Author Topic: What Does Cain Do?  (Read 2549 times)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • v=1/3πr2h
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 77698
  • The sky tastes like red exuberance.
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #15 on: December 20, 2012, 10:22:54 pm »
STAINS.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90457
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #16 on: December 20, 2012, 10:25:25 pm »
GET THE STAINS OUT WITH CAIN

GET THE STAINS OUT WITH CAIN

GET THE STAINS OUT

WITH CAIN

I CAN'T

GET THE STAINS OUT
 I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T

GET THE STAINS WITH CAIN GET THE STAINS STAINS STAINS I CAN'T

GET RID OF THE STAINS.

Nigel's head seems like a slightly more run down neighborhood than even mine.  :lol:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Pæs

  • James Bond-defying Shit-Volcano Trigger Device of the Next Armageddon.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 2925
  • I ain't even mad.
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2012, 10:33:59 pm »
The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.
(STAINS, STAINS)

I think he's got it! I think he's got it!

THE STAINS IN SPAIN CAN BE REMOVED WITH CAIN.

BY GEORGE HE'S GOT IT. BY GEORGE HE'S GOT IT.

Now, once again. What is Cain?

FOR THE STAINS.
FOR THE STAINS.

And what removes the stains?
(STAINS, STAINS)

ONLY CAIN, ONLY CAIN.

Pæs

  • James Bond-defying Shit-Volcano Trigger Device of the Next Armageddon.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 2925
  • I ain't even mad.
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2012, 10:34:34 pm »
AN EXCERPT FROM MY FEAR LADY.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • v=1/3πr2h
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 77698
  • The sky tastes like red exuberance.
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #19 on: December 20, 2012, 10:35:53 pm »
:D
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Lenin McCarthy

  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 567
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #20 on: December 20, 2012, 10:55:52 pm »
6 KAN YeaH i'z Aq now 2 tell ?
whatever you feel is appropriate. | i asume you refer to ode to cain
a simple refrain to drain the brain || at a tepmo whiTch |
makes your navel twitch | and more than that | a little brat
scream & scream | leave this scene !!!| (xx) bridge |
the rain in spain | is on the plane | or else it wets | the awsome cain

Pæs

  • James Bond-defying Shit-Volcano Trigger Device of the Next Armageddon.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 2925
  • I ain't even mad.
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #21 on: December 20, 2012, 11:00:29 pm »
hirley0 won the thread 9 months before it started?

 :eek:

Eater of Clowns

  • Deposed Mexico
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 5731
  • Limpid Lust Pariah of Foulness
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #22 on: December 20, 2012, 11:35:40 pm »
hirley0 won the thread 9 months before it started?

 :eek:

Well that's sufficiently PANTS SHITTINGLY TERRIFYING.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

EK WAFFLR

  • A Fairy-Tale Princess Trapped in a Viking Manbear's Body
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3627
  • Nordic Freakshow Armada of Sexhurt™
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #23 on: December 21, 2012, 12:41:47 am »
 :eek: :eek: :horrormirth:
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • v=1/3πr2h
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 77698
  • The sky tastes like red exuberance.
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #24 on: December 21, 2012, 07:51:32 am »
6 KAN YeaH i'z Aq now 2 tell ?
whatever you feel is appropriate. | i asume you refer to ode to cain
a simple refrain to drain the brain || at a tepmo whiTch |
makes your navel twitch | and more than that | a little brat
scream & scream | leave this scene !!!| (xx) bridge |
the rain in spain | is on the plane | or else it wets | the awsome cain

OH

FUCK.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Deepthroat Chopra

  • Fomer Semi-finalist in the North Bundaberg Hotel Pool Comp
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 407
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #25 on: December 21, 2012, 10:01:07 am »
I stood up for him once against someone who thought they'd take the piss. Only once. I hope that's enough, you know, to help me survive the coming days.

 :eek:
Chainsaw-Wielding Fistula Detector

Anna Mae Bollocks

  • La Mano Famosa del Infierno
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10724
  • Interweb Horrormonkey of Love
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #26 on: December 21, 2012, 06:25:04 pm »
Cain does not save you.  He wouldn't if he could.  Cain does not make common household tasks easier.  Cain does not help you find restaurants in your area.  Cain does not make technology, or even make it better.  Cain will not help you get to sleep the night before your big presentation. 

Cain doesn't freshen the air in your bathroom.  Nor does he keep your computer running at its optimum speed.  He doesn't make your taxes any easier, or help you organize your correspondence.

So what does Cain do?

Cain helps you understand the world of today, so you can scream in your sleep all night.  Cain tells you what the men with important eyebrows are REALLY saying when they jabber at you from the podium.  Cain explains WHY you're fucked, and WHO did it.  Then Cain goes full potato on your ass, fucks off with your bottle and your best girl, while you try to pick your teeth up off the floor.

How much would you pay for that kind of service?  $100/month?  $200/month? 

Don't answer yet!

Because alongside his patented teef removal technology, Cain will ALSO tell you which of your cherished conspiracy theories are absolute rubbish!  And even some of your not-so-conspiracy theories.  All within 24 hours of you, the consumer, shooting off your big fat fucking mouth!

NOW how much would you pay?

Again, DON'T ANSWER YET!

After ALL OF THAT, there's STILL MORE!  Cain will roofie your drinks and shop you out to rough trade, and you'll THANK HIM FOR IT.  He'll use you for a dartboard, knock up your mom and your auntie, and wreck your fucking car in the living room of your house.

How much will you pay?

Well, it's hard to put it in terms of money.  Think of it more as indentured servitude, only instead of learning a job, you just learn how to feel PAIN.

That's how much you'll pay.

Call now.  Supplies aren't limited, but time is.  Oh yes.

SEND ME A CASE OF CAINS. I NEED TO GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.

Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Lenin McCarthy

  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 567
    • View Profile
Re: What Does Cain Do?
« Reply #27 on: December 21, 2012, 07:08:50 pm »
hirley0 won the thread 9 months before it started?

 :eek:
There is only one explanation: hirley0 exists outside of spacetime, or he has access to a powerful time machine. (well, that was two)