I Have Absolutely Nothing to Say

[The Good Reverend Roger]

RELEVANT.

HE'S DOING IT AGAIN!  HE HAS NO SHAME!

SOMEONE SHOULD DO SOMETHING!

[LMNO]

[Pæs]

I have absolutely nothing to say. I pay my taxes because I don't know how to evade them. I'm a God-fearing patriot.  I smile at white children when I pass them in the street. I mow the strip of grass in front of my neighbours house and sometimes I sleep with his wife. I always give generously to charity. Sometimes when I realise I've been given too much change I go back and sneak it back into the till; when I realise I've been given too little, I key the cashier's car.

I have nothing to say. I remember the birthdays of all of my friends and wish them well when the day arrives. I pick up other people's rubbish and hide it in gardens to make the street look nicer. I follow the news so I know which tourists to distrust. I have a telescope set up by the window in the study but I've never pointed it at the sky. I cast a joke vote for a novelty party and tell people who didn't vote that they don't get a voice.

I have absolutely nothing to say. So stop asking me hard questions.

[Lenin McCarthy]

I have absolutely nothing to say. I vote for vaguely left-wing candidates. I get slightly uncomfortable at the sight of a strung-out heroin addict laying lifeless in an alleyway, but I quickly remember to look away and start thinking about nice things again. I support immigration, but I avoid sitting next to that brown guy on the bus.

I have absolutely nothing to say. I vote for vaguely right-wing candidates. I get slightly uncomfortable at the sight of a strung-out heroin addict laying lifeless in an alleyway, but I quickly remember to get angry at the government for not dealing with the scum. I don't like immigration, I have no problem with immigrants, but they just don't want to be like us, so I stay away from them as much as I can.

I have absolutely nothing to say. I don't vote. I am the strung-out heroin addict laying lifeless in the alleyway. If I was more than just barely alive, I would have something to say:
WHY AREN'T YOU FUCKING SCREAMING? ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN REALITY TV AND PARTISAN POLITICS, I MEAN. FUCK YOU BORING BASTARDS.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have absolutely nothing to say. I vote for vaguely left-wing candidates. I get slightly uncomfortable at the sight of a strung-out heroin addict laying lifeless in an alleyway, but I quickly remember to look away and start thinking about nice things again. I support immigration, but I avoid sitting next to that brown guy on the bus.

I have absolutely nothing to say. I vote for vaguely right-wing candidates. I get slightly uncomfortable at the sight of a strung-out heroin addict laying lifeless in an alleyway, but I quickly remember to get angry at the government for not dealing with the scum. I don't like immigration, I have no problem with immigrants, but they just don't want to be like us, so I stay away from them as much as I can.

I have absolutely nothing to say. I don't vote. I am the strung-out heroin addict laying lifeless in the alleyway. If I was more than just barely alive, I would have something to say:
WHY AREN'T YOU FUCKING SCREAMING? ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN REALITY TV AND PARTISAN POLITICS, I MEAN. FUCK YOU BORING BASTARDS.

Oh, this is fucking AWESOME.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have absolutely nothing to say. I am a college student and that means that I am right about everything because I am a thinker and old people won't listen to me because they've turned their minds off. I am an activist but mostly we just sit around talking about how everything is fucked forever and completely hopeless and will never change. I

I have absolutely nothing to say. I am a single mom and getting by is so, so hard but I work hard and I make it. I deserve every penny I earn and it pisses me off that I have to pay so much of it to the government to keep welfare programs going. People keep talking about government services getting shut off and I wish they would just do it already, because if I don't need that "safety net" that's proof that if those people just worked as hard as I do they wouldn't need it either. Gotta run, Johnny has a bit of a cough and I can't miss another day of work or I'll lose my job.

I have absolutely nothing to say. I can see my way clear to solutions for this awful mess we're in but applying solutions requires looking at problems and when I talk about them people tell me I'm being too cynical, so I keep my head down and my mouth shut.

I have absolutely nothing to say.