Why DID the chicken cross the road?

[AFK]

I was before the chicken crossing the road before I was behind it.
-John Kerry

[AFK]

The chicken was crossing the road to step into a brighter future light where all freedom chickens loving American freedoms live free in good ole freedom gosh willickers!
-Sarah Palin

[The Johnny]

Starting in 1984, I tried to convince the great rooster to pay for supplies and a crew to make the voyage to the other side of the road. He refused to pay for my voyage saying that I would fail. At least he knew the world isn't flat like so many others. He just thought the road is much larger than I do. I decided to ask another great rooster and a goose to pay for my voyage instead. It took me a couple of tries, but they agreed to supply me with the things I needed. Let the chickens walk all the way around the farmhouse and across the road. That is the long way to go! The first great rooster will regret not paying for my voyage!

-Christopher Columbus

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

The bird, chicken as a chicken, chicken as a brain, if you like, interests me more than what road it crosses, because I've noticed that most fowl only repeat themselves. - Marcel Duchamp

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

The chicken didn't want to dance so it was ejected from the revolution. - Emma Goldman

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

All thought must, directly or indirectly, by way of certain characters, relate ultimately to intuitions, and therefore, with us, to sensibility, because in no other way can an object, whereupon inferred as a "chicken," be a priori considered to deduce the extrinsic purposes for which it is contextualized, inherently, outside of cogitation, the logic processes of highway engineers, or asphalt as a structural paradigm that resists the talons of feathered pedagogy. - Immanuel Kant

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

05:23:00 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 5 "buk-buks", moves 8 paces S/SE at 2.8mph.
05:23:05 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 2 "buks" 1 "buk-buk" 4 "buks", moves 3 paces S at 1.3mph.
05:23:10 - Orpington#083-74-0227 no audio, stationary.
05:23:15 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 5 "buk-buks" 2 "buks" 1 "bukawk", stationary.
05:23:20 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 1 "buk-buk", 25 paces S/SW at 8.9mph.
05:23:25 - Drone Freedom Chili fires 1 Hellfire missile. Orpington#083-74-0227 terminated at coordinates 45.522804, -122.648159.
                       - National Security Agency

[Lenin McCarthy]

"The chicken crossed the road because it had been indoctrinated by the totalitarian communists to believe that the road was so-called 'public property', but in reality it was infringing upon the individual rights of the owner of the road by crossing it. This is another example of how socialism creates lazy, dependent and altruistic individuals who rely on leeching on others rather than producing wealth for themselves." - Ayn Rand

[The Johnny]

The last two ones 

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

The chicken crossed the road, finding a beautiful black hen on the other side. This resulted in an amazing moment of passion and forbidden love. The black hen then took the chicken aboard a beautiful golden submarine run by Capt. Cluckbard Celine. In later discussions, Cluckbard expanded the chicken's mind with some lovely black hash and LSD. Then the world began to shudder violently as Eris, the Goddess of Chaos rose out of the sea performing all the positions of the Kama Sutra with Cthulhu, while zombie Nazi soldiers on a nearby island engaged in homoerotic self-genocide.

- Robert Anton Wilson

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Still, "chicken" ... you've managed to cross just about... every other road, but... like a poor marksman you... keep.. missing the target!
--James T Kirk

[P3nT4gR4m]

The chicken crossed the road and, at the same time and with equal probability, the chicken did not cross the road. Until the observer hit the chicken with his moped the chicken was in something we refer to as an "eggenstate".

--Schroedinger

[navkat]

There are only two types of chickens in this world: those who have the huevos to lead from the front and get their feathered, happy fucking asses (and those of their unit) across the goddamned road, get shit done and arrive home victorious and full of their own piss and vomit, and those who stand around, blowing smoke up one-another's egg-holes, making goatfuck decisions that get the road-crossers killed.
                                                              --Richard "Demo Dick" Marcinko

[The Johnny]

[BabylonHoruv]

Ask not who the chicken crossed the road for, he crossed for thee.

-Ernest Hemmingway