Now, now, I've heard the ruckus . . .

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

And I'm here to tell you that Everything is Okay.

Sure, things are quiet now. So quiet you can hear yourself thinking actual thoughts. Painful thoughts that make you twitch and writhe in agony over things you said and did so long ago no one cares but you. It's okay. It's okay. I'm here to let you know.

No one cared then, either.

Sure, it's quiet now. But you like it that way. Your heart rate is slower. Your polite, blindingly-white smile is wider. Because you use the right products. Because you do the right things. Because you're a nice person and you deserve a peaceful and tranquil life.

You know they've proven you'll live longer if you keep your heartrate sedate. No really.

And that means more time here. With us. In the quiet. Peaceful, peaceful quiet.

So sit down and stay awhile. Don't get upset.

Everything Is Okay.

. . . I'll have to come back to this. GTG.

[Richter]

Sure, it's quiet now. But you like it that way. Your heart rate is slower. Your polite, blindingly-white smile is wider. Because you use the right products. Because you do the right things. Because you're a nice person and you deserve a peaceful and tranquil life.

http://dark-funeral.tumblr.com/post/46764838351

[Doktor Howl]

Sometimes, at work, when the chaos ramps WAY up, it gets

QUIET

There's some weird form of Zen in there.  You know things AREN'T okay, but you don't care.  Doom is something that happens at a distance, sort of like how pain is when the morphine takes hold, you know?  Doc is talking to you, something about staying awake for a bit, and you laugh because the pain is WAY THE FUCK OVER THERE.

And that's the way it is when things get

QUIET

But then, without warning, the film speeds back up and all the noise comes back FULL BLAST, like when you get back in the car after driving all day, slowly turning the dial up on the radio with each good song that comes on.

I don't need the right products.  I just need my fix.  I am a filthy man, however, and not to be trusted.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Sure, it's quiet now. But you like it that way. Your heart rate is slower. Your polite, blindingly-white smile is wider. Because you use the right products. Because you do the right things. Because you're a nice person and you deserve a peaceful and tranquil life.

http://dark-funeral.tumblr.com/post/46764838351

This man's joy touches me in my private happy place.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Now before I was interrupted by an impromptu yardwork-raindance, I was delivering a very important message.

Everything Is Okay.

Just the way it is, which is good, because nothing will ever change. No matter what you do.

Do you believe me? Good. That's very good. I want you to know that I am pleased by your acceptance of this truth. Here's a coupon for $2 off your next 5 extra-large, 15 topping pizzas. Because you've earned it. Yes indeed.

Now there are those fancy talkers, those flim-flamming fakes, that will tell you to break the cycle! Rise up! Change, if only for your own sake - but preferrably to MAKE THOSE FUCKERS SCREAM!

But there's no need for that, is there? After all, everyone's getting along so well. Sure life has irritants, but that's part and parcel of the package. Just as nature intended. Why, even roses have thorns. So just sit back, relax, enjoy a beer with the spouse and offspring. Let me play you a song or roll a film to remind you how good you have it. How fortunate you are to be exactly where you are.

Because, you know, we could always make it worse for you.

Say it with me now.

Everything Is Okay!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Sure, it's quiet now. But you like it that way. Your heart rate is slower. Your polite, blindingly-white smile is wider. Because you use the right products. Because you do the right things. Because you're a nice person and you deserve a peaceful and tranquil life.

http://dark-funeral.tumblr.com/post/46764838351

Looks familiar.