Discordia EXPOSED (No, not me. My shirt is safely ON.)

[LMNO]

 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

OH LORDY

ROGER HAS THE HOLIES AGAIN!

I was just trying to EXPLAIN.  To offer my EXCUSE.  They bought us and sold us and lied to us and stuffed us full of filters and slammed us into these...these uniforms.  I don't WANT a uniform, I want to be ROGER and I don't really want everyone ELSE to feel like THEY have to be Roger.  I just want more froppin' and less PUNISHMENT.

Life was supposed to be FUN.  It's about 80 years of screeching hysterical laughter and getting your monkey on in ways that CONCERN NOBODY ELSE.  But They made it about TERRORISM and PRISON and NOT GETTING CAUGHT, YOU CRIMINAL BASTARD.  They killed Johnny Cash and They killed Elvis and They shut down Motown and gave us GUNS and WAR instead.  And LIFE IN PRISON if you say SHIT about it.

But that's not for you and I.  We KNOW.  We UNDERSTAND.  There is no "They", there is only "Us", 312 million profoundly retarded primates in this nation ALONE, all terrified of SHIT THAT DOESN'T EXIST.  Yeah, you heard me.  None of the things you've been trained to be afraid of are REAL.  They are social fictions generated to PUNISH people, because that is the easiest mindset for homicidal apes to adopt.

But we are not apes.  We are Yeti, and we scoff at their "speed limits" and their "moral rectitude" and their "APPROVED SOCIAL ACTIVITIES"!  That's why we have shit like TUCSON and PORTLAND and PROVIDENCE, AND THAT'S WHY WE WILL ALWAYS ESCAPE, until such time as THEY KILL US.

AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

The Good Reverend Dillinger,
Ain't saying nothing til my mouthpiece gets here, see?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I am here at no risk to myself or others to tell you the TRUTH about the Discordian menace.

1.  Discordians always tell you all about their evil plans.  Then they rarely actually DO anything.  What this means is that we've cried "wolf!" so many times that we can say and do as we please without any possibility of anyone believing us.

Another way to say this is that there are no secrets in the Church of Discordia, and I will not be endangering myself or my family in any way, despite rumors to the contrary...Because you, dear reader, will probably not believe a word of it.  This is all just more quaint fiction.

2.  Discordians pretend that they disagree on everything, even what "Discordianism" MEANS.  This is to convince you that they have nothing nefarious in the works, because they can't stop bickering.  It worked on YOU, so it will probably work on the FBI.

3.  Discordians hate the American way of life...And so should YOU.

4.  Discordians don't stand out in a crowd.  That's what anarchists are for.  While the dumbfuck with the day-glo hairdo and the Anarchy Now™ shirt is being watched by the security guards, the Discordian is fucking up all the toilets.

5.  Discordians aren't trying to change the world.  They're trying to keep it just as weird as it already is.

6.  Discordians aren't here to help you become enlightened.  Enlightenment is for Buddhists, which is a totally different religion entirely, no matter what the Facebook tards tell you.  Any Discordian parable that involves Buddhists or monks is a put on, designed deliberately to WASTE YOUR TIME while the Discordians sneak into the bathrooms again.  Sucker.

7.  Discordians know all about Tucson and Providence and Portland, and you don't.  That's why Discordians laugh so much while everyone else is staring at the news broadcasts in shock.

8.  Discordians know who was REALLY behind 9/11, but we aren't telling, because the RIDICULOUS conspiracy theories out there are endlessly amusing.  Likewise, we aren't saying SHIT about the Kennedy assassination, so shut up.

9.  A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest.

10.  Discordians can't be bothered with your political or religious views.  Because they're BORING and you're BORING when you try to explain them. 

Noobs, here's why you get shit on:  You are here to tell us all about YOU and YOUR zaniness.  But it's been DONE, and it's NOT FUNNY and what's more, it's NO FUN.  If you're FUN, then we'll get along fine (as opposed to funny, which you probably aren't).  The whole POINT of the exercise is FUN, and if you're here to show us WHAT'S WHAT or what a REALLY REAL DISCORDIAN you are, then you aren't FUN.

Also, walking into a group and acting like a DUMBSHIT will provoke that group to TREAT you like a dumbshit, and it makes no difference WHAT group we're talking about.  So take your butthurt and shove it up your ass, because that's where it's going ANYWAY, and we can all save a little time if you just go ahead and do it yourself.  Also, rejection by a group does NOT mean that one person controls that group, it just means YOU PISSED EVERYONE OFF.

So shut up.

Bumped for good cause.

[The Wizard Joseph]

9.  A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest   

This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

9.  A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest   

This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!

Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.

[The Wizard Joseph]

9.  A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest   

This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!

Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.

Your anecdotal moments of enlightenment should be compiled. "The acts of The Good Reverend Roger" or perhaps "Confessions of The Holy Man^tm From Tucson"

[The Good Reverend Roger]

9.  A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest   

This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!

Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.

Your anecdotal moments of enlightenment should be compiled. "The acts of The Good Reverend Roger" or perhaps "Confessions of The Holy Man^tm From Tucson"

No, I'd kind of like everyone to forget this kinda shit when I die.

I bet Jesus never punched himself repeatedly in the balls.  And the kid that lived next door to him didn't look over the wall just in time to see THAT, but not WHY he was doing it.

[The Wizard Joseph]

9.  A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest   

This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!

Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.

Your anecdotal moments of enlightenment should be compiled. "The acts of The Good Reverend Roger" or perhaps "Confessions of The Holy Man^tm From Tucson"

No, I'd kind of like everyone to forget this kinda shit when I die.

I bet Jesus never punched himself repeatedly in the balls.  And the kid that lived next door to him didn't look over the wall just in time to see THAT, but not WHY he was doing it.

Fair enough. I do sometimes wonder if there's a supernal "blooper reel" of sorts in any possible afterlife, but I don't particularly look forward to seeing any kind of stats on my life either. I don't have the same apparent ease and willingness to even occasionally share my difficult moments that you do. I'm working to get my momentum going on fictional storytelling again though. Been spending most of my will on reconnecting to my fam quite successfully if at great cost to my pride.

[Hagtard Celine Dion Mustard]

I am here at no risk to myself or others to tell you the TRUTH about the Discordian menace.

1.  Discordians always tell you all about their evil plans.  Then they rarely actually DO anything.  What this means is that we've cried "wolf!" so many times that we can say and do as we please without any possibility of anyone believing us.

Another way to say this is that there are no secrets in the Church of Discordia, and I will not be endangering myself or my family in any way, despite rumors to the contrary...Because you, dear reader, will probably not believe a word of it.  This is all just more quaint fiction.

2.  Discordians pretend that they disagree on everything, even what "Discordianism" MEANS.  This is to convince you that they have nothing nefarious in the works, because they can't stop bickering.  It worked on YOU, so it will probably work on the FBI.

3.  Discordians hate the American way of life...And so should YOU.

4.  Discordians don't stand out in a crowd.  That's what anarchists are for.  While the dumbfuck with the day-glo hairdo and the Anarchy Now™ shirt is being watched by the security guards, the Discordian is fucking up all the toilets.

5.  Discordians aren't trying to change the world.  They're trying to keep it just as weird as it already is.

6.  Discordians aren't here to help you become enlightened.  Enlightenment is for Buddhists, which is a totally different religion entirely, no matter what the Facebook tards tell you.  Any Discordian parable that involves Buddhists or monks is a put on, designed deliberately to WASTE YOUR TIME while the Discordians sneak into the bathrooms again.  Sucker.

7.  Discordians know all about Tucson and Providence and Portland, and you don't.  That's why Discordians laugh so much while everyone else is staring at the news broadcasts in shock.

8.  Discordians know who was REALLY behind 9/11, but we aren't telling, because the RIDICULOUS conspiracy theories out there are endlessly amusing.  Likewise, we aren't saying SHIT about the Kennedy assassination, so shut up.

9.  A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest.

10.  Discordians can't be bothered with your political or religious views.  Because they're BORING and you're BORING when you try to explain them. 

Noobs, here's why you get shit on:  You are here to tell us all about YOU and YOUR zaniness.  But it's been DONE, and it's NOT FUNNY and what's more, it's NO FUN.  If you're FUN, then we'll get along fine (as opposed to funny, which you probably aren't).  The whole POINT of the exercise is FUN, and if you're here to show us WHAT'S WHAT or what a REALLY REAL DISCORDIAN you are, then you aren't FUN.

Also, walking into a group and acting like a DUMBSHIT will provoke that group to TREAT you like a dumbshit, and it makes no difference WHAT group we're talking about.  So take your butthurt and shove it up your ass, because that's where it's going ANYWAY, and we can all save a little time if you just go ahead and do it yourself.  Also, rejection by a group does NOT mean that one person controls that group, it just means YOU PISSED EVERYONE OFF.

So shut up.

Bumped for good cause.

[Doktor Howl]

Given the state of things right now, I'd like to bump this.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

This one came out super pretty

[Ziegejunge]

This one came out super pretty

I like this one a lot!