NIGEL, DEAL WITH THESE GODDAMN HIPPIES.

[Doktor Howl]

http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683

In his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.


"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."

As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."

Okay, this is CRAP.  I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED.  I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a  "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.

I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right?  Also doesn't seem sustainable.  I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT.  Like OUTSIDE, maybe.  But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.

I hate people.  I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT.  Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.

[Ben Shapiro]

<3 Roger

Sometimes I just want to take a crowbar to Derrick's Femur and shatter it, and watch the whole HFT community rub olive oil, and garlic all over him.

I guess I'm just a dreamer.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Ten days? So when does Darwin show up? 

[Doktor Howl]

<3 Roger

Sometimes I just want to take a crowbar to Derrick's Femur and shatter it, and watch the whole HFT community rub olive oil, and garlic all over him.

I guess I'm just a dreamer.

Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, Bearman.

He'd have to eat lots of veggies, too.

[Ben Shapiro]

Cruelty free veggies right?

[Doktor Howl]

Cruelty free veggies right?

We did tell you about the pagans whimpering about people "traumatizing crystals", yeah?

[Ben Shapiro]

LOL

Something about this guy who could talk to grumpy Sapphires?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683

In his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.


"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."

As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."

Okay, this is CRAP.  I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED.  I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a  "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.

I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right?  Also doesn't seem sustainable.  I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT.  Like OUTSIDE, maybe.  But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.

I hate people.  I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT.  Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.

I gotta try to find the forum posts of the guy who almost died of a "master cleanse" last year. He kept posting asking what he should do as his body shut the fuck down after an epsom salt soak. Eventually someone was like DUDE CALL AN AMBULANCE.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Cruelty free veggies right?

We did tell you about the pagans whimpering about people "traumatizing crystals", yeah?

Gravel roads must break their fucking hearts.

[Doktor Howl]

http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683

In his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.


"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."

As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."

Okay, this is CRAP.  I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED.  I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a  "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.

I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right?  Also doesn't seem sustainable.  I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT.  Like OUTSIDE, maybe.  But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.

I hate people.  I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT.  Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.

I gotta try to find the forum posts of the guy who almost died of a "master cleanse" last year. He kept posting asking what he should do as his body shut the fuck down after an epsom salt soak. Eventually someone was like DUDE CALL AN AMBULANCE.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypermagnesemia

WELL DONE, MOONBEAM!

[Doktor Howl]

Cruelty free veggies right?

We did tell you about the pagans whimpering about people "traumatizing crystals", yeah?

Gravel roads must break their fucking hearts.

We just sank anchor bolts into bedrock this morning.  Great big bastards, 4" across, 40 feet straight down.

That will teach that uppity rock to talk back when we tell it what.

[P3nT4gR4m]

http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683

In his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.


"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."

As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."

Okay, this is CRAP.  I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED.  I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a  "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.

I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right?  Also doesn't seem sustainable.  I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT.  Like OUTSIDE, maybe.  But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.

I hate people.  I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT.  Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.

I gotta try to find the forum posts of the guy who almost died of a "master cleanse" last year. He kept posting asking what he should do as his body shut the fuck down after an epsom salt soak. Eventually someone was like DUDE CALL AN AMBULANCE.

What kind of sick bastard would tell someone like that to call an ambulance? That's what's fucking wrong with the world these days. surely anyone with a single shred of human decency would be telling him - Moar epson salts and get that shit on youtube 

[Left]

Alternate-day "fasting" (you eat 500-700 calories on a down day) seems to help with immune response.
It also strips weight off like nobody's business, and seems to be fairly safe for the majority of people...(Hypoglycemics or diabetics, probably not...)
I like it because it means I only have to be miserable every other day, instead of every day.

That master cleanse crap? a ten-day fast isn't safe.

[McGrupp]

Master cleanse is for amateurs. You have to go total breatharian in order to truly cleanse. Pranic Light or go home.

[Salty]

Master cleanse is for amateurs. You have to go total breatharian in order to truly cleanse. Pranic Light or go home.

Srsly.

The only people I've seen do this are women who happen to not have the constitution of a greyhound, and lament this state of being, but want to keep going out to the club.