But your point is a valid one.  Shitting in your tub might feel satisfying at first, but when the bathwater gets cold, you're always sorry.  Likewise, picking fights with your friends might feel good for a few minutes, but it's never really worth it.

[Doktor Howl]

Khara:

Couldn't bring yourself to hit the "post" button?  Are you really still that mad?  Or is it just some weird form of pride?

[LMNO]

I try to build in self-deprication in such a way to remind myself that even though I often walk on two feet, I am still a big-brained monkey.