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For my part, I've replaced optimism and believing the best of people by default with a grin and the absolute 100% certainty that if they cannot find a pig to fuck, they will buy some bacon and play oinking noises on YouTube.

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Give Me Your Stem Cells

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, June 20, 2012, 04:46:24 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

June 20, 2012, 04:46:24 PM
Well, I've tried everything but friggin' Scientology and Eris is busy "masturbating" with her own, so maybe if I inject a couple of liters of stem cells, they'll swim to the Bad Places, fix the distorted parts and help me to become the very best Roger I can be.  I can't draw the cells from the Arizona pool because they're all sun-damaged inbreds around here, so I need your help.  I mean, I'm so wonderful as I AM, just THINK of how HOLY™ I'd become if I functioned at my peak!

So here's the deal: everyone who sends me at least 2 tablespoons of viable stem cells will be put on my Master List and as soon as I am "taken up", I will send you a Get Out of Normal Hell Free Card, plus a lovely teakwood plaque that says "I helped TGRR when I jacked off into a ziplock bag."

I know most of you are vile and pernicious, but its a worthy cause and I think there are JUST ENOUGH of you left who are only 87% corrupted that I have a good shot at it while I am still corporeal (again).  So assist me in this great crusade and together, we can cornhole the po'buckers in Our Lifetime.

This offer not open to Babylon Horuv.  I don't need any fucked up DNA; I already have plenty, just being in Arizona.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#1
June 20, 2012, 04:54:55 PM
:spittake:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
June 20, 2012, 04:56:58 PM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on June 20, 2012, 04:54:55 PM
:spittake:

Um, no used cells, please.

Also, freeze them.  I don't want a bag of rancid mush.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#3
June 20, 2012, 05:42:55 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 20, 2012, 04:56:58 PM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on June 20, 2012, 04:54:55 PM
:spittake:

Um, no used cells, please.

Also, freeze them.  I don't want a bag of rancid mush.

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Does Fedex have reef- refrigerated trucks?
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

East Coast Hustle

#4
June 20, 2012, 06:13:13 PM
Not until you buy me dinner.

Or at least a few shots of tequila.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Salty

#5
June 20, 2012, 06:23:41 PM
2 tablespoons? Jesus...I'll have to save 'em up over a few months. I'm a small man, if you haven't noticed. My stem cells are a lot like baby corn. Actually, they're a lot more like baby corn than I am comfortable with.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

#6
June 20, 2012, 06:33:19 PM
I'll totally send you some stem cells... now I just need to figure out how to jack this syringe into my spine.


OUCH FUCK DAMN.... yeah well that's how much I love your Roger.

Hrmmm, are my toes supposed to tingle like that?
- I don't see race. I just see cars going around in a circle.

"Back in my day, crazy meant something. Now everyone is crazy" - Charlie Manson

Salty

#7
June 20, 2012, 06:50:51 PM
Yes. Just wiggle it around so your nerves have some breathing room.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
June 20, 2012, 06:54:00 PM
Wait.

THAT'S how you get stem cells?

ALL MY RESEARCH!  WASTED!

MY COLLECTION OF EEL PORN!  VIOLATED!  FOR NOTHING!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

P3nT4gR4m

#9
June 20, 2012, 07:01:00 PM
:spittake:

gotta admit I thought it was something about spinal fluid, too but, when everyone started talking about jizz, I just figured I was mistaken  :lulz:

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Kai

#10
June 20, 2012, 08:21:08 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 20, 2012, 04:46:24 PM
Well, I've tried everything but friggin' Scientology and Eris is busy "masturbating" with her own, so maybe if I inject a couple of liters of stem cells, they'll swim to the Bad Places, fix the distorted parts and help me to become the very best Roger I can be.  I can't draw the cells from the Arizona pool because they're all sun-damaged inbreds around here, so I need your help.  I mean, I'm so wonderful as I AM, just THINK of how HOLY™ I'd become if I functioned at my peak!

So here's the deal: everyone who sends me at least 2 tablespoons of viable stem cells will be put on my Master List and as soon as I am "taken up", I will send you a Get Out of Normal Hell Free Card, plus a lovely teakwood plaque that says "I helped TGRR when I jacked off into a ziplock bag."

I know most of you are vile and pernicious, but its a worthy cause and I think there are JUST ENOUGH of you left who are only 87% corrupted that I have a good shot at it while I am still corporeal (again).  So assist me in this great crusade and together, we can cornhole the po'buckers in Our Lifetime.

This offer not open to Babylon Horuv.  I don't need any fucked up DNA; I already have plenty, just being in Arizona.

I don't have any cells of my own to spare, but I might be able to help you with the "harvesting" part. Oh wait, do you mean sperm cells?
If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
Chanticleer of the Holometabola Clade Church, Diptera Parish

Richter

#11
June 21, 2012, 01:15:41 AM
1. I cannot in good faith comply
2. The USPS will no longer ship my "fluid", even "priority" after the last incident.  I put a fake curl down from my widows peak, and popped on some red underwear.  Lois Lane is STILL salvaging her ovaries from the far wall with a spatula.  My picture is up in every office, and they have the Nat. Guard on speed dial.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Luna

#12
June 21, 2012, 03:19:06 AM
You can have my NYEX's.  All of 'em.  Well, my half, anyway.  (Half of 'em are mine until he gets off his ass and files the paperwork, right?)

ETA:  Disclaimer, these cells may be damaged with a SEVERE case of TEH STOOPID.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Deepthroat Chopra

#13
June 21, 2012, 04:03:40 AM
My stem cells are still sobering up from that New Year's Eve in Cuzco in 2004. My consultant thinks they'll be ready next year.
Chainsaw-Wielding Fistula Detector

00.dusk

#14
June 21, 2012, 04:09:21 AM
I don't have stem cells anymore, Roger, I used them all when I had to repair my organs on a daily basis in order to combat the ravages of sheer eyeball-swelling horror in the underground of the Last Bastion of the Free World.





I can, however, send you Enrico Salazar.







All 32 of him.
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