Author Topic: Roger's Kitchen  (Read 6050 times)

Richter

  • Razor-Sharp Rattan Surgical Tool Sharpener™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 12196
  • Right Coast Deacon of Self-Contamination
    • View Profile
Roger's Kitchen
« on: September 18, 2013, 06:15:34 pm »
These instructions require appropriate physical plant.  A kitchen with stove top, oven, water supply, trash bucket, refrigerator, adequate cooking pots, pans, tools, etc, as specified in recipes.  If you don't have a specific item, like a spatula that's your problem. 
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

LMNO

  • Lubricated and Rabid Lungfish of Impending Sexdoom™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 62162
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2013, 06:21:18 pm »
Also: "making it BETTER" is widely discouraged.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90428
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2013, 06:28:32 pm »
Also: "making it BETTER" is widely discouraged.

 :sad:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90428
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2013, 06:29:10 pm »
These instructions require appropriate physical plant.  A kitchen with stove top, oven, water supply, trash bucket, refrigerator, adequate cooking pots, pans, tools, etc, as specified in recipes.  If you don't have a specific item, like a spatula that's your problem.

2 fire extinguishers (20#) are now permanently installed in the kitchen.

I IS READDAYYY
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

  • Lubricated and Rabid Lungfish of Impending Sexdoom™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 62162
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2013, 06:34:07 pm »
I worry about Roger and knives, due to the "missing chunk of ear" episode, but I'm afraid that can't be helped.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90428
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2013, 06:36:38 pm »
I worry about Roger and knives, due to the "missing chunk of ear" episode, but I'm afraid that can't be helped.

It's healing nicely.  I look like I've been in a fight with a rottweiler, but only a tiny bit of the ear is actually GONE.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Richter

  • Razor-Sharp Rattan Surgical Tool Sharpener™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 12196
  • Right Coast Deacon of Self-Contamination
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2013, 06:43:53 pm »
Fried eggs:

Equipment needed:
1 stove top pan 6 in. diameter or greater recommended, side walls of no more than 2 inches high. - cooking surface. 
(Material may be heavy stainless steel or properly seasoned cast-iron.)   

1 spatula - Food manipulation tool 
(Stainless steel construction recommended.  Plastic is prone to catastrophic failure, wood will degrade and is prone to rancidity from absorbed food.)   

1 plate - for finished egg product



Ingredients:

1 teaspoon cooking oil or butter  (cooking oil may be olive oil, canola oil, or more exotic varieties.

1 chicken egg (adjust amount of oil/butter for other species only once familiar with chicken egg size.)

Process:

1. Place pan on stove top. 

2. Activate heat under pan to medium intensity, place oil/butter into center of pan immediately.

NOTE - Each stove will be slightly different, each pan heats up at different rates.  Repeat cooking process to familiarize.

3.  Observe oil / butter with face at a safe distance (1foot or more).  When butter is melted completely, or oil has spread more freely (no more than 1 minute, depending on thickness of pan and intensity of the stove being used), proceed to step 4.

NOTE - Fire hazard - Do not remove attention from kitchen area with heat under oil.  Deactivate heat before leaving kitchen or diverting attention more than briefly.

4.  pick up egg, strike on edge of pan to produce ligth cracking in shell surface without entirely compromising structure.  Move egg over heated oil/butter.  Gently pull at shell to enlarge crack, allow egg to drop from shell onto oil/butter.  Discard shell.

NOTE - Biohazard - Raw egg may harbor disease.  Discard shell and rinse hands promptly.  Do not use un refrigerated or compromized food product.  Momentary diversion off attention to attend to this is acceptable, but resume attention on cooking pan immediately.

NOTE - Interruption by ninjas or meth heads may occur.  Deactivate heat on stove, and assault interlopers with the heated pan.  Discard egg, clean area and items, resume recipe from step 1.

5.  observe egg in pan.  When adequately cooked then entirely "White" of the egg will turn white. No clear substance form the white will remain.  (Around 5 minutes, most, on most medium heat settings.)  When clear portion of egg has completely whitened, remove from heat to plate.

NOTE - eggs may be flipped or yolk lacerated with spatula part way through depending on personal taste.  This fancy shit is yo problem.

6.  Deactivate heat under pan immediately.  Season Egg to taste (salt, pepper, hot sauce, etc.)

NOTE - cast iron will require special treatment - this will be addressed seperately

7.  Prepared egg will be hot, allow to cool for 1-3 minutes, then eat.

NOTE - fried egg may require fork, spoon, or other tool to eat.  Use your best judgement here.

NOTE - Beware of the leopard


Richter not responsible for ANYTHING done with these instructions.
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 90428
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2013, 06:45:21 pm »
 :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

  • Lubricated and Rabid Lungfish of Impending Sexdoom™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 62162
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2013, 06:48:50 pm »
Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

Fucking brilliant, Richter. :lol:

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • v=1/3πr2h
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 77637
  • The sky tastes like red exuberance.
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2013, 06:53:00 pm »
 :lulz:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


EK WAFFLR

  • A Fairy-Tale Princess Trapped in a Viking Manbear's Body
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3621
  • Nordic Freakshow Armada of Sexhurt™
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2013, 06:58:45 pm »
 :lulz:
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 5910
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2013, 08:29:50 pm »
OMG I LOVE THIS.

Cleaning like a madwoman today, I have some good potato recipes to add later though!

Cainad (dec.)

  • Houseplant Supreme
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10739
  • The Emperor's Hairy Right Hand
    • View Profile
    • Internet Forum Safari
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2013, 08:43:17 pm »
 :lulz: :mittens:

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

  • Turbo-Charged Holder of the Involuntary Vasectomy Land Speed Record
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 5454
  • Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2013, 09:37:38 pm »
This is awesome, Richter.  :lulz:
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Kai

  • A flea circus and
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 8910
  • Richard Feynman fangirl.
    • View Profile
Re: Roger's Kitchen
« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2013, 10:56:23 pm »
 :lulz: I'd say that no one could screw this up, but I know better.
If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
Chanticleer of the Holometabola Clade Church, Diptera Parish