Nigel, EOT: Your daily MILWAUKEE

[The Good Reverend Roger]

http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/family-friends-of-shooting-victim-recall-a-loving-teen-ps5kvgi-156849655.html

[E.O.T.]

WELL

          we do have MilwaukIE, here in Oregon, which is essentially the very, very South side of Portland. But since NIGEL never leaves her office, she may be unaware of that.

I, HOWEVER

          left milwaukEE, wisconsin in 1996, to be here in portland.

MILWAUKEE

          is a rough n tumble joint. it is very, very segregated and racial tension there is epic. somehow, street violence has only grown over the last ten years. friends back home talk about muggings and random shootings in a manner which is obviously growing and equally difficult to wrap yer head around. violence is simply escalating daily. that's a horrible situation. that old guy is obviously cracked and that kids family is undoubtably destroyed right now. i hate stories like that.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

WELL

          we do have MilwaukIE, here in Oregon, which is essentially the very, very South side of Portland. But since NIGEL never leaves her office, she may be unaware of that.

I, HOWEVER

          left milwaukEE, wisconsin in 1996, to be here in portland.

MILWAUKEE

          is a rough n tumble joint. it is very, very segregated and racial tension there is epic. somehow, street violence has only grown over the last ten years. friends back home talk about muggings and random shootings in a manner which is obviously growing and equally difficult to wrap yer head around. violence is simply escalating daily. that's a horrible situation. that old guy is obviously cracked and that kids family is undoubtably destroyed right now. i hate stories like that.

Oh, I know.  I regularly did business in Milwaukee, Grafton, Green Bay, and Steven's Point.

I know Milwaukee well.

And it's not the old guy that's cracked, it's the whole fucking city.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

When I looked up Milwaukee, the crime rate was something like 600 times the national average.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

When I looked up Milwaukee, the crime rate was something like 600 times the national average.

WELL

      My theory is that the problem is caused by either the water

OR

      The Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha.  It's the worst place on Earth, ever.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

[E.O.T.]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I would like to go to that.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

I drove past it for years.  Then one day, I made myself stop there.

It's fucking awful.  It's this horrible gift shop thing.  In the back, there's this depressing bar & grill that was once just tacky, but is now worn out and tacky.  It's like someone dropped Coney Island on Kenosha.  They make the worst bratwurst in America.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

I drove past it for years.  Then one day, I made myself stop there.

It's fucking awful.  It's this horrible gift shop thing.  In the back, there's this depressing bar & grill that was once just tacky, but is now worn out and tacky.  It's like someone dropped Coney Island on Kenosha.  They make the worst bratwurst in America.

DUUUUUUDE

Now I HAVE to go there.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

I drove past it for years.  Then one day, I made myself stop there.

It's fucking awful.  It's this horrible gift shop thing.  In the back, there's this depressing bar & grill that was once just tacky, but is now worn out and tacky.  It's like someone dropped Coney Island on Kenosha.  They make the worst bratwurst in America.

DUUUUUUDE

Now I HAVE to go there.

Pics and a full report, I hope. 

It looks like a Buccee's and Stuckey's mashup. With CHEESE.
I hope it has the Stuckey's souvenier toilet humor items interspersed with pictures of Jesus.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

I drove past it for years.  Then one day, I made myself stop there.

It's fucking awful.  It's this horrible gift shop thing.  In the back, there's this depressing bar & grill that was once just tacky, but is now worn out and tacky.  It's like someone dropped Coney Island on Kenosha.  They make the worst bratwurst in America.

DUUUUUUDE

Now I HAVE to go there.

Pics and a full report, I hope. 

It looks like a Buccee's and Stuckey's mashup. With CHEESE.
I hope it has the Stuckey's souvenier toilet humor items interspersed with pictures of Jesus.

Stuckeys was an American institution.  They somehow exceeded 1970s airline food in sheer horror.

But the gift shop at Mars is one of THOSE places.  You can buy anything you'd ever want to give to someone that you had absolutely no attachment to or feelings for, whether it be love, hate, or whatever.  It is clean and well lit, and the products are displayed properly...And it's DISMAL ANYWAY.  It's like going to a Cracker Barrel restaurant/kitsch shop FOREVER, and that's just in the first 5 minutes.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

I drove past it for years.  Then one day, I made myself stop there.

It's fucking awful.  It's this horrible gift shop thing.  In the back, there's this depressing bar & grill that was once just tacky, but is now worn out and tacky.  It's like someone dropped Coney Island on Kenosha.  They make the worst bratwurst in America.

DUUUUUUDE

Now I HAVE to go there.

Pics and a full report, I hope. 

It looks like a Buccee's and Stuckey's mashup. With CHEESE.
I hope it has the Stuckey's souvenier toilet humor items interspersed with pictures of Jesus.

Stuckeys was an American institution.  They somehow exceeded 1970s airline food in sheer horror.

But the gift shop at Mars is one of THOSE places.  You can buy anything you'd ever want to give to someone that you had absolutely no attachment to or feelings for, whether it be love, hate, or whatever.  It is clean and well lit, and the products are displayed properly...And it's DISMAL ANYWAY.  It's like going to a Cracker Barrel restaurant/kitsch shop FOREVER, and that's just in the first 5 minutes.

I've been fortunate enough to completely avoid Cracker Barrel. Is it worse than those places that cater to truckers?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

I drove past it for years.  Then one day, I made myself stop there.

It's fucking awful.  It's this horrible gift shop thing.  In the back, there's this depressing bar & grill that was once just tacky, but is now worn out and tacky.  It's like someone dropped Coney Island on Kenosha.  They make the worst bratwurst in America.

DUUUUUUDE

Now I HAVE to go there.

Pics and a full report, I hope. 

It looks like a Buccee's and Stuckey's mashup. With CHEESE.
I hope it has the Stuckey's souvenier toilet humor items interspersed with pictures of Jesus.

Stuckeys was an American institution.  They somehow exceeded 1970s airline food in sheer horror.

But the gift shop at Mars is one of THOSE places.  You can buy anything you'd ever want to give to someone that you had absolutely no attachment to or feelings for, whether it be love, hate, or whatever.  It is clean and well lit, and the products are displayed properly...And it's DISMAL ANYWAY.  It's like going to a Cracker Barrel restaurant/kitsch shop FOREVER, and that's just in the first 5 minutes.

I've been fortunate enough to completely avoid Cracker Barrel. Is it worse than those places that cater to truckers?

GO NOW.  You can't REALLY understand America without going to a Cracker Barrel.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Causes 300 cases of death by kitsch per month.

HA HA!!

          somehow i've never actually gone there, but i love seeing it from the freeway. i guess it was my "flight" instinct. it's probably meant to thin the flood of visitors from illinois.

I drove past it for years.  Then one day, I made myself stop there.

It's fucking awful.  It's this horrible gift shop thing.  In the back, there's this depressing bar & grill that was once just tacky, but is now worn out and tacky.  It's like someone dropped Coney Island on Kenosha.  They make the worst bratwurst in America.

DUUUUUUDE

Now I HAVE to go there.

Pics and a full report, I hope. 

It looks like a Buccee's and Stuckey's mashup. With CHEESE.
I hope it has the Stuckey's souvenier toilet humor items interspersed with pictures of Jesus.

Stuckeys was an American institution.  They somehow exceeded 1970s airline food in sheer horror.

But the gift shop at Mars is one of THOSE places.  You can buy anything you'd ever want to give to someone that you had absolutely no attachment to or feelings for, whether it be love, hate, or whatever.  It is clean and well lit, and the products are displayed properly...And it's DISMAL ANYWAY.  It's like going to a Cracker Barrel restaurant/kitsch shop FOREVER, and that's just in the first 5 minutes.

I've been fortunate enough to completely avoid Cracker Barrel. Is it worse than those places that cater to truckers?

GO NOW.  You can't REALLY understand America without going to a Cracker Barrel.

Oh Jesus FUCK.

We used to have a restaurant chain here called Oak Ridge. They all had faux-sagging roofs and a hillbilly theme.

This is like the assbaby of Oak Ridge, the Precious Moments Chapel and Little House On The Prairie.