News:

There's only a handful of you, and you're acting like obsessed lunatics.

I honestly wouldn't want to ever be washed up on the shore unconscious on an island run by you lot.

Main Menu

DO WE HAVE AN UNLIMITED PAGAN APPRECIATION THREAD? WELL WE DO NOW!

Started by Anna Mae Bollocks, October 14, 2012, 07:17:31 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2
User actions

Anna Mae Bollocks

October 14, 2012, 07:17:31 PM
NECROPANCE - NSFW

QuoteIf you want to make your own necropants (literally; nábrók) you have to get permission from a living man to use his skin after his dead. After he has been buried you must dig up his body and flay the skin of the corpse in one piece from the waist down. As soon as you step into the pants they will stick to your own skin. A coin must be stolen from a poor widow and placed in the scrotum along with the magical sign, nábrókarstafur, written on a piece of paper. Consequently the coin will draw money into the scrotum so it will never be empty, as long as the original coin is not removed. To ensure salvation the owner has to convince someone else to overtake the pants and step into each leg as soon as he gets out of it. The necropants will thus keep the money-gathering nature for generations.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Cain

#1
October 14, 2012, 07:19:07 PM
Pagans - promoting graverobbing and theft from poor widows since 1952 (aka "ye anciente olde times").

Juana

#2
October 14, 2012, 07:27:03 PM
What the actual fuck?
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
October 14, 2012, 07:31:20 PM
Wait.  What's this "salvation" shit?  Are they Pagans or not?  Goddammit.  I expect a little more COMMITMENT from my lunatics.  Also, you get salvation by tricking someone ELSE into accepting damnation? 

OH, YEAH, JESUS IS A MORON.  HE'LL TOTALLY BUY THAT.

Also, if the dead guy sticks to you, how do you step out one leg at a time?  Also, how would the new guy put one leg in at a time?  There wouldn't be room, unless both people have triple jointed pelvises.

Fucking assbags.  GET YOUR SHIT IN ONE BAG, AND TRY AGAIN.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#4
October 14, 2012, 08:12:30 PM
Necropance are dated to the 17th century or earlier in Iceland.

Galdrakunst is a seriously disturbing tradition, but hellafun to study.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
October 14, 2012, 08:19:23 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:12:30 PM
Necropance are dated to the 17th century or earlier in Iceland.

And why not?  They live on the side of a fucking volcano.  May as well, right?

But did they wander around worrying about salvation, while they were robbing graves and dodging trolls?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#6
October 14, 2012, 08:21:49 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 14, 2012, 08:19:23 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:12:30 PM
Necropance are dated to the 17th century or earlier in Iceland.

And why not?  They live on the side of a fucking volcano.  May as well, right?

But did they wander around worrying about salvation, while they were robbing graves and dodging trolls?

Yes. One of the most well known black magicians of that age in Iceland was a bishop.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
October 14, 2012, 08:23:04 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:21:49 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 14, 2012, 08:19:23 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:12:30 PM
Necropance are dated to the 17th century or earlier in Iceland.

And why not?  They live on the side of a fucking volcano.  May as well, right?

But did they wander around worrying about salvation, while they were robbing graves and dodging trolls?

Yes. One of the most well known black magicians of that age in Iceland was a bishop.

Of what?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#8
October 14, 2012, 08:25:33 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 14, 2012, 08:23:04 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:21:49 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 14, 2012, 08:19:23 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:12:30 PM
Necropance are dated to the 17th century or earlier in Iceland.

And why not?  They live on the side of a fucking volcano.  May as well, right?

But did they wander around worrying about salvation, while they were robbing graves and dodging trolls?

Yes. One of the most well known black magicians of that age in Iceland was a bishop.

Of what?

One of the last Catholic bishops on Iceland before the Lutheran reformation in 1550.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
October 14, 2012, 08:27:18 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:25:33 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 14, 2012, 08:23:04 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:21:49 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 14, 2012, 08:19:23 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:12:30 PM
Necropance are dated to the 17th century or earlier in Iceland.

And why not?  They live on the side of a fucking volcano.  May as well, right?

But did they wander around worrying about salvation, while they were robbing graves and dodging trolls?

Yes. One of the most well known black magicians of that age in Iceland was a bishop.

Of what?

One of the last Catholic bishops on Iceland before the Lutheran reformation in 1550.

Balls.  Iceland wasn't converted to Christianity until Goldman Sachs sent missionaries in 1998.  Before that, they ate everyone who tried.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#10
October 14, 2012, 08:28:43 PM
They also ate their ships. And whales.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
October 14, 2012, 08:31:09 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 14, 2012, 08:28:43 PM
They also ate their ships. And whales.

Yep.  Sperm whales apparently eat Icelanders, but don't always beat them in a fight, or at least without injury...Hence the preponderance of sucker marks on the hides of said whales.

But sperm whales have meter long teeth and would fucking ANYTHING.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#12
October 14, 2012, 08:35:55 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 14, 2012, 07:31:20 PM
Wait.  What's this "salvation" shit?  Are they Pagans or not?  Goddammit.  I expect a little more COMMITMENT from my lunatics.  Also, you get salvation by tricking someone ELSE into accepting damnation? 

OH, YEAH, JESUS IS A MORON.  HE'LL TOTALLY BUY THAT.

Also, if the dead guy sticks to you, how do you step out one leg at a time?  Also, how would the new guy put one leg in at a time?  There wouldn't be room, unless both people have triple jointed pelvises.

Fucking assbags.  GET YOUR SHIT IN ONE BAG, AND TRY AGAIN.

These issues need to be brought up at a pagan forum with Elduhrs.  :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

EK WAFFLR

#13
October 14, 2012, 08:45:02 PM
I wonder if these pagan shitheads would take kindly to a Icelandic Galder-troll. Hm
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#14
October 14, 2012, 09:24:28 PM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on October 14, 2012, 07:17:31 PM
NECROPANCE - NSFW

QuoteIf you want to make your own necropants (literally; nábrók) you have to get permission from a living man to use his skin after his dead. After he has been buried you must dig up his body and flay the skin of the corpse in one piece from the waist down. As soon as you step into the pants they will stick to your own skin. A coin must be stolen from a poor widow and placed in the scrotum along with the magical sign, nábrókarstafur, written on a piece of paper. Consequently the coin will draw money into the scrotum so it will never be empty, as long as the original coin is not removed. To ensure salvation the owner has to convince someone else to overtake the pants and step into each leg as soon as he gets out of it. The necropants will thus keep the money-gathering nature for generations.

:lulz: This right here is a prime example of why no matter how ridiculous the spells I made up were, Pagans ALWAYS believed them.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Print
Go Up Pages1 2
User actions