QG's Cookie Recipe Thread

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Zero Structural Integrity Peanut Butter Cookies

     > 1 cup peanut butter (creamy or crunchy)
     > 1 cup brown sugar
     > 1 egg

Preheat oven to 350
Mash together everything in a bowl
Scoop out onto ungreased cookie sheets (optionally lined with parchment paper).
(Optional: mash flat with fork dipped in granulated sugar)
Cook for not very long
Take out of the oven when edges are firm but the centers are still mushtastic.
Leave on the cookie sheet until you're afraid they'll start burning
Transfer to wire rack


FAQ:
Can I add stuff to these cookies?
Yes! Remember that the more stuff you add the more they will crumble.

I made these cookies and they have structural integrity, what did I do wrong?
Those cookies are burnt.

Can I make these cookies with a non-zero value for structural integrity?
Yes. Add a couple tablespoons of flour. More flour = more structural integrity.

[Suu]

I have everything I need to make those RIGHT NOW.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I have everything I need to make those RIGHT NOW.

It's THE BEST for that! Also because I can always remember it.

[Salty]

I SHALL TRY THIS WITH SUNFLOWER BUTTER!

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Chocolate Covered Sea Urchins

     > 1 cup peanut butter
     > 1 cup brown sugar
     > 1 egg
     > 3 or 4 heaping tablespoons flour
     > Chow Mein or other crunchy noodles
     > One bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
     > 2 or 3 tablespoons butter
     > a little heavy cream

Follow the recipe for peanut butter cookies above, but add the flour and roll cookies into small balls about 1 inch before putting on the pan
While the cookies are still hot after coming out of the oven, stick in noodles so they look like little tentacle monsters
Melt the chocolate
Add a little heavy cream
Freak out because the chocolate is getting grainy
Look up the recipe you were trying to remember off the top of your head
Melt butter into chocolate
Relax as chocolate takes on nicer shiny texture
Add a little more heavy cream
Using a rubber spatula to keep the chocolate moving over very low heat, drop one sea urchin into the pot
Drizzle chocolate over the sea urchin until covered
Using some kind of slotted spoon or fork, remove the sea urchin and place on a lined cookie sheet
Repeat until you are out of sea urchins or chocolate
Put the finished urchins in the fridge to solidify

[Suu]

Okay, THOSE sound like fun! Messy, messy fun!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

And just challenging enough to be interesting. I like the chocolate suspense.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Chocolate Salty Balls

     > 8 oz semi-sweet chocolate
     > 1/4 cup heavy cream
     > 2 tbsp butter
     > 1 1/2 tbsp vodka
     > cocoa powder
     > powdered sugar
     > coarse-ground sea salt

put the chocolate in a food processor and chop the fuck out of it
put the cream and butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke them until the cream is boiling (~ 1 min)
pour the cream and butter into the food processor and run until the chocolate is melty
add vodka
put it all in a bowl, cover it, and leave in the fridge overnight
sleep
mix remaining dry ingredients in a shallow bowl or dish
scoop out truffle mixture, roll into balls, and roll in the dry mix
serve in pairs

[Suu]

Chocolate Salty Balls

     > 8 oz semi-sweet chocolate
     > 1/4 cup heavy cream
     > 2 tbsp butter
     > 1 1/2 tbsp vodka
     > cocoa powder
     > powdered sugar
     > coarse-ground sea salt

put the chocolate in a food processor and chop the fuck out of it
put the cream and butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke them until the cream is boiling (~ 1 min)
pour the cream and butter into the food processor and run until the chocolate is melty
add vodka
put it all in a bowl, cover it, and leave in the fridge overnight
sleep
mix remaining dry ingredients in a shallow bowl or dish
scoop out truffle mixture, roll into balls, and roll in the dry mix
serve in pairs

Oh. My. God.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Chocolate Salty Balls

     > 8 oz semi-sweet chocolate
     > 1/4 cup heavy cream
     > 2 tbsp butter
     > 1 1/2 tbsp vodka
     > cocoa powder
     > powdered sugar
     > coarse-ground sea salt

put the chocolate in a food processor and chop the fuck out of it
put the cream and butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke them until the cream is boiling (~ 1 min)
pour the cream and butter into the food processor and run until the chocolate is melty
add vodka
put it all in a bowl, cover it, and leave in the fridge overnight
sleep
mix remaining dry ingredients in a shallow bowl or dish
scoop out truffle mixture, roll into balls, and roll in the dry mix
serve in pairs

The Grail of cookies. Thanks!

And I'm contemplating experimenting with various flavored liqueurs instead of vodka. Oh, dear... 

[LMNO]

That's not a cookie.  That's an angel's nutsack.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

That's not a cookie.  That's an angel's nutsack.

The Grail of angel's nutsacks, then.
OH HELL YEAH.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

It's a lightly modified version of a black russian truffle recipe I found online, I just omitted the coffee liquor. I wanted to make sure that they would have the longest shelf-life possible, which meant reducing the overall available water and including alcohol. The nice thing about using vodka as a base is you can roll it in almost anything (the plans for next batch include orange rind and red pepper flakes).

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Mini Fruit Pies

     > 1/2 cup softened butter
     > 1/4 cup brown sugar
     > 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
     > 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
     > 1/4 teaspoon salt
     > 1 egg
     > 1/2 cup honey
     > 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
     > 2 1/2 cups flour
     > Apple jelly (about half a small jar)
     > 1 cup chopped mixed dried fruit (as delivered: cranberries, mango, and apricot)
     > 1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts

Beat the butter. Cry because you do not have an electric mixer and this is the fourth recipe in a row that thinks you do.
Add brown sugar, coriander and salt.
Substitute baking powder for baking soda because you don't know the difference and you have one but not the other. Add it.
Mash everything a lot.
Add egg, honey, and vanilla.
Add the flour.
Wish you were born part-gorilla.
Cover and stick it in the fridge 3 hours or overnight.
-wait-
Preheat oven to 350
Grease every other cup in a muffin pan.
Roll out the dough in small batches and push into the greased cups.
Drop fruit and nuts into pies.
Drop a spoonful of apple jelly over fruit and nuts.
Roll out more dough for the top crusts.
Pinch the top and bottom crusts together.
Bake.
Take out of the oven when the edges of the crusts threaten to burn.
Flip onto a wire rack to cool.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Those fucking chocolate balls were so amazing that I took them and ate them ALL. Omnomnom.