On Negativity

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I get PMs once or twice a day, asking me why I'm so "negative" about things.  Well, there's three things to consider, here:

1.  Momma said, "When the rock hits you, holler!"  Most of what goes on in my life is not really in that catagory.  Falling in love, watching your children grow up, Saturday Night™...All of these things are great, but don't cause the same kind of hollering.  Why would I bitch about such things?  Why would I even write about such things?  It would be like bragging about my good fortune, which as anyone in ANY religion based on Greek goddesses will tell you leads to No Good.

That's for facebook. "LOOK AT MY AWESOME LIFE I HAD AN AWESOME LUNCH HERE'S PICS AFTER THAT I WENT TO AN AWESOME STORE AND BOUGHT AWESOME STUFF HERE'S PICS THEN WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS OH AND LOOK AT MY KIDS AND ANIMALS HERE'S PICS AREN'T THEY CUTE ANYWAY LATER I WENT TO AN AWESOME CLUB HERE'S PICS AND HAD AWESOME DRINKS HERE'S PICS AND THERE WAS AN AWESOME BAND HERE'S PICS THEN I WENT HOME IN MY AWESOME CAR HERE'S PICS TO MY AWESOME HOUSE THAT I JUST REDID HERE'S PICS AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT HERE'S PICS"

99% of Facebook is attention-whoring a made-up perfect life for the purposes of garnering approval from an extended circle of co-workers and acquaintances you don't really know.

The other 1% is trolling.

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

That's probably the intended result. 

I work off of that assumption

The alternative is too Horrible^(TM) to contemplate. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I get PMs once or twice a day, asking me why I'm so "negative" about things.  Well, there's three things to consider, here:

1.  Momma said, "When the rock hits you, holler!"  Most of what goes on in my life is not really in that catagory.  Falling in love, watching your children grow up, Saturday Night™...All of these things are great, but don't cause the same kind of hollering.  Why would I bitch about such things?  Why would I even write about such things?  It would be like bragging about my good fortune, which as anyone in ANY religion based on Greek goddesses will tell you leads to No Good.

That's for facebook. "LOOK AT MY AWESOME LIFE I HAD AN AWESOME LUNCH HERE'S PICS AFTER THAT I WENT TO AN AWESOME STORE AND BOUGHT AWESOME STUFF HERE'S PICS THEN WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS OH AND LOOK AT MY KIDS AND ANIMALS HERE'S PICS AREN'T THEY CUTE ANYWAY LATER I WENT TO AN AWESOME CLUB HERE'S PICS AND HAD AWESOME DRINKS HERE'S PICS AND THERE WAS AN AWESOME BAND HERE'S PICS THEN I WENT HOME IN MY AWESOME CAR HERE'S PICS TO MY AWESOME HOUSE THAT I JUST REDID HERE'S PICS AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT HERE'S PICS"

99% of Facebook is attention-whoring a made-up perfect life for the purposes of garnering approval from an extended circle of co-workers and acquaintances you don't really know.

The other 1% is trolling.

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

Filing that under "trolling". 

[Juana]

I feel like it ought to be hard to be Panglossy. Except I know its not, not really. People are pretty good at ignoring and glossing over the ugly when the worst of it isn't up in their face.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I get PMs once or twice a day, asking me why I'm so "negative" about things.  Well, there's three things to consider, here:

1.  Momma said, "When the rock hits you, holler!"  Most of what goes on in my life is not really in that catagory.  Falling in love, watching your children grow up, Saturday Night™...All of these things are great, but don't cause the same kind of hollering.  Why would I bitch about such things?  Why would I even write about such things?  It would be like bragging about my good fortune, which as anyone in ANY religion based on Greek goddesses will tell you leads to No Good.

That's for facebook. "LOOK AT MY AWESOME LIFE I HAD AN AWESOME LUNCH HERE'S PICS AFTER THAT I WENT TO AN AWESOME STORE AND BOUGHT AWESOME STUFF HERE'S PICS THEN WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS OH AND LOOK AT MY KIDS AND ANIMALS HERE'S PICS AREN'T THEY CUTE ANYWAY LATER I WENT TO AN AWESOME CLUB HERE'S PICS AND HAD AWESOME DRINKS HERE'S PICS AND THERE WAS AN AWESOME BAND HERE'S PICS THEN I WENT HOME IN MY AWESOME CAR HERE'S PICS TO MY AWESOME HOUSE THAT I JUST REDID HERE'S PICS AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT HERE'S PICS"

99% of Facebook is attention-whoring a made-up perfect life for the purposes of garnering approval from an extended circle of co-workers and acquaintances you don't really know.

The other 1% is trolling.

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

Filing that under "trolling". 

BUT WHAT IF ITS NOT?!?!?!?!?! 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I get PMs once or twice a day, asking me why I'm so "negative" about things.  Well, there's three things to consider, here:

1.  Momma said, "When the rock hits you, holler!"  Most of what goes on in my life is not really in that catagory.  Falling in love, watching your children grow up, Saturday Night™...All of these things are great, but don't cause the same kind of hollering.  Why would I bitch about such things?  Why would I even write about such things?  It would be like bragging about my good fortune, which as anyone in ANY religion based on Greek goddesses will tell you leads to No Good.

That's for facebook. "LOOK AT MY AWESOME LIFE I HAD AN AWESOME LUNCH HERE'S PICS AFTER THAT I WENT TO AN AWESOME STORE AND BOUGHT AWESOME STUFF HERE'S PICS THEN WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS OH AND LOOK AT MY KIDS AND ANIMALS HERE'S PICS AREN'T THEY CUTE ANYWAY LATER I WENT TO AN AWESOME CLUB HERE'S PICS AND HAD AWESOME DRINKS HERE'S PICS AND THERE WAS AN AWESOME BAND HERE'S PICS THEN I WENT HOME IN MY AWESOME CAR HERE'S PICS TO MY AWESOME HOUSE THAT I JUST REDID HERE'S PICS AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT HERE'S PICS"

99% of Facebook is attention-whoring a made-up perfect life for the purposes of garnering approval from an extended circle of co-workers and acquaintances you don't really know.

The other 1% is trolling.

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

Filing that under "trolling". 

BUT WHAT IF ITS NOT?!?!?!?!?! 

Then it's time to re-evaluate everything that you've come to think you understand about the world.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I get PMs once or twice a day, asking me why I'm so "negative" about things.  Well, there's three things to consider, here:

1.  Momma said, "When the rock hits you, holler!"  Most of what goes on in my life is not really in that catagory.  Falling in love, watching your children grow up, Saturday Night™...All of these things are great, but don't cause the same kind of hollering.  Why would I bitch about such things?  Why would I even write about such things?  It would be like bragging about my good fortune, which as anyone in ANY religion based on Greek goddesses will tell you leads to No Good.

That's for facebook. "LOOK AT MY AWESOME LIFE I HAD AN AWESOME LUNCH HERE'S PICS AFTER THAT I WENT TO AN AWESOME STORE AND BOUGHT AWESOME STUFF HERE'S PICS THEN WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS OH AND LOOK AT MY KIDS AND ANIMALS HERE'S PICS AREN'T THEY CUTE ANYWAY LATER I WENT TO AN AWESOME CLUB HERE'S PICS AND HAD AWESOME DRINKS HERE'S PICS AND THERE WAS AN AWESOME BAND HERE'S PICS THEN I WENT HOME IN MY AWESOME CAR HERE'S PICS TO MY AWESOME HOUSE THAT I JUST REDID HERE'S PICS AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT HERE'S PICS"

99% of Facebook is attention-whoring a made-up perfect life for the purposes of garnering approval from an extended circle of co-workers and acquaintances you don't really know.

The other 1% is trolling.

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

That's not me.  That's my wife, using my account to cheat.  On Farmville.

YOU PEOPLE MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I get PMs once or twice a day, asking me why I'm so "negative" about things.  Well, there's three things to consider, here:

1.  Momma said, "When the rock hits you, holler!"  Most of what goes on in my life is not really in that catagory.  Falling in love, watching your children grow up, Saturday Night™...All of these things are great, but don't cause the same kind of hollering.  Why would I bitch about such things?  Why would I even write about such things?  It would be like bragging about my good fortune, which as anyone in ANY religion based on Greek goddesses will tell you leads to No Good.

That's for facebook. "LOOK AT MY AWESOME LIFE I HAD AN AWESOME LUNCH HERE'S PICS AFTER THAT I WENT TO AN AWESOME STORE AND BOUGHT AWESOME STUFF HERE'S PICS THEN WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS OH AND LOOK AT MY KIDS AND ANIMALS HERE'S PICS AREN'T THEY CUTE ANYWAY LATER I WENT TO AN AWESOME CLUB HERE'S PICS AND HAD AWESOME DRINKS HERE'S PICS AND THERE WAS AN AWESOME BAND HERE'S PICS THEN I WENT HOME IN MY AWESOME CAR HERE'S PICS TO MY AWESOME HOUSE THAT I JUST REDID HERE'S PICS AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT HERE'S PICS"

99% of Facebook is attention-whoring a made-up perfect life for the purposes of garnering approval from an extended circle of co-workers and acquaintances you don't really know.

The other 1% is trolling.

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

That's not me.  That's my wife, using my account to cheat.  On Farmville.

YOU PEOPLE MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE!

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I get PMs once or twice a day, asking me why I'm so "negative" about things.  Well, there's three things to consider, here:

1.  Momma said, "When the rock hits you, holler!"  Most of what goes on in my life is not really in that catagory.  Falling in love, watching your children grow up, Saturday Night™...All of these things are great, but don't cause the same kind of hollering.  Why would I bitch about such things?  Why would I even write about such things?  It would be like bragging about my good fortune, which as anyone in ANY religion based on Greek goddesses will tell you leads to No Good.

That's for facebook. "LOOK AT MY AWESOME LIFE I HAD AN AWESOME LUNCH HERE'S PICS AFTER THAT I WENT TO AN AWESOME STORE AND BOUGHT AWESOME STUFF HERE'S PICS THEN WE TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS OH AND LOOK AT MY KIDS AND ANIMALS HERE'S PICS AREN'T THEY CUTE ANYWAY LATER I WENT TO AN AWESOME CLUB HERE'S PICS AND HAD AWESOME DRINKS HERE'S PICS AND THERE WAS AN AWESOME BAND HERE'S PICS THEN I WENT HOME IN MY AWESOME CAR HERE'S PICS TO MY AWESOME HOUSE THAT I JUST REDID HERE'S PICS AND TOOK A MASSIVE SHIT HERE'S PICS"

99% of Facebook is attention-whoring a made-up perfect life for the purposes of garnering approval from an extended circle of co-workers and acquaintances you don't really know.

The other 1% is trolling.

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

That's not me.  That's my wife, using my account to cheat.  On Farmville.

YOU PEOPLE MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE!

Likely excuse!

[LMNO]

This is my messianic trufact for the day:

The reason why Roger is so negative is because, even after years of demanding we do so, no one has yet killed him.

Of course, the reason why we haven't killed him is because the world is obviously unutterably perfect, and to kill him would therefore make it less perfect. No, complaining about his persistent pessimism has nothing to do with your discomfort with him exposing how you really feel deep down to the wider world and making you feel, for some reason, vulnerable.

Let's all go back to watching American Idol, he'll stop shouting at us in a little while. Honest.

Just imagine me on the other side of your living room window, screaming at you from the darkness while you watch that shit.

Then imagine just exactly how thin a window really is.

What immediately crosses my mind is, "how the hell is he outside a third story window?"

[The Good Reverend Roger]

This is my messianic trufact for the day:

The reason why Roger is so negative is because, even after years of demanding we do so, no one has yet killed him.

Of course, the reason why we haven't killed him is because the world is obviously unutterably perfect, and to kill him would therefore make it less perfect. No, complaining about his persistent pessimism has nothing to do with your discomfort with him exposing how you really feel deep down to the wider world and making you feel, for some reason, vulnerable.

Let's all go back to watching American Idol, he'll stop shouting at us in a little while. Honest.

Just imagine me on the other side of your living room window, screaming at you from the darkness while you watch that shit.

Then imagine just exactly how thin a window really is.

What immediately crosses my mind is, "how the hell is he outside a third story window?"

Never you mind.

And in exchange, I won't ask questions about why my Wind-Up LMNO™ doesn't save Ms Ellie's ranch from the bad guys when you wind him up - like it says on the box - but instead fucks my toaster.

I can deal with the idea of a new toaster, see?  It's just hearing, in the middle of the night, weird grunts (not of my own making), and the occasionally howled "YOU GOT A SEXY HEATING ELEMENT, YOU DIRTY, DIRTY SLAG!"

I don't feel that, as a member of the consumer base, I should have to put up with that shit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nevermind.  I found the disclaimer on the back of the package.

"LMNOperations, Inc, cannot be held responsible for your LMNO™ making sexy time with appliances.  Do not use as a sex toy, as this may cause irreparable psychological harm."

[LMNO]

x ∞

[Luna]

This is my messianic trufact for the day:

The reason why Roger is so negative is because, even after years of demanding we do so, no one has yet killed him.

Of course, the reason why we haven't killed him is because the world is obviously unutterably perfect, and to kill him would therefore make it less perfect. No, complaining about his persistent pessimism has nothing to do with your discomfort with him exposing how you really feel deep down to the wider world and making you feel, for some reason, vulnerable.

Let's all go back to watching American Idol, he'll stop shouting at us in a little while. Honest.

Just imagine me on the other side of your living room window, screaming at you from the darkness while you watch that shit.

Then imagine just exactly how thin a window really is.

What immediately crosses my mind is, "how the hell is he outside a third story window?"

Vindaloo.

[Eater of Clowns]

This is my messianic trufact for the day:

The reason why Roger is so negative is because, even after years of demanding we do so, no one has yet killed him.

Of course, the reason why we haven't killed him is because the world is obviously unutterably perfect, and to kill him would therefore make it less perfect. No, complaining about his persistent pessimism has nothing to do with your discomfort with him exposing how you really feel deep down to the wider world and making you feel, for some reason, vulnerable.

Let's all go back to watching American Idol, he'll stop shouting at us in a little while. Honest.

Just imagine me on the other side of your living room window, screaming at you from the darkness while you watch that shit.

Then imagine just exactly how thin a window really is.

What immediately crosses my mind is, "how the hell is he outside a third story window?"

Vindaloo.

Not enough screaming.  My guess would be hair tendrils from his back holding him up like Doctor Octopus.

[Xooxe]

... and FarmVille. My brain still goes into shock when I get a Farmville invite from Hamish Howl.

The first rule of Farmville is, you must talk about Farmville.