Conquest of the Planet of the Bride of the Son of the Return of the Open Bar

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And my sister just called me fat, accidentally, I think.

She called me to tell me that this woman was turned away from the tanning salon for being overweight. And my mom went, "She's not that big, she's the same size as your sister."

So, I get a phone call, asking for my weight, I respond, and my sister goes, "Oh, we thought you were actually at about 200lbs."

This comes after some idiot lost an argument with me on FB last night and resorted to calling me "obese" based on my profile pic. I brushed that off, but I don't need to have my weight chastised by my anorexic size 0 sister and size 4 Mom, who refers to herself as "fat" at size 4.

I've never been a size 4 in my life. Ever. They can kiss my fucking ass.


...brb, throwing up breakfast.

Why did your sister even feel teh need to relay that conversation to you? What a bitch.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I should be walking to class right now.

Ugh.

I think I have a midterm today. I also have to meet my ex to talk about what he's doing with his life, which will almost assuredly be some kind of bullshit.

I have so fucking much homework.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I was dead serious in the voting thread, as far as taking the second half of the joke to the grave.

Or I may have my executor send it to Nigel and ECH after my death, if they promise not to tell it to any other surviving PDers.

TGRR,
Doesn't wait 3 months to tell a punchline.   

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

And my sister just called me fat, accidentally, I think.

She called me to tell me that this woman was turned away from the tanning salon for being overweight. And my mom went, "She's not that big, she's the same size as your sister."

So, I get a phone call, asking for my weight, I respond, and my sister goes, "Oh, we thought you were actually at about 200lbs."

This comes after some idiot lost an argument with me on FB last night and resorted to calling me "obese" based on my profile pic. I brushed that off, but I don't need to have my weight chastised by my anorexic size 0 sister and size 4 Mom, who refers to herself as "fat" at size 4.

I've never been a size 4 in my life. Ever. They can kiss my fucking ass.


...brb, throwing up breakfast.

People who refer to themselves as "fat" at size 4, unless they're three feet tall, are probably dysmorphic. Now they want you to be dysmorphic, too. Fuck that noise.

[Salty]

Uh, I was just about to post about my "spring" funk and how I have just felt lethargic and unmotivated, and then I thought, "Why, I'll just SHUT UP and GO OUTSIDE. That'll lick these stupid stagnant chemicals right quick."

Aaaand it's snowing. Fuck you, Magic Dinosaur Jesus.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Uh, I was just about to post about my "spring" funk and how I have just felt lethargic and unmotivated, and then I thought, "Why, I'll just SHUT UP and GO OUTSIDE. That'll lick these stupid stagnant chemicals right quick."

Aaaand it's snowing. Fuck you, Magic Dinosaur Jesus.

90F, here.

[Salty]

Subject of Alty's Rage today?

Hootie, AKA Darius Rucker, for...thisss.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gX1EP6mG-E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvKyBcCDOB4

Is that autotune I hear ever so softly, or do I just hear that along with all of the other hamfistedly mixed HORRIBLE NOISES? I can't tell.

Anyway, it makes me want to puke, mostly because I don't fucking buy it. I always wonder about that when I sing, does it sound like I mean it, like it's true, or does it sound like I'm just another shmuck bawling out sad songs? There should be some quintessential force that exudes from the body that relates a connection of some kind with those words. This does not exist in the second video. It's gone. Which just triggers this instant rage because I love that song.

Uh, I was just about to post about my "spring" funk and how I have just felt lethargic and unmotivated, and then I thought, "Why, I'll just SHUT UP and GO OUTSIDE. That'll lick these stupid stagnant chemicals right quick."

Aaaand it's snowing. Fuck you, Magic Dinosaur Jesus.

90F, here.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. What will it be on Halloween?

[Salty]

I mean, don't get me wrong. Every hippie with a guitar bangs out that song, probably horribly. It's almost a cliche. I'm not saying people can't or should not sing songs. Covers are cool. That one is just terrible and I have The Crank.

[Salty]

Fine, I will contain my outrage.

I'm stating right inside this shitty apartment today. The snow is not okay for my brain.

Next week, or so, I'll be moving out of this god damned file cabinet, that I only moved into so that...uh, I forget her PD nickname...whoseit...the one that I didn't marry...my ex-gf could have a big dog. It's under 700 square feet and will cost the same as the 1300sf house I'm moving into.

The landlords are my closest friends in town, which is also badass. It's also in what Anchorage laughably calls its ghetto, which is also badass because i hate living around all these god damned white devils.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Got called into work early. But before I go,

I had a dream that I was on an expedition deep in the jungle somewhere looking for the "Shroud of Nigel". Our native guide was a white guy wearing an Indian headdress and Doc Martens going on about being descended from the Mayans and Aztecs. He smoked cigars and wore Axe.

As the expedition progressed the sky when from white to pale blue to darker blue to purple, then black. And the stars sort of wobbled in the sky, as if shaking their heads at our folly. We seemed to be going downhill the whole time, but slowly enough not to really notice.

At one point I climbed a tree and looked ahead. We were being lead down into a deep crevice with a pyramid in the center that was huge but since it sat so deep in the valley, it probably hadn't ever been discovered before. Oh and the top of it was on fire.

Wising up, I climbed down and faked my own death. I pretended I'd been shot in the chest with an arrow and started foaming at the mouth. My expedition buddies (who were all painted up like ICP) cried and wailed, but I told them not to bury me, let me be eaten by the critters, it was only fitting - and to continue on because it's what Curly would have wanted.

Once they were gone, I found a good camping spot in a cave next to a stream and listened to the screaming echo out of the crevice.

Climbed a tree the next day and saw a bunch of people wearing Roger masks, playing poker on top of the pyramid.

Then I woke up and fell out of bed.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Got called into work early. But before I go,

I had a dream that I was on an expedition deep in the jungle somewhere looking for the "Shroud of Nigel". Our native guide was a white guy wearing an Indian headdress and Doc Martens going on about being descended from the Mayans and Aztecs. He smoked cigars and wore Axe.

As the expedition progressed the sky when from white to pale blue to darker blue to purple, then black. And the stars sort of wobbled in the sky, as if shaking their heads at our folly. We seemed to be going downhill the whole time, but slowly enough not to really notice.

At one point I climbed a tree and looked ahead. We were being lead down into a deep crevice with a pyramid in the center that was huge but since it sat so deep in the valley, it probably hadn't ever been discovered before. Oh and the top of it was on fire.

Wising up, I climbed down and faked my own death. I pretended I'd been shot in the chest with an arrow and started foaming at the mouth. My expedition buddies (who were all painted up like ICP) cried and wailed, but I told them not to bury me, let me be eaten by the critters, it was only fitting - and to continue on because it's what Curly would have wanted.

Once they were gone, I found a good camping spot in a cave next to a stream and listened to the screaming echo out of the crevice.

Climbed a tree the next day and saw a bunch of people wearing Roger masks, playing poker on top of the pyramid.

Then I woke up and fell out of bed.

Sounds like an authentic Chef visitation.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Got called into work early. But before I go,

I had a dream that I was on an expedition deep in the jungle somewhere looking for the "Shroud of Nigel". Our native guide was a white guy wearing an Indian headdress and Doc Martens going on about being descended from the Mayans and Aztecs. He smoked cigars and wore Axe.

As the expedition progressed the sky when from white to pale blue to darker blue to purple, then black. And the stars sort of wobbled in the sky, as if shaking their heads at our folly. We seemed to be going downhill the whole time, but slowly enough not to really notice.

At one point I climbed a tree and looked ahead. We were being lead down into a deep crevice with a pyramid in the center that was huge but since it sat so deep in the valley, it probably hadn't ever been discovered before. Oh and the top of it was on fire.

Wising up, I climbed down and faked my own death. I pretended I'd been shot in the chest with an arrow and started foaming at the mouth. My expedition buddies (who were all painted up like ICP) cried and wailed, but I told them not to bury me, let me be eaten by the critters, it was only fitting - and to continue on because it's what Curly would have wanted.

Once they were gone, I found a good camping spot in a cave next to a stream and listened to the screaming echo out of the crevice.

Climbed a tree the next day and saw a bunch of people wearing Roger masks, playing poker on top of the pyramid.

Then I woke up and fell out of bed.

That sounds like pretty much the best dream ever.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Subject of Alty's Rage today?

Hootie, AKA Darius Rucker, for...thisss.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gX1EP6mG-E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvKyBcCDOB4

Is that autotune I hear ever so softly, or do I just hear that along with all of the other hamfistedly mixed HORRIBLE NOISES? I can't tell.

Anyway, it makes me want to puke, mostly because I don't fucking buy it. I always wonder about that when I sing, does it sound like I mean it, like it's true, or does it sound like I'm just another shmuck bawling out sad songs? There should be some quintessential force that exudes from the body that relates a connection of some kind with those words. This does not exist in the second video. It's gone. Which just triggers this instant rage because I love that song.

Try these kids to cleanse your rage gland. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCongMgTQPU Shitty sound quality, but they play it like they mean it.

This is their studio version: http://www.reverbnation.com/jawboneflats/song/8436872-wagon-wheel

[Suu]

So the Crazy lady...my suspicions have been confirmed: She's a retired professor from RIC.

Now, you all will go, "Well, there you go, you should respect her for interrupting the class." Well my answer to that is NO.
First of all, I know it is very common for grad students and adult professionals to audit classes to keep their skills sharp, and that's totally cool by me, but ...she's a professor. She has a PhD hanging up SOMEWHERE. Why isn't SHE keeping her mouth shut and letting OUR professor do his damn job?! Why doesn't she know anything about her field of study? I mean, no boats in the Middle Ages? Blatant anti-Islam sentiments and incorrect information about ALL THE THINGS?!

I would suspect troll if she at least had some kind of wits about her and tried to provoke decent arguments, but she doesn't.
I would suspect Alzheimer's and almost feel bad for her, but I don't, because she's still too with it. She's written her papers and taken the tests as a student, not an audit. I am beyond flabbergasted right now. I learned nothing in this fucking class, and it was because some bitch who's already done this coursework 100 years ago hijacked it. I am soooo emailing both the Department Chair and the Dean when I get home. This is beyond unacceptable behavior for a professional.

If she wants to teach, she can freaking apply for the job. F* her.

-Ang
PISSED.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

So the Crazy lady...my suspicions have been confirmed: She's a retired professor from RIC.

Now, you all will go, "Well, there you go, you should respect her for interrupting the class." Well my answer to that is NO.
First of all, I know it is very common for grad students and adult professionals to audit classes to keep their skills sharp, and that's totally cool by me, but ...she's a professor. She has a PhD hanging up SOMEWHERE. Why isn't SHE keeping her mouth shut and letting OUR professor do his damn job?! Why doesn't she know anything about her field of study? I mean, no boats in the Middle Ages? Blatant anti-Islam sentiments and incorrect information about ALL THE THINGS?!

I would suspect troll if she at least had some kind of wits about her and tried to provoke decent arguments, but she doesn't.
I would suspect Alzheimer's and almost feel bad for her, but I don't, because she's still too with it. She's written her papers and taken the tests as a student, not an audit. I am beyond flabbergasted right now. I learned nothing in this fucking class, and it was because some bitch who's already done this coursework 100 years ago hijacked it. I am soooo emailing both the Department Chair and the Dean when I get home. This is beyond unacceptable behavior for a professional.

If she wants to teach, she can freaking apply for the job. F* her.

-Ang
PISSED.

Well, no. I was going to imply that she should know better and you might want to buy her a ball-gag for whatever holiday is next. E-mail everyone. E-mail them twice. And make sure she isn't fucking up any of your classes next semester. Also, I would tell HER what a fucking trainwreck she is and how she ruined the class. But I'm really, really good at opening my mouth and saying mean things and in the real world that might be counter-productive.

Sorry your class was borked.