No wonder our society is sociopathic...

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Babies need to be given sugar, drugs and alcohol so they can learn to self-soothe like everyone else.

This explains the mix of 7-Up and NyQuil so often seen in the bottles of babies.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Nigel, what are your thoughts on attachment parenting?

I have a friend who has done that for like, 2 years with her wee boy (2).

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nigel, what are your thoughts on attachment parenting?

I have a friend who has done that for like, 2 years with her wee boy (2).

I am all about it.

I have mentioned before that when I was preparing to become a parent I looked around at all the parents I knew who had happy, healthy, well-adjusted older kids, and at the happy well-adjusted young adults with good relationships with their parents, and asked them questions about parenting. It turned out that across the board, the people who were turning out really well were attachment parented by parents with an accepting, flexible, involved, and authoritative style.

I attachment parented all my children (or, I guess I'm still doing it) and practicing authoritative parenting. So far, I'm really happy with how my kids are responding to it. I think that really strong sense of security and attachment early in life helps them to build trusting relationships and, seemingly paradoxically, to be better able to find their independence later on.

[Suu]

I still think crying some is good for a baby.  There's really 3 things a baby cries for, hunger, a full diaper, and wanting attention.  The first two should be dealt with immediately, the third, well, I'm not saying you should never give your baby attention, you should usually do so, but leaving him or her alone now and then gives him or her coping skills and the ability to self soothe.

After 3 months or so, they should be given a chance to learn to self-soothe, yes. Not alone, just not picking them up immediately. Before that it's just cruel.

That's what I thought too. But NOT at 2 weeks. That's straight up fucking abandonment.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nigel, what are your thoughts on attachment parenting?

I define it as simply "parenting".

I mean, to me, it's the only option.

[Xicked]

Nigel, what are your thoughts on attachment parenting?

I define it as simply "parenting".

I mean, to me, it's the only option.

I agree.


Some disjointed thoughts:

I didn't realize that what I am doing was considered 'attachment parenting'; I just do what feels like the most intuitive way to parent.  If no one ever read a parenting book, everyone would be doing this.  Parents get a lot of pressure from people, doctors included, to force their babies to conform to a scheduled lifestyle of specific feeding times and doing whatever it takes to force them to sleep through the night on their own.  So many doctors do not know anything about the more recent research involving infants, and too few encourage and support breastfeeding. 

There should be more support for mothers.  In Canada a parent can usually get one year of paid maternity leave (around 60% of their salary).  I believe in the U.S. they only have three months?  I can't really blame a mother who has to be at a full-time job for seeking out help with sleep and feeding.  I wouldn't be surprised if the main intention behind most of these 'parenting solutions' is to get people back into the work force ASAP (and to sell a crap book).

This makes me sad, and I wonder how many millions of people have been/are being raised this way:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting/unconnected-child

Suppose parents, for fear of spoiling their baby or letting her manipulate them, restrain themselves from responding to her cries and develop a more distant, low-touch style of parenting. What happens then? The baby must either cry harder and more disturbingly to get her needs met or give up and withdraw. In either case, she finds that her caregiving world is not responsive. Eventually, since her cues are not responded to, she learns not to give cues. She senses something is missing in her life. She becomes angry and either outwardly hostile or withdrawn. In the first case, the baby is not very nice to be around, and parents find ways to avoid her. In the second case, the baby is harder to connect with, and again, parents and child enjoy each other less. Either way, this child will be difficult to discipline. She comes to believe that safety and security depend on no one but herself. Problems in relationships develop when a child grows up thinking she only has herself to trust in. Since the parents don't allow themselves to respond intuitively to their baby's cues, they become less sensitive and lose confidence in their parenting skills.

As the unconnected child gets older, much of his time is spent in misbehavior, and he is on the receiving end of constant reprimands; or he tunes out and seems to live in his own separate world. This child becomes known as sullen, a brat, a whiner, or a spoiled kid. These undesirable behaviors are really coping strategies the child uses in search of a connection. The unconnected child doesn't know how to regain a sense of well-being because he has no yardstick to measure attachment. He has difficulty finding a connection because he isn't sure what he lost.

Bring on the Ritalin.



Whenever 'attachment parents' are shown on TV they often seem a little crazy, and their parenting is portrayed in a negative light.  Somehow the label 'attachment parent' has been twisted to mean parents who are on the extreme side of it, ie. they're against the use of strollers and cribs, indefinite bed-sharing, long-term extended breastfeeding, etc.  Anyone I've met who calls themselves an attachment parent has these ideals.  None of these things are inherently bad, but I think some parents take it too far and think that meeting their child's needs means never saying "no." 

It is a little sad that co-sleeping is so discouraged.  I doubt any other mammals give birth and then make the baby sleep alone at the other end of the den.

[Xicked]

Babies need to be given sugar, drugs and alcohol so they can learn to self-soothe like everyone else.

This explains the mix of 7-Up and NyQuil so often seen in the bottles of babies.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

It's a thing. Sad but true.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Nigel, what are your thoughts on attachment parenting?

I define it as simply "parenting".

I mean, to me, it's the only option.

I agree.


Some disjointed thoughts:

I didn't realize that what I am doing was considered 'attachment parenting'; I just do what feels like the most intuitive way to parent.  If no one ever read a parenting book, everyone would be doing this.  Parents get a lot of pressure from people, doctors included, to force their babies to conform to a scheduled lifestyle of specific feeding times and doing whatever it takes to force them to sleep through the night on their own.  So many doctors do not know anything about the more recent research involving infants, and too few encourage and support breastfeeding. 

There should be more support for mothers.  In Canada a parent can usually get one year of paid maternity leave (around 60% of their salary).  I believe in the U.S. they only have three months?  I can't really blame a mother who has to be at a full-time job for seeking out help with sleep and feeding.  I wouldn't be surprised if the main intention behind most of these 'parenting solutions' is to get people back into the work force ASAP (and to sell a crap book).

This makes me sad, and I wonder how many millions of people have been/are being raised this way:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting/unconnected-child

Suppose parents, for fear of spoiling their baby or letting her manipulate them, restrain themselves from responding to her cries and develop a more distant, low-touch style of parenting. What happens then? The baby must either cry harder and more disturbingly to get her needs met or give up and withdraw. In either case, she finds that her caregiving world is not responsive. Eventually, since her cues are not responded to, she learns not to give cues. She senses something is missing in her life. She becomes angry and either outwardly hostile or withdrawn. In the first case, the baby is not very nice to be around, and parents find ways to avoid her. In the second case, the baby is harder to connect with, and again, parents and child enjoy each other less. Either way, this child will be difficult to discipline. She comes to believe that safety and security depend on no one but herself. Problems in relationships develop when a child grows up thinking she only has herself to trust in. Since the parents don't allow themselves to respond intuitively to their baby's cues, they become less sensitive and lose confidence in their parenting skills.

As the unconnected child gets older, much of his time is spent in misbehavior, and he is on the receiving end of constant reprimands; or he tunes out and seems to live in his own separate world. This child becomes known as sullen, a brat, a whiner, or a spoiled kid. These undesirable behaviors are really coping strategies the child uses in search of a connection. The unconnected child doesn't know how to regain a sense of well-being because he has no yardstick to measure attachment. He has difficulty finding a connection because he isn't sure what he lost.

Bring on the Ritalin.



Whenever 'attachment parents' are shown on TV they often seem a little crazy, and their parenting is portrayed in a negative light.  Somehow the label 'attachment parent' has been twisted to mean parents who are on the extreme side of it, ie. they're against the use of strollers and cribs, indefinite bed-sharing, long-term extended breastfeeding, etc.  Anyone I've met who calls themselves an attachment parent has these ideals.  None of these things are inherently bad, but I think some parents take it too far and think that meeting their child's needs means never saying "no." 

It is a little sad that co-sleeping is so discouraged.  I doubt any other mammals give birth and then make the baby sleep alone at the other end of the den.

My friend Jenn does the co-sleeping and carrier thing. the babby in question has started to want more independence,  and she got a stroller that faces her because her back was hurting from the carrying.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I read a bunch of (conflicting) stuff and ended up just playing it by ear. I didn't do "schedules". When they cried, I picked them up and figured out why. Duhr. They still got a chance to figure out "self-soothing" because sometimes you're tending to the other kid, in the middle of cooking and need to wash the jalapeno juice off your hands before handling a baby or just taking a shit, FFS. A minute is probably an eternity for a crying baby anyway.

[Suu]

My friend did the co-sleeping, she also did late lactation, which I personally find odd, but I don't judge her for it as I do not have children so my opinion is moot. She said when her kids were done, they were done. End of story. She said most of them finished nursing by 2 of 3.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nigel, what are your thoughts on attachment parenting?

I define it as simply "parenting".

I mean, to me, it's the only option.

Yep.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nigel, what are your thoughts on attachment parenting?

I define it as simply "parenting".

I mean, to me, it's the only option.

I agree.


Some disjointed thoughts:

I didn't realize that what I am doing was considered 'attachment parenting'; I just do what feels like the most intuitive way to parent.  If no one ever read a parenting book, everyone would be doing this.  Parents get a lot of pressure from people, doctors included, to force their babies to conform to a scheduled lifestyle of specific feeding times and doing whatever it takes to force them to sleep through the night on their own.  So many doctors do not know anything about the more recent research involving infants, and too few encourage and support breastfeeding. 

There should be more support for mothers.  In Canada a parent can usually get one year of paid maternity leave (around 60% of their salary).  I believe in the U.S. they only have three months?  I can't really blame a mother who has to be at a full-time job for seeking out help with sleep and feeding.  I wouldn't be surprised if the main intention behind most of these 'parenting solutions' is to get people back into the work force ASAP (and to sell a crap book).

This makes me sad, and I wonder how many millions of people have been/are being raised this way:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting/unconnected-child

Suppose parents, for fear of spoiling their baby or letting her manipulate them, restrain themselves from responding to her cries and develop a more distant, low-touch style of parenting. What happens then? The baby must either cry harder and more disturbingly to get her needs met or give up and withdraw. In either case, she finds that her caregiving world is not responsive. Eventually, since her cues are not responded to, she learns not to give cues. She senses something is missing in her life. She becomes angry and either outwardly hostile or withdrawn. In the first case, the baby is not very nice to be around, and parents find ways to avoid her. In the second case, the baby is harder to connect with, and again, parents and child enjoy each other less. Either way, this child will be difficult to discipline. She comes to believe that safety and security depend on no one but herself. Problems in relationships develop when a child grows up thinking she only has herself to trust in. Since the parents don't allow themselves to respond intuitively to their baby's cues, they become less sensitive and lose confidence in their parenting skills.

As the unconnected child gets older, much of his time is spent in misbehavior, and he is on the receiving end of constant reprimands; or he tunes out and seems to live in his own separate world. This child becomes known as sullen, a brat, a whiner, or a spoiled kid. These undesirable behaviors are really coping strategies the child uses in search of a connection. The unconnected child doesn't know how to regain a sense of well-being because he has no yardstick to measure attachment. He has difficulty finding a connection because he isn't sure what he lost.

Bring on the Ritalin.



Whenever 'attachment parents' are shown on TV they often seem a little crazy, and their parenting is portrayed in a negative light.  Somehow the label 'attachment parent' has been twisted to mean parents who are on the extreme side of it, ie. they're against the use of strollers and cribs, indefinite bed-sharing, long-term extended breastfeeding, etc.  Anyone I've met who calls themselves an attachment parent has these ideals.  None of these things are inherently bad, but I think some parents take it too far and think that meeting their child's needs means never saying "no." 

It is a little sad that co-sleeping is so discouraged.  I doubt any other mammals give birth and then make the baby sleep alone at the other end of the den.

In the US, parental leave is 12 weeks, does not have to be paid, and only one parent gets it.

And I also agree that the media only seems to fixate on the people who take it to an extreme, like co-sleeping until their kids are teenagers and nursing until they're ten.

I think that part of it is that as attachment parenting becomes the new normal, the people who have to be special snowflakes and do everything better than everyone else push the fringe farther and farther out. Oh, now it's normal (and WHO-recommended) to nurse  until two? I'll nurse until SIX.

All my kids were just over a year when they weaned, and it was a combination of them kind of losing interest (having other things to do and eat, getting tired, falling asleep without nursing, sleeping through the night) and me being ready  to have more freedom as a mom. So I wouldn't automatically nurse before bed, I would make them ask for it, and if they forgot, well... after a couple days my milk would dry up. The end.

They all slept in my bed for basically as long as I could stand to be kicked, or about two to three years. Then in a bed next to the bed, then in their own rooms. As long as they knew I was there for them, they were fine. And sometimes they would want to crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night if they woke up, just like all kids everywhere have done for ever.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

See, what "attachment parenting" means to me is you pay the kid all kinds of attention (note that this doesn't mean "no discipline", it just means you consider the kid(s) the priority).

You play with them, you sit and read with them, Sit with them when they do their homework (early on), and when they're into their teens, you include them in things, but leave lots of room for them to do what most teens want to do (which involves their friends a good chunk of the time).

In short, you get involved with your children.

[Suu]

That sounds like normal parenting, to me.