The Invisible: Two rants about NZ healthcare.

[AnarChloe]

I am fucking sick of the healthcare system in this country.

"Doctor, doctor! I had no male puberty! I just grew taller and some pubes and small boobs instead!!!"

"Oh okay, w/e. Now about the whole transition thing, no you can't have hormones without a psych assessment, even though you obviously need hormones of SOME SORT because you didn't get puberty."

"Doctor doctor! I get terrible pain in my lower abdomen once a month and what with my body being all different I'm worried there might be something going on!"

"NO YOU CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING GOING ON YOU'RE A BIOLOGICAL MALE DESPITE ALL THE EVIDENCE YOU'RE INTERSEXED AND NO WE WON'T DO TESTS."

I mean where the fuck do these bastards get off on denying me healthcare services I need? If I had money I could just pay to have tests and shit done but since I don't have money it's not going to happen!?

What the fuck is this shit? All they want is for me to take my oestrogen and be a "normal" straight chick.

Well fuck that! I'm a queer intersexed person! I have tits and a cock, and I think that's great!

And if you bastards don't like it you can suck my dick.

Or kill me.

----------------------------------

Another thing I'm fucking sick of?

The mental healthcare system here. I've been having rapid cycling moods for two weeks, and before that I generally was depressed for about three weeks at a time, with a week or so of happy in between. This happy week was mostly filled with being far too happy and becoming irritable and angry a lot. There's also the mixed kinda moods I'm getting lately. These leads me to worry that I have bipolar, and the symptoms are becoming more severe. (My sister has bipolar II, and my Mom doesn't exactly have stable moods either.) Generally I've avoided medication, but since I relapsed on self-harm a few weeks ago, I decided to try again.

So I say to the Doc that I want an assessment first to be sure it's something that's safe to combine with SSRIs or Tricyclic anti-depressants.

They resist at every turn just because I can't fucking pay for it.

They want me to shut the fuck up, take what they give me, and be "normal".

Well get this assholes, I don't want to be "normal" I just want my mood to stop CHANGING ALL THE FUCKING TIME so I can get some fucking work done!

And yet you won't help me do this because I'm broke?

How is this healthcare? If you won't help me take care of myself!?

Well fucking done New Zealand. This insistence that if you can't pay you can just suffer is one of many things that make me want to slit my throat. And the main reason I don't is because I'm going to keep fighting this awful fucking system.

I'm not going to sit down. I'm not going to take the pill. I'm not going to shut up.

I won't stop until you start caring for people who need help.

Or kill me.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

So, you follow the American model? 

[AnarChloe]

Except that some things are available publicly still, and NZ likes to pretend that it's magical and progressive and that healthcare is accessible.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That sounds insanely shitty.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually, the pain in your lower abdomen is quite alarming. If you have a uterus and are menstruating internally, it could be life-threatening. Have they at least done an ultrasound?

[AnarChloe]

Actually, the pain in your lower abdomen is quite alarming. If you have a uterus and are menstruating internally, it could be life-threatening. Have they at least done an ultrasound?

Nope. I don't have a uterus so I can't be menstruating. That's more or less what my endocrinologist told my GP.

Ain't it great.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I know a dude who didn't find out about his uterus until he'd fathered two kids.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually, the pain in your lower abdomen is quite alarming. If you have a uterus and are menstruating internally, it could be life-threatening. Have they at least done an ultrasound?

Nope. I don't have a uterus so I can't be menstruating. That's more or less what my endocrinologist told my GP.

Ain't it great.

Uhhhhh

OK, but did your endocrinologist DO ANYTHING, using ACTUAL SCIENCE such as MRI or ultrasound or even MANUAL PALPATION to confirm that? Because an endocrinologist is qualified to determine whether you have some certain things going on, but none of those things is the presence or absence of a uterus.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Actually, never mind manual palpation, because that's only useful with a nulliparous uterus in the presence of a vaginal canal, which obviously you don't have.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Depending on your age, it is also possible that you are simply receiving a normal level of conflicting hormonal messages which will self-resolve by the time you are 18-20.

[AnarChloe]

Depending on your age, it is also possible that you are simply receiving a normal level of conflicting hormonal messages which will self-resolve by the time you are 18-20.

Y'see! I should KNOW THIS because when I asked my endo he should have TOLD me it was a possibility!

But no, he didn't do anything other than say I'm not a girl (XY 46) so no uterus.

I'm not sure how conflicting hormonal messages would work out since I was on anti-androgens (for androgens I don't believe had any effect since I "hit puberty" at 16 or so) for 3 months before I started oestrogen. Also if my body won't absorb or metabolise or whatever the testosterone my body is making I'm not sure if that'd be an issue. But it makes sense in a way.

It just highlights how little information doctors here will give you about anything. Even something as simple as outlining the difference in side-effects for the two blockers I could choose from! GAH FUCK THIS COUNTRY!!!   

[Freeky]

Here in America^TM, we tell our doctors what they should give us.  If we even have doctors.  Which I think the greater majority of us don't.

I got lucky with CODAK, though.  I seem to have gotten a doctor who at least listens when I tell her prescriptions for sleep/mood are or are not working.

[Placid Dingo]

Depending on your age, it is also possible that you are simply receiving a normal level of conflicting hormonal messages which will self-resolve by the time you are 18-20.

Y'see! I should KNOW THIS because when I asked my endo he should have TOLD me it was a possibility!

But no, he didn't do anything other than say I'm not a girl (XY 46) so no uterus.

I'm not sure how conflicting hormonal messages would work out since I was on anti-androgens (for androgens I don't believe had any effect since I "hit puberty" at 16 or so) for 3 months before I started oestrogen. Also if my body won't absorb or metabolise or whatever the testosterone my body is making I'm not sure if that'd be an issue. But it makes sense in a way.

It just highlights how little information doctors here will give you about anything. Even something as simple as outlining the difference in side-effects for the two blockers I could choose from! GAH FUCK THIS COUNTRY!!!   

I remember having an autistic student in another school. I get kids to teach each other things because I'm too lazy to teach them myself it helps them to take on those leadership roles and have opportunities to hone those communication skills.

This kid though... he was teaching origami and had so much trouble teaching because HE understood EXACTLY what was going on. As far as he was concerned he knew how to do it, and him knowing was the important thing, and beyond that it was like there was no conceivable need to communicate the knowledge. He KNEW. He solved the problem.

I keep thinking of that lesson when I'm involved with specialists. I had some wisdom teeth issues, plus an itchy red eye with deteriorating vision that was misdiagnosed three or four times. Both the eye specialist and the dentist were so similar. Like, they SOLVED the problem, which was what they wanted to do, so that was the job done. And then they'd say something that made sense to them and try to kick me out.

I learned pretty quickly that I had to be making mental notes before and during the appointment of what I wanted to find out so I could sit in my chair like a stubborn bastard and throw out questions until I actually understood what the hell was up.

TLDR: Specialists seem to often be pretty poor at communicating what you need to know, so be prepared to ask questions until you get the answers you want.

[AnarChloe]

If by ask questions you mean demand answers and if I don't get them tell the Health and Disability advocate I'm being ill-treated. Then yeah, I agree. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Depending on your age, it is also possible that you are simply receiving a normal level of conflicting hormonal messages which will self-resolve by the time you are 18-20.

Y'see! I should KNOW THIS because when I asked my endo he should have TOLD me it was a possibility!

But no, he didn't do anything other than say I'm not a girl (XY 46) so no uterus.

I'm not sure how conflicting hormonal messages would work out since I was on anti-androgens (for androgens I don't believe had any effect since I "hit puberty" at 16 or so) for 3 months before I started oestrogen. Also if my body won't absorb or metabolise or whatever the testosterone my body is making I'm not sure if that'd be an issue. But it makes sense in a way.

It just highlights how little information doctors here will give you about anything. Even something as simple as outlining the difference in side-effects for the two blockers I could choose from! GAH FUCK THIS COUNTRY!!!   

OK, I am super annoyed with your doctors because XY46 does not rule out intersex characteristics. That is so irritating. It sounds (from what little I can tell from your description) that you have swyer syndrome, which requires at least slightly more delicate handling and communication than "here, take hormones".