Look, you fuckers, it ISN'T treason, and I will NOT confess. It IS NOT heresy, and I will NOT recant. Sure, I fucking did it, and so would YOU, if you had any fucking balls. Johnny Cash did it, and flipped everyone the bird. James Brown did it, and brayed laughter out the window of his car, while cops chased him across FOUR STATES. Patrick Henry did it, just to show he wasn't afraid to stick his neck in a noose. But you WON'T do it. You'll TALK about it. You'll scream 'YEEHAW' at that scabby little wimp Ted Nugent, and you will 'HELL YEAH' at Goddamn Fox News down at your local saloon, but you WON'T FUCKING DO IT.
Martin Luther King did it in jail, Mohammad Ali did it to a federal judge's face. Gandhi did it in the face of the entire British empire. Ozzy Osbourne did it while pissing on the Alamo, and you didn't see a single po'bucker with the GUTS to punch him out for it. They were small, crawling things, and he was a raging maniac that was too fucked up to give a DAMN what anyone thought.
Martin Luther nailed it to the church door, Schindler did it to the Nazis, Joe Hill did it to the man until they KILLED him...and...and...and...
FURTHERMORE
Loving did it to the state of Virginia and Ru Paul did it to a million screaming bigots. Wayne Newton did it to the Las Vegas mob, Daniel Shays did it to George Washington, right after Washington did it to King George III.
And what about you? Did YOU do it? I bet you didn't. I bet you PLAN to do it, or SHOULD have done it, or TALK A REALLY GOOD GAME ABOUT IT. I bet you elbow your buddies and tell them you're gonna DO IT one fine day, just not right now, on account of the game is on, pass the fucking Miller High Life.
BUT REMEMBER
Louis Armstrong did it and Scatman John does it, and Medgar Evers did it til they SHOT him, and Sitting Bull did it ALL DAMN DAY, and Chocise and Geronimo just DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK and KEPT DOING IT, long after it had gone out of fashion.
So spare me the stories about how you're GONNA do it, if they by Jesus PUSH YOU ONE MORE TIME, because they've pushed you YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE, and you didn't do SHIT, and you WON'T NOW.
HOWEVER
The FUNNIEST part is, Obama didn't do this to you, and Dick Cheney didn't either. Leon Blankenfein didn't do it to you, nor did Henry Kissinger or Robert MacNamara or Pope John Paul II. No, you stupid shit, YOU did this to you, and so if you really ever get the urge to GO AHEAD AND DO IT, just punch yourself in your own stupid face.
But while you're doing it, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'm tired of hearing about it, and how you're gonna do it.
Some day.
OR KILL ME.