Lancing the Gland; a far overdue series of rants (with preface)

[Doktor Howl]

I can't stand people, who talk lyk dis, i kno wut i mean do u?? 

Jesus fuck, can't people be bothered to spell right anymore?  It pisses me off SO BADLY.  I love English, the language, so much.  How can people just butcher it like that?  Text shorthand is probably one of the big contributors to illiteracy.  Nobody cares anymore, as long as they can sound it out and it sounds right they don't care.  FUCK.  THAT.  SHIT.  If you can't be bothered to type out the full length of what you are trying to tell me, I can't be bothered trying to decipher it.  Fuck you, fuck your illiteracy, and fuck the horse you and 75% of the country rode in on, too. 

And what is up with that double question mark for casual questions?!  What the FUCK?!?  It's just so puzzling and it makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY.  It's like I drank a gallon of Brawndo and I don't have any ponies to ride.  IT'S AN ACTUAL SPORT IN LATIN AMERICA, SHUT UP.  In fact, all of you illiterate bastards just SHUT UP.  SHUT THE FUCK UP.  RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.  You have NO CLUE how much I hate your ass.  I bet most of you aren't even stupid, you're just LAZY.  You're fucking lazy.  That's what makes me so angry.  How hard is it to learn how to spell?  To know the difference between "you're" and "your?"  To identify the proper usage of "their," "they're," and "there?" Knowing which "to," "too," and "two" you're supposed to use?   HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT, PEOPLE?  IT ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM.

Get the hell off my planet, you lazy, stupid, ignorant motherfuckers.  Just go away.  GO AWAY!

GOD DAMMIT.

This.

Been talking to Bruce again, have you?   

[Freeky]

I can't stand people, who talk lyk dis, i kno wut i mean do u?? 

Jesus fuck, can't people be bothered to spell right anymore?  It pisses me off SO BADLY.  I love English, the language, so much.  How can people just butcher it like that?  Text shorthand is probably one of the big contributors to illiteracy.  Nobody cares anymore, as long as they can sound it out and it sounds right they don't care.  FUCK.  THAT.  SHIT.  If you can't be bothered to type out the full length of what you are trying to tell me, I can't be bothered trying to decipher it.  Fuck you, fuck your illiteracy, and fuck the horse you and 75% of the country rode in on, too. 

And what is up with that double question mark for casual questions?!  What the FUCK?!?  It's just so puzzling and it makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY.  It's like I drank a gallon of Brawndo and I don't have any ponies to ride.  IT'S AN ACTUAL SPORT IN LATIN AMERICA, SHUT UP.  In fact, all of you illiterate bastards just SHUT UP.  SHUT THE FUCK UP.  RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.  You have NO CLUE how much I hate your ass.  I bet most of you aren't even stupid, you're just LAZY.  You're fucking lazy.  That's what makes me so angry.  How hard is it to learn how to spell?  To know the difference between "you're" and "your?"  To identify the proper usage of "their," "they're," and "there?" Knowing which "to," "too," and "two" you're supposed to use?   HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT, PEOPLE?  IT ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM.

Get the hell off my planet, you lazy, stupid, ignorant motherfuckers.  Just go away.  GO AWAY!

GOD DAMMIT.

This.

Been talking to Bruce again, have you?   

No, I've been talking to guys on OKC, also some asshole who had the wrong number and kept texting me.  "Who u" <-- an actual quote.  It isn't even a complete idea, for fuck's sake!

[Don Coyote]

I can't stand people, who talk lyk dis, i kno wut i mean do u?? 

Jesus fuck, can't people be bothered to spell right anymore?  It pisses me off SO BADLY.  I love English, the language, so much.  How can people just butcher it like that?  Text shorthand is probably one of the big contributors to illiteracy.  Nobody cares anymore, as long as they can sound it out and it sounds right they don't care.  FUCK.  THAT.  SHIT.  If you can't be bothered to type out the full length of what you are trying to tell me, I can't be bothered trying to decipher it.  Fuck you, fuck your illiteracy, and fuck the horse you and 75% of the country rode in on, too. 

And what is up with that double question mark for casual questions?!  What the FUCK?!?  It's just so puzzling and it makes me SO FUCKING ANGRY.  It's like I drank a gallon of Brawndo and I don't have any ponies to ride.  IT'S AN ACTUAL SPORT IN LATIN AMERICA, SHUT UP.  In fact, all of you illiterate bastards just SHUT UP.  SHUT THE FUCK UP.  RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.  You have NO CLUE how much I hate your ass.  I bet most of you aren't even stupid, you're just LAZY.  You're fucking lazy.  That's what makes me so angry.  How hard is it to learn how to spell?  To know the difference between "you're" and "your?"  To identify the proper usage of "their," "they're," and "there?" Knowing which "to," "too," and "two" you're supposed to use?   HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT, PEOPLE?  IT ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM.

Get the hell off my planet, you lazy, stupid, ignorant motherfuckers.  Just go away.  GO AWAY!

GOD DAMMIT.

This.

Been talking to Bruce again, have you?   

No, I've been talking to guys on OKC, also some asshole who had the wrong number and kept texting me.  "Who u" <-- an actual quote.  It isn't even a complete idea, for fuck's sake!

I feel your pain. Someone on FB was bitching about parents bitching about the school system while using txt speak in his post.