I have the forum to myself.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yes, everyone's finally gone.  Now I can finally kick back and bask in the light of The Truth without handing any of these slobs anything that might prove to be dangerous in their primitive, malformed paws.

First, there really was only one assassin at Dealy Plaza in 1963, and it was in fact Lee Harvey Oswald.  The "magic bullet", the target being outside of the range of his poor eyesight, and the fact that he was seen in 3 different places at the same time are all explained by the fact that he was using a time machine.  He was in fact sent from the present to kill the past to save the future.  Kennedy was a nutcase.

Second, all alien abduction stories are true.  There are 4 different alien species, however.  One of them is a pack of perverts known as the "greys", who are just in it to make porn.  One is only interested in bits of our cattle, and only because you can't raise beefsteak in space, one is merely observing...And the other race, well, let's just say that there aren't any returned abductees from THEIR ships.  No.  Best not to dwell on that.

Third, the creationists are actually correct.  That's the GOOD news.  The bad news is WHY we were created.  Turns out you can't raise beefstake in heaven, either.

More later.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

God loves long pork? Or actual moo cow?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

God loves long pork? Or actual moo cow?

From way up there, do you think he can tell the difference? 

More to the point, would He care?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

God loves long pork? Or actual moo cow?

From way up there, do you think he can tell the difference? 

More to the point, would He care?

Good point. Since cattle and people are roughly the same size if you go by 'the war on obesity'. God probably eats the mobility scooters, too.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

God loves long pork? Or actual moo cow?

From way up there, do you think he can tell the difference? 

More to the point, would He care?

Good point. Since cattle and people are roughly the same size if you go by 'the war on obesity'. God probably eats the mobility scooters, too.

No, he puts them back on the charger in the WalMarts, etc.  They're essentially his trap line.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

God loves long pork? Or actual moo cow?

From way up there, do you think he can tell the difference? 

More to the point, would He care?

Good point. Since cattle and people are roughly the same size if you go by 'the war on obesity'. God probably eats the mobility scooters, too.

No, he puts them back on the charger in the WalMarts, etc.  They're essentially his trap line.

Canny old bastard, that one. I bet he's behind all those "Call for a FREE RASCAL!" commercials, too.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

God loves long pork? Or actual moo cow?

From way up there, do you think he can tell the difference? 

More to the point, would He care?

Good point. Since cattle and people are roughly the same size if you go by 'the war on obesity'. God probably eats the mobility scooters, too.

No, he puts them back on the charger in the WalMarts, etc.  They're essentially his trap line.

Canny old bastard, that one. I bet he's behind all those "Call for a FREE RASCAL!" commercials, too.

Sure.  And can you blame him?  Here he made this whole planet for us, and what did we do with it?  Among other sins, morris dancing.

Frankly, if I were him, I'd be harvesting wholesale.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

God loves long pork? Or actual moo cow?

From way up there, do you think he can tell the difference? 

More to the point, would He care?

Good point. Since cattle and people are roughly the same size if you go by 'the war on obesity'. God probably eats the mobility scooters, too.

No, he puts them back on the charger in the WalMarts, etc.  They're essentially his trap line.

Canny old bastard, that one. I bet he's behind all those "Call for a FREE RASCAL!" commercials, too.

Sure.  And can you blame him?  Here he made this whole planet for us, and what did we do with it?  Among other sins, morris dancing.

Frankly, if I were him, I'd be harvesting wholesale.

I don't think Morris dancing counts as a sin compared to other things like 'fun fur' and Twinkie memorials but I agree about harvesting wholesale. I think that's the punchline behind the rapture. The second coming of Christ takes away all the Christians . . . straight to God's oven, in a greased casserole dish.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I don't think Morris dancing counts as a sin compared to other things like 'fun fur' and Twinkie memorials but I agree about harvesting wholesale. I think that's the punchline behind the rapture. The second coming of Christ takes away all the Christians . . . straight to God's oven, in a greased casserole dish.

1.  Yeah, I've mentioned this before.  The joke, though, is on the atheists.

2.  Morris dancing is in fact the #1 thing that makes The Fighting Jesus mad.  This is why England's climate is so miserable.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

First, there really was only one assassin at Dealy Plaza in 1963, and it was in fact Lee Harvey Oswald.  The "magic bullet", the target being outside of the range of his poor eyesight, and the fact that he was seen in 3 different places at the same time are all explained by the fact that he was using a time machine.  He was in fact sent from the present to kill the past to save the future.  Kennedy was a nutcase.

So THAT's where they got the concept for The Terminator. Now I want to see Jack Ruby turn into mercury. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

First, there really was only one assassin at Dealy Plaza in 1963, and it was in fact Lee Harvey Oswald.  The "magic bullet", the target being outside of the range of his poor eyesight, and the fact that he was seen in 3 different places at the same time are all explained by the fact that he was using a time machine.  He was in fact sent from the present to kill the past to save the future.  Kennedy was a nutcase.

So THAT's where they got the concept for The Terminator. Now I want to see Jack Ruby turn into mercury. 

Sure.  And it worked out about the same.

TGRR,
Knows a paradox can be paradoctored.

[trippinprincezz13]

2.  Morris dancing is in fact the #1 thing that makes The Fighting Jesus mad.  This is why England's climate is so miserable.

Isn't the ferretting enough to make up for it? Or will there never be enough ferretts down Englishmen's pants to turn God's eye from the sinning dancers?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

2.  Morris dancing is in fact the #1 thing that makes The Fighting Jesus mad.  This is why England's climate is so miserable.

Isn't the ferretting enough to make up for it? Or will there never be enough ferretts down Englishmen's pants to turn God's eye from the sinning dancers?

Ferret-legging is the only reason Jesus doesn't just DESTROY England.  It is their one saving grace.  But no, it doesn't actually buy redemption for things like morris dancing or maypoles.