IS VISIT FROM FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD PANGO!

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Captain Dr. Pango,

Is there any way to entice you to Georgia for a visit? I feel certain that once you meet the people who live here, you'll be more than happy to drop your world-ending plot and take up life as a Jehovah's Witness and Road-Side Peach-Cart Pusher.

Alternately, do you have any suggestions for this horrible pain I get in my head when other people talk about Herman Cain missing his chance for greatness and now it's all on Rand Paul to save us from this terrible fate?

Also, if Megyn Kelly of Fox News offered to interview you, what would you do?

NO, THANK YOU, SWINE. DR. PANGO ALREADY WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA AT ONE TIME IN PAST.

FUCK CHARLIE DANIELS.

DEAR DR PANGO

PLEASE FUCK CHARLIE DANIELS

AND ALAN JACKSON

AND TOBY KEITH

THANK YOU

YOU SWINE AR PRECIOUS WHEN YOU TRY USE CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE ME. PLEASE. USER LOWERCASE.

UPPER CASE LETTERS FOR UPPER CASE LIFE FORMS.

THIS NOT MEAN YOU.

Dr Pango, what tie is best for a job interview? Consider that the boss is an old surfer dude turned CEO.

NORMALLY, DR PANGO OFFER REPLIES IN JEST, OBVIOUS BULLSHIT ANSWERS. BUT IN THIS CASE, DR PANGO MAKE EXCEPTION.

FOR SURFER-DUDE/CEO BOSS GUY, DR PANGO RECOMMEND YOU WEAR NORMAL BLUE TIE. NO PATTERNS. SOLID. ALSO DRESS LIKE YOU ARE INTERVIEWING FOR JOB IN DOWNTOWN NEW YORK, EVEN IF SUCH CLOTHING IS TOO WARM FOR CLIMATE. HOWEVER, TO FRONT OF SUIT JACKET, PIN A SMALL BABY DOLL PURCHASE FROM WALMART.

IF CEO-SURFER-GUY-BOSS ASK WHY THE BABY DOLL, TELL HIM IT SYMBOLIZE ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE TURN YOUR BACK ON TO GET WHERE YOU ARE TODAY, AND ALSO IT WAS A GREAT DEAL. HE WILL FEEL INSTANT BROTHERHOOD WITH YOU AND HIRE YOU ON SPOT.

This is the best thing written in Apple Talk by anyone, ever.  Period.

I am in fact printing this shit off and stapling to my wall, right next to the giant pic of Squiddy leering.

IS PLEASURE TO BRING JOY SO NEAR END OF YOUR PITIFUL WORLD.

Upper case was for emphasis. Let's try this:

Please fuck those guys. Especially Toby Keith. Because "Hope On The Rocks", that's why.

Whiskey Girl was okay.  I mean, if you like songs glorifying crippling alcoholism in one's significant other.

No no. Fuck Brad Paisley. For that song "Accidental Racist".

[The Good Reverend Roger]

No no. Fuck Brad Paisley. For that song "Accidental Racist".

Sorry, Welcome to the Future absolved him of all of his sins, on account of HORROR BEHIND THE SMILE.

[Junkenstein]

Nomination for random pango sentances ITT to become newsfeed.


Please.

[PANGO!]

DR PANGO SEE MANY ATTEMPT TO PATRONIZE, APPEASE, FLATTER, AND DEIFY HIM.

PLEASE MORTALS. WILL NOT WORK OUT SO GOOD FOR YOU.

EVERY TIME YOU TRY THE FLATTERING, DR PANGO WILL ADD 10 MINUTES TO HOW LONG HE ALLOW YOU TO LIVE DURING THE GREAT OCCURRENCE. THIS IS NOT TEN MINUTES YOU WILL ENJOY.

[EK WAFFLR]

Dr Pango, what tie is best for a job interview? Consider that the boss is an old surfer dude turned CEO.

NORMALLY, DR PANGO OFFER REPLIES IN JEST, OBVIOUS BULLSHIT ANSWERS. BUT IN THIS CASE, DR PANGO MAKE EXCEPTION.

FOR SURFER-DUDE/CEO BOSS GUY, DR PANGO RECOMMEND YOU WEAR NORMAL BLUE TIE. NO PATTERNS. SOLID. ALSO DRESS LIKE YOU ARE INTERVIEWING FOR JOB IN DOWNTOWN NEW YORK, EVEN IF SUCH CLOTHING IS TOO WARM FOR CLIMATE. HOWEVER, TO FRONT OF SUIT JACKET, PIN A SMALL BABY DOLL PURCHASE FROM WALMART.

IF CEO-SURFER-GUY-BOSS ASK WHY THE BABY DOLL, TELL HIM IT SYMBOLIZE ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE TURN YOUR BACK ON TO GET WHERE YOU ARE TODAY, AND ALSO IT WAS A GREAT DEAL. HE WILL FEEL INSTANT BROTHERHOOD WITH YOU AND HIRE YOU ON SPOT.

My god. This is glorious!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I suggest we get a kickstarter going for a Dr Pango radio show ASAP.

DR. PANGO AGREE WITH TERM "KICK"STARTER. IT SOUND LIKE DR. PANGO'S FAVORITE COITAL MANEUVER.

Dear Captain Dr. Pango,

There's this city on the other side of the river called "Vancouver". What should I do with it?

WHAT YOU MEAN "WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH IT" ? ENDLESS OPTIONS. FIRE, HAIL OF BULLETS, PLAGUE OF KITTENS, SPRAY PAINT, LINE MAIN RAILROAD INTO CITY WITH CANADIAN COINS, IS UP TO IMAGINATION. DR. PANGO SUGGEST RELEASING FLOCK OF DEAD CHICKENS IN BUSY INTERSECTION.

OH FUCK YEAH

PLAGUE OF KITTENS

That's totally happening. Thanks!

[Aucoq]

Dr Pango, what tie is best for a job interview? Consider that the boss is an old surfer dude turned CEO.

NORMALLY, DR PANGO OFFER REPLIES IN JEST, OBVIOUS BULLSHIT ANSWERS. BUT IN THIS CASE, DR PANGO MAKE EXCEPTION.

FOR SURFER-DUDE/CEO BOSS GUY, DR PANGO RECOMMEND YOU WEAR NORMAL BLUE TIE. NO PATTERNS. SOLID. ALSO DRESS LIKE YOU ARE INTERVIEWING FOR JOB IN DOWNTOWN NEW YORK, EVEN IF SUCH CLOTHING IS TOO WARM FOR CLIMATE. HOWEVER, TO FRONT OF SUIT JACKET, PIN A SMALL BABY DOLL PURCHASE FROM WALMART.

IF CEO-SURFER-GUY-BOSS ASK WHY THE BABY DOLL, TELL HIM IT SYMBOLIZE ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE TURN YOUR BACK ON TO GET WHERE YOU ARE TODAY, AND ALSO IT WAS A GREAT DEAL. HE WILL FEEL INSTANT BROTHERHOOD WITH YOU AND HIRE YOU ON SPOT.

This is absolutely fucking awesome.