Unlimited family butthurt thread

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Chapter 1: Twid is an inconsiderate douche who hates you all

Alright, so here's the open submission unlimited family butthurt thread.

So, most of you will know from Open Bar what happened, but I will reiterate for posterity and give a little more background info.

So, yesterday was Thanksgiving, and during dessert time, my godmother/aunt's husband decided to say a bunch of offensive things, apparently in jest. For example loudly calling my other aunt a bitch to cheer her up because my heroin addicted cousin is in rehab. And calling my stepfather, who was not present btw, a fag because he owns 25 suits. All in jest. Also, some vaguely racist comments. All in jest.

Because he's such a funny guy. Funny guy called me a fag when I was 12, with no indication it was in jest, because I got my ear pierced. No one was present in the room except for me, him, and aforementioned cousin in rehab. I then told him he was more of a fag then me, and he slapped me upside the head and told me never to say that again. Did I mention that I'm bisexual?

Well, we openly ignored each other for a good long while and I started going bald so long hair was no longer an option. A couple of years later, it's ok to talk to me. Ok, so, I'm not going to be a douche to him or anything.

Well, we get to last night, and he's calling my stepfather a fag, and making hand motions and such, while talking to my 16 year old sister, (who later confided in me that she found his homophobic comments uncomfortable directed at stepdad or not.) so I vocally state that I'm going out for a smoke.

I say nothing, I go home, I wake up, see some homophobic shit online and text my aunt. So without further ado, I present you with Family Butthurt Theatre, text spelling errors kept accurate as much as possible.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I forget my original text but it went something like this:
Me: So, I've tolerated your husband for a long time now out of respect to you, but last night he went beyond my level of tolerance. I do not want to hear him call my aunt a bitch, and I don't want to hear him calling Nick a fag. Pass along to him if I hear him making homophobic or misogynistic comments in the future, there's going to be a problem. Also I think I heard some vaguely racist stuff in there so throw that on as well.

Whole day goes by. Then:

Her: Im shocked & sad, your text is very upsetting.. No need to worry about dealing with your uncles humor any longer. Just to remind you he was joking with your mom & sister about nicks closet. They were joking Kevin. But no need for you to worry I wont be around for a long long while if at all unless obligations warrant it. What you don't know about Richie is all he has done for the extended family. He even befriended your dad [my biological father] when no one else gave him the time of day.. Although I do agree some of his humor is off color & he pushes the envelop to long he is kidding. I take offensr to both you & him for doing this to me. You have you opinion but I hve to tell you, you took this way out of context. We have all gone thru some vey difficult times lately much of which you have no idea about. the grief I hve gone thru this past year taking care of stuff so no one else had to remains only with me. Yesterday was the first day in a few years that was actually a good day. Not so much anymore.

Me: Well sorry you feel that way. But i find his humor highly offensive and not at all funny. Don't worry about it. Ill excuse myself from this family if i have to Expect to listen to someone casually throw the word faggot around.

Her: Kevin you are dead wrong & very judgmental. I know how you feel. Donmt ever use me as an excuse to remove yourself from the family. If you remeber correctly which you wont because of your bias your mom & [Twidsister name redacted due to being a minor] startd the conversation & we were all laughing. They were just being silly.. [note, Twidsister later told me this is where she got uncomfortable]

Her: Just so you know one of our sons best freind is gay & our male cousin is married to a male we are happy for them that they now don't have to hide & live a life of tourment. Our daughters also have dear friends that gay as well.. So you see kevin u missed judged You took things out of context and you hurt people because u ddnt like someone joking around in a private home your mom and sister included.

Me: If mom and Twidsister are hurt they can tell me themselves. And you can talk about bias if you want but if you accept black people you don't say nigger now do you?

Me: So im sorry for hurting you but I don't expect ill be getting any apology for being offended by unacceptable language.

Her: Kevin I don't know wht happen to you or why u hve some much anger & hate in your heart but how is your mom going to feel when she hears this? [Judging from what she's said about the man herself....]

Me: If she has a problem with me speaking up and saying i don't like something offensive then she can tell me so.

Me: Ill give you that the way i phrased things was douchey and angry. So I will apologize for that. But not for pointing out something that I find objectionable.

Her: Kevin you caused bad feelings because you simply took things out of context. a lot of family is caught in the cross fire that is what is so sad. You are both inconsiderate of others feelings. Ritchie was kidding around trying to be silly he doesnt really think like that. People tht think like tht dont joke around like that. His best friend @ work is black & he would do anything for anyone that needed a hand and believe me he & me have done more than you will know.

Me: How am I supposed to know he doesnt think that way if he talks that way? If he doesn't feel that way why does he talk that way?

Her: same way comedians make their money black white and gay they make light of situations same way composers and rappers make their money I don't always agree and some of the lyrics is crass but these people don't feel that in their soul.. if richie really thought nick was gay he wouldn't of made fun of his closet and he was making fun of himself to because he only has one suit & must be a loser one way or another he likes nick & your mom and know terri [aunt called bitch] is goin thru a riugh time so he tries to tease her to make her laugh and she knows its because he cares for her & is worried for her [Terri's daughter indicated to me that Terri can't stand "short bus"- cousins words not Terri's]

Me: Well good for him then. I still find it objectionable though and im not going to pretend I don't. So yeah ill just avoid family functions from now on.

Her: don't blame that on me and don't use us as an excuse. U have your opinion that dosnt mean its right or that everyone else is wrong you don't like us that the heart of the matter and know I know.

Me: Not using it as an excuse. I don't like hearing that word. If its going to be used in a gathering I don't want to attend that gathering. Its for the same reasons that I don't listen to rap to use your example. If I don't want to hear something ill stay away from it.

Her: Life is way to short u picked a battle that caused a lot of pain to innocent people u said very strong fighting words kevin for what becase I don't lie a word me either if it was ment to hurt but it wasn't you took it too far and cause grief and angst shame on you both but more on you I thought you were a better person didn't realize you had so much hate in you. Im sorry for you.

Me: Yeah I did use strong fighting words. and I admitted that. But if youre going to continue to defend the use of said word were not going to see eye to eye [I was growing tired of the bullshit at this point]

Me: You know ritchie could just stop using that word and I could say hey thanks. Sorry I was a dick about it.

Her: Seriously kevin think about wht u r fight for and who is hurt here me an your mom your sister our family and the real fact that u hate us that is very very sad

Me: Actually I don't hate you but if you need to tell yourself that then feel free.

Her: you both are that's the point nd my kids your couins would never ever talk to or about you dad mom or nick or Twidsister or Midsister he way u talk about richie.

Her: D you know he and I gave our mortgage money twice to your mom because she needed it & you kids were young how she going to feel about waht u said to me and how you feel bout my family over a word you don't like tht your mom also said

Me: I would rather not make speculations about other peoples feelings like you are with me. Mom can tell me what she thinks. Im also pretty sure that we can agree At this point that we are not going to see eye to eye on this. Which is fine. We don't agree on something. That must mean I hate everyone though.

Her: you should speculte and consider others feelings they matter and not for nothing your mom sisters girlfriends [Villager was not present at Thanksgiving] feelings should come ahead of your own. Both you and riche are dispectful and inconsiderate. You both ruined the holidays and this I thought was going to be a peaceful holiday season for once in a long time for all of us. Shame on both of u

Me: Perhaps you should advise your husband to take other peoples feelings into consideration too. But you are speaking for a lot of people who can speak for themselves. One of which did actually tell me that ritchie was offending them. I advised them to tell him so. I would have myself as well but I wouldn't have been very diplomatic about it last night either.

Me: Yes yes shame on me. Im a bad hate filled nephew getting unnecessarily angry at slurs. If youll pardon me I have more people to chastize for minor things. [Patience gone]

Her: you came out swingin kevin with very strong words for what seriously for what kevin

Me: Id love to argue with you all night diane. I really would because I hate everyone but im trying to make dinner plans with my gay friend who id never call a fag.

Her: go for it.

While at dinner:

Host aunt: Hey kev what was up with those texts you sent diane?

Me, out loud: Oh for fuck's sake....

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...

[Phox]

You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...

Oh good fucking GOD.

What a fucking moron. Seriously dude, you were fine. You admitted that your initial reaction was out of line and apologized for it. You were far more civil than I would have been. I would discuss it with the people who she claims are being hurt by your actions, and see if you can't get them to say that stand by you.

Phox,
SLM. SA.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...

Oh good fucking GOD.

What a fucking moron. Seriously dude, you were fine. You admitted that your initial reaction was out of line and apologized for it. You were far more civil than I would have been. I would discuss it with the people who she claims are being hurt by your actions, and see if you can't get them to say that stand by you.

Phox,
SLM. SA.

This fucking shit show of a family isn't going to change. I'll make peace for Marie's sake, and I'll come out of the closet if it helps ease their butthurt.

But fuck them. Roger once told me it doesn't cost anything to be polite. So I'll clear the air, to be polite. But you know.... after transcribing that, I do kinda hate my aunt now.

[Juana]

What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?

When I was talking to Marie on the phone she was like, "Maybe you don't know some things because you're not around a lot" "Maybe I'm not around a lot for a reason."

And here's the fucked up thing. Anyone who knows me knows I don't like fighting. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely patient most of the time (to the point where I'm too patient and end up exploding). I've had some blow outs where I was a huge fucking douche, but that was either because I held it in or I was hammered and someone decided to talk about something best talked about sober. And I've admitted those each time.

And I'm sorry, but you can't walk around wearing a progressive hat and then when you're at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by white, presumably heterosexual, family members take it off and be like, "but I usually wear this hat!" Well yeah, and maybe you should put it back on because I don't like your hairdo.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

And, while an argument can be made that I have anger in my heart (I'd say more frustration that people forget they're bipedal), the fact that I even bothered to text her and carrying on, patiently, in a conversation that was obviously going nowhere from the get go, instead of throwing his plate in his face and flipping them all the bird and going "Eat shit and die suckers!" pretty much shows I don't have a lot of the hate.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...

I would hope so.



Also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGAJt-P9E1c

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Also, I sent my cousin the link to this thread.

:waves:

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You know, having transcribed that whole thing, I feel kinda vindicated...

I would hope so.



Also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGAJt-P9E1c

Thanks Net!

[Phox]

What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?

When I was talking to Marie on the phone she was like, "Maybe you don't know some things because you're not around a lot" "Maybe I'm not around a lot for a reason."

And here's the fucked up thing. Anyone who knows me knows I don't like fighting. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely patient most of the time (to the point where I'm too patient and end up exploding). I've had some blow outs where I was a huge fucking douche, but that was either because I held it in or I was hammered and someone decided to talk about something best talked about sober. And I've admitted those each time.

And I'm sorry, but you can't walk around wearing a progressive hat and then when you're at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by white, presumably heterosexual, family members take it off and be like, "but I usually wear this hat!" Well yeah, and maybe you should put it back on because I don't like your hairdo.

in addition, "Oh it was just a joke, ha-ha!" is NOT an acceptable excuse. If it was a joke "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I was just joking around. Didn't mean to hurt any feelings. I won't do it again," is the right answer here. "Aww, c'mon, lighten up", "You're not gay/black/whatever, so why does it bother you?", or "You're just being an asshole, it was funny," are dick moves to say the least. To say more accurately, they are behavior that should not be tolerated at any cost. It costs nothing to be polite, but once someone has proven they do not deserve that courtesy, write them the fuck off.

You WERE polite. far more polite than we, your esteemed colleagues, would have been. People need to be called out on that sort of shit. If it's acceptable behind closed doors, then it's a short hop to being acceptable when one of "them" isn't around, even in public. Remember that shit with that Dog the Bounty Hunter guy?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

What Phox said. Ugh. I hate the "you're ungrateful, hateful, and making us sad!" shit when someone has done or said something unacceptable. Maybe anger would not be necessary on the part of the angry person if the asshole were not an asshole, yes?

When I was talking to Marie on the phone she was like, "Maybe you don't know some things because you're not around a lot" "Maybe I'm not around a lot for a reason."

And here's the fucked up thing. Anyone who knows me knows I don't like fighting. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely patient most of the time (to the point where I'm too patient and end up exploding). I've had some blow outs where I was a huge fucking douche, but that was either because I held it in or I was hammered and someone decided to talk about something best talked about sober. And I've admitted those each time.

And I'm sorry, but you can't walk around wearing a progressive hat and then when you're at Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by white, presumably heterosexual, family members take it off and be like, "but I usually wear this hat!" Well yeah, and maybe you should put it back on because I don't like your hairdo.

in addition, "Oh it was just a joke, ha-ha!" is NOT an acceptable excuse. If it was a joke "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I was just joking around. Didn't mean to hurt any feelings. I won't do it again," is the right answer here. "Aww, c'mon, lighten up", "You're not gay/black/whatever, so why does it bother you?", or "You're just being an asshole, it was funny," are dick moves to say the least. To say more accurately, they are behavior that should not be tolerated at any cost. It costs nothing to be polite, but once someone has proven they do not deserve that courtesy, write them the fuck off.

You WERE polite. far more polite than we, your esteemed colleagues, would have been. People need to be called out on that sort of shit. If it's acceptable behind closed doors, then it's a short hop to being acceptable when one of "them" isn't around, even in public. Remember that shit with that Dog the Bounty Hunter guy?

Yep. And I think that's ultimately why I said something. Because it's like, this is some fucked up shit right here. Should I say something? Well, yes, it is fucked up shit after all.

And really, what Diane should have done was say something like, "Ah, yeah, I'll talk to him about it, but no need to threaten him. Chill out." Nope. Heel digging.

And there's a reason why they're called tokens. "I'm not [insert odious opinion here], see? I talk to this guy!"

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Well, it's 4 am here and I am tired and have to not be such an angry hateful holiday ruiner with shame on him at some point today. So I'll be turning in, as I'm sure sleep deprivation isn't going to help smooth any of this over either.

[Juana]

Yeah, I was thinking that, too. There was, almost literally, "Some of my best friends are black!"

Tokenism: "excusing" bigots since 1970.