You know what makes me angry?

[Doktor Howl]

You know what makes me angry?  You know what really makes me pee?  I mean, besides You People being on my planet.  I mean right now, at this moment.

1.  People who block you on Facebook because someone else told them to do so.  That has to be the most passive-aggressive shit EVER.  I mean, I don't actually WANT to read any of these peoples' posts, and I don't particularly CARE anymore WHY someone is SO INSANELY BUTTHURT that they find a completely useless way to snub someone (It was weeks before I noticed), but the very idea that I would be pissed off by something in Zuckerbergland...THAT pisses me off.  To the people concerned, GET A FUCKING LIFE.  And I don't care how long I've known you.  Sissy-ass shit like that makes me NOT want to know you.  But, hey, YOU REALLY SHOWED ME, right?  Right right right?  HAR!  GTFO.

2.  People whose rectums are so intensely damaged that they won't post, but keep lurking and reading conversations, DESPERATE to see what people are saying about them.  Its' kind of creepy.  Well, here you go.  Do you feel better now?

3.  This fucking coffee.  It's VILE.  It tastes like roofing tar that was mixed with Keith Richards' embalming fluid, then passed through a cow.  HOW THE HELL DO YOU FUCK UP COFFEE?  It's really Goddamn simple.  Just pour a pot of water in the back of the coffee pot (where it says "add water here"), and put 2 scoops of coffee in a filter, put the filter in the machine, and PRESS THE ON BUTTON.  How do people fuck shit like that up?

That's all for now.
Dok

[Cain]

Lolz.

They may yet actually post, Dok.  Don't give up hope!

[Doktor Howl]

Lolz.

They may yet actually post, Dok.  Don't give up hope!

4.  The idea that they might post.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

You know what makes me angry?  You know what really makes me pee?  I mean, besides You People being on my planet.  I mean right now, at this moment.

1.  People who block you on Facebook because someone else told them to do so.  That has to be the most passive-aggressive shit EVER.  I mean, I don't actually WANT to read any of these peoples' posts, and I don't particularly CARE anymore WHY someone is SO INSANELY BUTTHURT that they find a completely useless way to snub someone (It was weeks before I noticed), but the very idea that I would be pissed off by something in Zuckerbergland...THAT pisses me off.  To the people concerned, GET A FUCKING LIFE.  And I don't care how long I've known you.  Sissy-ass shit like that makes me NOT want to know you.  But, hey, YOU REALLY SHOWED ME, right?  Right right right?  HAR!  GTFO.

2.  People whose rectums are so intensely damaged that they won't post, but keep lurking and reading conversations, DESPERATE to see what people are saying about them.  Its' kind of creepy.  Well, here you go.  Do you feel better now?

3.  This fucking coffee.  It's VILE.  It tastes like roofing tar that was mixed with Keith Richards' embalming fluid, then passed through a cow.  HOW THE HELL DO YOU FUCK UP COFFEE?  It's really Goddamn simple.  Just pour a pot of water in the back of the coffee pot (where it says "add water here"), and put 2 scoops of coffee in a filter, put the filter in the machine, and PRESS THE ON BUTTON.  How do people fuck shit like that up?

That's all for now.
Dok

I was with you until you said "2 scoops." I can't feel my toes without at least 4.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

As far as the coffee thing goes... Ive never really thought of it but damn. There is no reason whatsoever for bad coffee.

[Doktor Howl]

I was with you until you said "2 scoops." I can't feel my toes without at least 4.

I just drink more to make up the lack.

[Doktor Howl]

As far as the coffee thing goes... Ive never really thought of it but damn. There is no reason whatsoever for bad coffee.

Unless you're in the army.  I know how they make it there, and frankly, it tastes no better than it should.

[Phox]

Hey, this is a good idea. Listing things that make me angry is just what the Doktor ordered:

1. Those people you see on the street or on the internet whose idea of a proper debate is who gets in the most insults and/or screaming. We all know that VOLUME = WINNING, as Charley Sheen, Joe Pesci, and hundreds of others have taught us, but these people don't realize that it's an incomplete equation. VOLUME IS ONLY EQUAL TO WINNING WHEN THE VALUE OF X IS A VALID POINT. v+x = w.... IS THIS SO HARD, MOTHERFUCKERS!?

2. Quotebots. You know them. Those insufferable douches who constantly (mis)quote TV shows, movies, books, or anyone or anything else? Those people. I mean, sometimes a well-timed quote is funny or apropos, but if that's your only conversational skill, then you might want to try being quiet until that moment arrives.

3. Dil dip. WHO MAKES THIS SHIT? SERIOUSLY? WHOEVER THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA NEEDS TO HAVE THEIR FRONTAL LOBE REPLACED WITH A BAKED POTATO!

[Doktor Howl]

Also, people who ask "how are you?"  They don't really want to know, and if you TELL them, they get all uncomfortable or disinterested.  IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW, SAY "HELLO", INSTEAD.

SOMEONE STOLE THE KEYS TO MY BRAND-NEW FILING CABINET.  Now it's just like EVERY OTHER FILING CABINET in history, with a USELESS FUCKING LOCK.  Now where the hell am I gonna put my bug pron at work?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Misquoters can be hilarious as hell though. A friend of mine did such a thing when mocking another friends ex. He decided to quote army of darkness and ended up saying "you aint the queen of but two things. Jack and shit. And jack just went home."

needless to say jack just went home became a long lasting in-joke.

Ill have to work that into convo next time me and pete are hanging out. It hasnt been used in about a year and a half.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Sometimes its fun to use that discomfort and tell them exactly how you are. Note that how you are doesnt necessarily mean mood or whats going on today.

[Phox]

Also, people who ask "how are you?"  They don't really want to know, and if you TELL them, they get all uncomfortable or disinterested.  IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW, SAY "HELLO", INSTEAD.

Or "Hey". :

"Hey."
"Hey what?"
"Oh, nothin', I was just sayin' hey."

THA FUCK DOES THAT MEAN, ASSHOLE??

Alternatively, people who say "Hay is for horses." OH REALLY? YOU THINK THAT THAT'S A CLEVER RESPONSE, DO YOU? WELL, HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU! NOT ONLY WAS IT NOT CLEVER THE FIRST TIME WILLIAM TAFT SAID IT TO TEDDY ROOSEVELT IN 1905, IT'S NOT CLEVER, NOR IS IT IRONIC, TO USE A BANAL, TRITE, DRIED OUT PHRASE OF STUPID, USELESS WORDPLAY WHEN SOMEONE IS GREETING YOU, UNLESS YOU ARE A SOCIALLY INEPT TWIT! GRAHHHH!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I hate the word trending. It follows the 21st century quirk of turning verbs into nouns and nouns into verbs.

There is nothing wrong with the english language. We dont need to overhaul existing words. Hell i almost said repurpose there.

[LMNO]

But how would I incentivize the critical solves impactfully?

[Doktor Howl]

But how would I incentivize the critical solves impactfully?

You amuse me.  Come the revolution, you'll get a sunny spot on the wall.