Hey, I'm writing a thing about RPG games, LARPS and safe spaces

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

I was having a convo with someone about how sometimes the gaming table or larp group can get squicky, triggery or upsetting, would any of you spags be interested in reading the blog post I'm working on?

[Junkenstein]

Very.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

SWEEEEET!

Very much so a WIP, but I'll post the link here once I'm done, it's basically different strategies for making your game not implode because of various reasons

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Totally in.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I was having a convo with someone about how sometimes the gaming table or larp group can get squicky, triggery or upsetting, would any of you spags be interested in reading the blog post I'm working on?

Sure.

And I've seen that at my table.  I have a very simple solution for it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yes, totally.

Something I've been thinking about lately, and was having a conversation with a guy friend about, is how up until recently feminism has focused a lot on the "You can play with the big boys!" angle of female empowerment, and has lagged far behind in both opening traditionally "female" emotional spaces for men, and in making a space for those "female" qualities, like sensitivity and empathy, in the larger culture.

When I was young, I ran with the boys and was applauded by them for being "tough" and being able to keep up with their shock-jock transgressive humor without a flinch.

That's OK, that's fine, that's where we were at in the 1990's. That was part of our development. But if we really want men and women to play together equally in the cultural arena, our shared space needs equal access to the full realm of human sensibilities, and that means making it OK for both men and women to be sensitive, tender, vulnerable, and considerate in public. Even at a game table, or on the Internet.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

cool cool

Now I need to calm the fuck down in order to finish the thing.

I was having a convo with someone about how sometimes the gaming table or larp group can get squicky, triggery or upsetting, would any of you spags be interested in reading the blog post I'm working on?

Sure.

And I've seen that at my table.  I have a very simple solution for it.

Oh? i'm interested on getting some different strategies for dealing with it/ ideally preventing it

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yes, totally.

Something I've been thinking about lately, and was having a conversation with a guy friend about, is how up until recently feminism has focused a lot on the "You can play with the big boys!" angle of female empowerment, and has lagged far behind in both opening traditionally "female" emotional spaces for men, and in making a space for those "female" qualities, like sensitivity and empathy, in the larger culture.

When I was young, I ran with the boys and was applauded by them for being "tough" and being able to keep up with their shock-jock transgressive humor without a flinch.

That's OK, that's fine, that's where we were at in the 1990's. That was part of our development. But if we really want men and women to play together equally in the cultural arena, our shared space needs equal access to the full realm of human sensibilities, and that means making it OK for both men and women to be sensitive, tender, vulnerable, and considerate in public. Even at a game table, or on the Internet.

From a guy's point of view, if you have to act like a neandrathal - even if no women are around - then there's something wrong with your fucking head to begin with. 

In game terms, it's fairly simple.  The point of RPGs is that multiple people sit down at a table and EVERYONE HAS FUN.  The only failure point is when SOMEONE DOESN'T HAVE FUN.

If someone can only have fun by acting like a slightly retarded adolescent in a Metallica T-Shirt, and that means other people don't have fun, then that person isn't a good fit, and should go look for a group that's more his style.

Gaming is geekery.  There are high-functioning geeks, and low-functioning geeks.  The low-functioning geeks sort of stand out.  Poor personal hygiene, the inability to talk to women at the table in a bipedal manner, etc.  They also tend to do things that make things NOT FUN for ANYONE else (ie, stealing from the rest of the party, veering off into squick, etc).

We use the death die rule.  New player comes in, and the game commences.  At the end of the player's first 3 sessions, I check a coffee cup I have left on the fridge.  If there's any dice in it, the new player is out, no questions asked.

We had one guy who joined, who thought that "heroic activities" involved butchering peasants and raping the locals.  I walked in the kitchen to put a die in the cup (I'd have just thrown him out of the house, but the session was just about over), and I couldn't, because the cup was overflowing with dice.

What's really funny about that guy is that the table is 50% women.  What on Earth goes through the pointy little skulls of people who think that sort of shit is okay?

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Yes, totally.

Something I've been thinking about lately, and was having a conversation with a guy friend about, is how up until recently feminism has focused a lot on the "You can play with the big boys!" angle of female empowerment, and has lagged far behind in both opening traditionally "female" emotional spaces for men, and in making a space for those "female" qualities, like sensitivity and empathy, in the larger culture.

When I was young, I ran with the boys and was applauded by them for being "tough" and being able to keep up with their shock-jock transgressive humor without a flinch.

That's OK, that's fine, that's where we were at in the 1990's. That was part of our development. But if we really want men and women to play together equally in the cultural arena, our shared space needs equal access to the full realm of human sensibilities, and that means making it OK for both men and women to be sensitive, tender, vulnerable, and considerate in public. Even at a game table, or on the Internet.

From a guy's point of view, if you have to act like a neandrathal - even if no women are around - then there's something wrong with your fucking head to begin with. 

In game terms, it's fairly simple.  The point of RPGs is that multiple people sit down at a table and EVERYONE HAS FUN.  The only failure point is when SOMEONE DOESN'T HAVE FUN.

If someone can only have fun by acting like a slightly retarded adolescent in a Metallica T-Shirt, and that means other people don't have fun, then that person isn't a good fit, and should go look for a group that's more his style.

Gaming is geekery.  There are high-functioning geeks, and low-functioning geeks.  The low-functioning geeks sort of stand out.  Poor personal hygiene, the inability to talk to women at the table in a bipedal manner, etc.  They also tend to do things that make things NOT FUN for ANYONE else (ie, stealing from the rest of the party, veering off into squick, etc).

We use the death die rule.  New player comes in, and the game commences.  At the end of the player's first 3 sessions, I check a coffee cup I have left on the fridge.  If there's any dice in it, the new player is out, no questions asked.

We had one guy who joined, who thought that "heroic activities" involved butchering peasants and raping the locals.  I walked in the kitchen to put a die in the cup (I'd have just thrown him out of the house, but the session was just about over), and I couldn't, because the cup was overflowing with dice.

What's really funny about that guy is that the table is 50% women.  What on Earth goes through the pointy little skulls of people who think that sort of shit is okay?

Cool. I'm going to include reactive strategies, like this one. I'm also going to look at preventative strategies.

Rog, do you mind if i use this as an example of a reactive strategy?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

cool cool

Now I need to calm the fuck down in order to finish the thing.

I was having a convo with someone about how sometimes the gaming table or larp group can get squicky, triggery or upsetting, would any of you spags be interested in reading the blog post I'm working on?

Sure.

And I've seen that at my table.  I have a very simple solution for it.

Oh? i'm interested on getting some different strategies for dealing with it/ ideally preventing it

I throw them out of the group.

If the problem is developing, I might talk to them first, but the problem is, the sort of person who allows that to develop in themselves has had the issues all along.

The other thing is the "death die" I wrote about above, plus the briefing a new player gets upon joining...Basically as follows:

1.  Our game is about hacking up bad guys and saving the kingdom, etc.  It is very munchkin, so about 75% hack n slash, 25% role playing.

2.  Sex is not suitable in-game material.  Period.  It doesn't fit.  Please find another group.

3.  Chopping up monsters is heroic.  Chopping up bystanders is not.  For the same reason, evil characters are not allowed.  "Heroic".  End of story.  If your character somehow turns evil, you write up a new one, and I keep this one as a villain until and unless the character somehow stops being evil.

4.  Passing the DM notes gets you booted.

5.  Swiping from the other characters gets you booted.  Yes, you are just "playing your alignment".  WHO CHOSE THAT ALIGNMENT?  Oh, yeah.  You did.  No, chaotic neutral isn't a "challenge", it's automatically a sign of a player who wants to make things not fun for other people.

6.  Making the game not fun for other people gets you booted.  If you don't know if something will make it not fun for the other people, then either ask or just don't do it.

7.  Hogging the action gets you booted.  Attention-whoring on your initiative gets you booted (ie, it comes around to you, and THEN you start thinking about what you're going to do).  These two take some doing, but if the pattern is there, you're out.

8.  Rules lawyering:  Not necessary.  If you can show me that I'm wrong on a rule, I will reverse the decision.  If I disagree with your interpretation of the rule, there is no further argument until after the session.  Lump it.

9.  If I announce "table Nazi" rules, it means one of two things:  Either the group is larger than normal for some reason (two groups meeting, etc), or all of the players are being assholes on that day. 

10.  If I see any real life inappropriate behavior (sexual harrassment of one player towards another, physical intimidation, mean spirited "joking", etc), the player doing that is out, permanently and immediately.  Pack up your shit.

It often amazes me that I have to say any of this shit.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yes, totally.

Something I've been thinking about lately, and was having a conversation with a guy friend about, is how up until recently feminism has focused a lot on the "You can play with the big boys!" angle of female empowerment, and has lagged far behind in both opening traditionally "female" emotional spaces for men, and in making a space for those "female" qualities, like sensitivity and empathy, in the larger culture.

When I was young, I ran with the boys and was applauded by them for being "tough" and being able to keep up with their shock-jock transgressive humor without a flinch.

That's OK, that's fine, that's where we were at in the 1990's. That was part of our development. But if we really want men and women to play together equally in the cultural arena, our shared space needs equal access to the full realm of human sensibilities, and that means making it OK for both men and women to be sensitive, tender, vulnerable, and considerate in public. Even at a game table, or on the Internet.

From a guy's point of view, if you have to act like a neandrathal - even if no women are around - then there's something wrong with your fucking head to begin with. 

In game terms, it's fairly simple.  The point of RPGs is that multiple people sit down at a table and EVERYONE HAS FUN.  The only failure point is when SOMEONE DOESN'T HAVE FUN.

If someone can only have fun by acting like a slightly retarded adolescent in a Metallica T-Shirt, and that means other people don't have fun, then that person isn't a good fit, and should go look for a group that's more his style.

Gaming is geekery.  There are high-functioning geeks, and low-functioning geeks.  The low-functioning geeks sort of stand out.  Poor personal hygiene, the inability to talk to women at the table in a bipedal manner, etc.  They also tend to do things that make things NOT FUN for ANYONE else (ie, stealing from the rest of the party, veering off into squick, etc).

We use the death die rule.  New player comes in, and the game commences.  At the end of the player's first 3 sessions, I check a coffee cup I have left on the fridge.  If there's any dice in it, the new player is out, no questions asked.

We had one guy who joined, who thought that "heroic activities" involved butchering peasants and raping the locals.  I walked in the kitchen to put a die in the cup (I'd have just thrown him out of the house, but the session was just about over), and I couldn't, because the cup was overflowing with dice.

What's really funny about that guy is that the table is 50% women.  What on Earth goes through the pointy little skulls of people who think that sort of shit is okay?

Cool. I'm going to include reactive strategies, like this one. I'm also going to look at preventative strategies.

Rog, do you mind if i use this as an example of a reactive strategy?

Feel free.  From a group's pov, though, that's a preventative strategy.

Also, I just mentioned "Table Nazi Rules".  I can explain those if you like.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Yes, please do.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I like your rules, Roger. I think they'd be pretty effective adapted to just about any situation, to tell the truth.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yes, please do.

Table Nazi Rules are a set of rules for dealing with a group that is too large, for one reason or another, to handle normally.  I run two groups in the same campaign, and on occasion, they meet up.  At this point, I have 12 players at the table (6 is my normal max).

OR the regular group is too large because of constraints placed by the adventure.

OR the regular group is feeling butthurt or silly, and an important part of the adventure is being trashed.  This is rare, by the way.  Normally, I let them be silly, and if they don't get what they needed or whatever, they just pay for it later.

Anyway, Table Nazi Rules:

1.  MOST IMPORTANT RULE:  When it's your turn to go, be ready.  If you don't know what you want to do, neither does your character, and you don't get an action that turn.

2.  If I am spewing flavor text, etc, and you start yapping, your character falls prone (if in combat), or an NPC decides he/she hates you for no reason (if social), or something you need breaks, or something similar.  This is not up for discussion.  Once I announce it, it is in force. 

3.  If you jabber while someone else is trying to take their turn, you automatically fail the next two saving throws your character needs to make.

4.  Flavor text is NEVER repeated because you weren't paying attention.  If you were paying attention and couldn't hear me or whatnot, I will repeat myself.

5.  If you're on the phone, see rule 1.  Bathroom is okay, though.  Everybody poops.

6.  Deliberately slowing down the action because you're butthurt over one of the above rules results in a roll on the PC horrible death chart.  Here, have a new character sheet.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I like your rules, Roger. I think they'd be pretty effective adapted to just about any situation, to tell the truth.

They're mostly just being civil.