Nightmares, Part I of V: Why Deists Don't Sleep Well.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Once there was this guy, see?  He was a clock-maker.  He decided to build the biggest clock ever, and then set it running.  Since this clock was complex as hell, he needed to adjust it constantly for the first 2000 years or so, as the parts were experimental and didn't always act in the way he had intended. 

After a while, he brought his son into the business.  His son was a bit of a genius when it came to parts, and he managed to get some of them working right.  Unfortunately, the clock was so complex that errors continued to occur, and those errors increased as the centuries went by.

Some of the parts began to complain about the watch-maker.  They began to question how serious he was, since he wouldn't show up and do their jobs for them.  The watchmaker, by this point, had stopped tinkering with the watch.

This puzzled the parts to no end.  He'd talked with them before; they had records of it.  Where was he?  "Asleep", said some.  Others postulated that the clock built itself, and there never was a clock maker.  Still others said that the clock-maker was testing everyone, and judging them based on how well they performed their function.  The GOOD parts would be put into the next clock, and the bad parts would be melted down in a furnace, unfit for futher use.

What nobody had considered, of course, was the possibility that the watch-maker had gotten caught up in the gears of his invention, and was, sadly, no longer in any condition to talk to anyone.  His son wasn't about to touch the clock, not after the first time he'd gotten involved.  So the clock grew and grew, far beyond the capabilities of either the father or the sun to manage.  It was out of control.

Still, the various factions of parts continued their arguments, neglecting their actual functions.  It became more important to argue, fight, or kill to "prove" their positions.  The clock began to malfunction.  All sides, of course, took this as a "sign" that the maker was displeased with them for not completely wiping out the parts that disagreed with their particular philosophy.

The clock continues to run, but things are getting a little weird.    Strange grinding noises come out of the clock, and malfunctions are increasing at a staggering rate.  For example, the self-replicating parts took the order to replicate to mean "replicate indefinitely".  Now there are areas of the clock so clogged full of parts with no function that they don't really have much else to do except "improve" the clock.  Another example, related to the first, is the heat problem.  So many parts meshing, so many gears wearing, is it any wonder that the clock is getting a tad warm?

Again, each faction of parts continues to blame the other factions, or to claim that nothing is wrong. 

And the errors multiply, and are fruitful.  For now.

Amen.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Nailed it again.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Hell yes.

[LMNO]

The title pleases me, as well as the content.  These are the logical conclusions that are best not to think about.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The title pleases me, as well as the content.  These are the logical conclusions that are best not to think about.

Sure.  If God got killed by being sucked through the gears, it would be awful hard for him to predictably and reproduceably answer when people talked to him.

I know how bad it is when people get hauled through the gears, both figuratively and literally.  Who is to say that it's not even WORSE for gods?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Why do i get a sort of gleeful feeling when presented with the idea that the creator was destroyed by creation?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Why do i get a sort of gleeful feeling when presented with the idea that the creator was destroyed by creation?

Because you like what's happening with the world today?   

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Well theres some good bits. I like plumbing for example.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Well theres some good bits. I like plumbing for example.

I don't.  People flush pet alligators down there when they get to be a nuisance.  And pot heads flush weed down there when they get busted.  And abortions, now that it's restricted as hell in many states.

So, what do you have?  Evil babies riding albino alligators, both of which are fucked up on "white weed".  Horrible.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Now that is an image!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Now that is an image!

Yeah.

And we know where the plumbing actually GOES, don't we?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

My inclination is to say deer island in my case but i suspect that you know something i dont...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My inclination is to say deer island in my case but i suspect that you know something i dont...

Tucson.  It's only a trick of relativity that makes it look like we're up on a mountain.  We're actually under you guys, down where the filth goes.

And now we have stoned alligators ridden by angy abortion survivors to deal with.

Thanks a lot.  Life wasn't hard enough already, or anything.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I might have an idea for something.

[Richter]

Any self replicating scheme breaks down given enough time.  The original set of instructions for components, operations, and priorities will be subverted by nothing more malicious than the gradual decay of radioisotopes inspiring a constant level of minute damage. 

Given time, one part once thought, parts will probably find some GOOD damage somewhere, and do what's in their best interests by promoting and encouraging it.  Hell, it wouldn't even need that.  If a part WAS better is would DO better and make MORE like it.  Right?

...right...?

Turns out the parts had a hard enough time with the built in base set instructions.  The design revisions and standardization campaigns the parts DID manage to get going were more about barbecuing the parts who had begun to enact growth control protocols, funkier dance music, different color schemes, or suggesting research of better operational parameters.