Oh well. *Personal Shit*

[The Johnny]

I'd just suggest her not getting therapy with one of your friends, its technically not wrong, because your therapist friend is not treating you directly, but its really pushing the line.

Its kind of how doctors shouldnt treat their own family or friends, because its delicate problems where your personal relation shouldnt get in the way of the treatment.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Well, speaking for myself, I'd treat her like a semi-unwelcome roommate for three months at least, Alty. Draw a hard line and stick to it. Then reassess after that time. Any giving in, from my experience as a kid watching her parents do this tango and what results from giving in, will most likely be taken as signs of weakness and possibly tacit permission to resume unpleasantness if she's really 'round the bend.

[Salty]

I'd just suggest her not getting therapy with one of your friends, its technically not wrong, because your therapist friend is not treating you directly, but its really pushing the line.

Its kind of how doctors shouldnt treat their own family or friends, because its delicate problems where your personal relation shouldnt get in the way of the treatment.

Yes, I am aware it's not the best. Then again, I don't care who she finds help from.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

How am I supposed to act around her? I don't want to touch her. I don't want to hear her voice right now. I don't do in between very well. A month from now, assuming her quiet, shocked nods of "yes" will lead to a month of work on her part, do I watch a movie with her? I don't want to hang out with her until I can be reasonably certain it won't happen again.

But it will. It always does. Do I give in little by little? Or just clamp down haed for three months?

You don't have to want to be with or near her RIGHT NOW. But if you want things to work out, you will probably also need to learn to do some in-between stuff. Since you can't move out entirely, not seeing her is not an option, and treating her coldly will not be useful for the relationship. When you have recovered a bit from being upset, see if you can spend friendly time together. Keep your distance, for the most part, but try to remind her why she loves you and why you love her, and that will help her stay motivated to work on her issues.

[Eater of Clowns]

Sorry, Alty. You're a good cat. Since I think the advice in the thread has been solid, I'll just say I hope it works out for you, buddy.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

There's a lot I want to say here,
         but I'm just gonna zip it.

[Salty]

I do not wish to give the impression that I cannot handle opinions that I don't agree with.

Squid, what you already said, I'm not mad. You're right. There's nothing I've got to solidly argue against it. And yet, I can't end it unless im sure I've done everything I can.

It is not reasonable.

[Reginald Ret]

It is not reasonable.

Love will do that.
Good luck with all this, I hope things will have gotten better in 3 months.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

I do not wish to give the impression that I cannot handle opinions that I don't agree with.

Squid, what you already said, I'm not mad. You're right. There's nothing I've got to solidly argue against it. And yet, I can't end it unless im sure I've done everything I can.

It is not reasonable.

I understand what you're going through.
I also understand that you have to do whatever you can to salvage the relationship. That's admirable.
It just sucks to watch people hurt the same way I did.
I just hope you make it through and can be happy. I think you're pretty swell.

[Cramulus]

Alty, you rule and I'm really sorry to hear about trouble in your household.

I'm not sure that public shaming on facebook is a great way to handle these kinds of things, but you gotta do what you gotta do

A time-out / break seems like a good idea. That way you're able to get grounded outside of the emotional hurricane.

[Salty]

I am very sure publicly shaming my wife on FB is:
-Not the way I planned on spending my birthday.
-Not an attractive or desirable method for resolving family issues.
-Going to make for fun dinner conversation if I ever meet her family.
-Just not a great idea.

Preferable alternatives:
-Talking
-Yelling
-Breaking a bunch of shit in the house
-brining her to the front door of my abusive grandmother's house to demand my stolen childhood photos so my wife could see how much I hate that old fucker, so.my wife could see her potential future.
-Bargaining
-Pleading
-Threatened with divorce

All of which I've done.

You know what would have been best? A meeting with our community of family and friends, people who know, love, and care about us. Maybe one friend I could confide in, not on the internet, that I could vent to, get a different perspective from, someone who could help ke get away from this house for an hour at a time and forget just how lonely ive become with my mother and best friend gone.

That sure would have been great. Too bad.

So, to anyone who thinks my course of action here was unwise, please, what are your alternatives? From where I was sitting it was A) public shaming via stupid social meadia or B)Divorce.

[P3nT4gR4m]

So, to anyone who thinks my course of action here was unwise, please, what are your alternatives? From where I was sitting it was A) public shaming via stupid social meadia or B)Divorce.

I'm a cut to the chase kind of guy. Option B. You sound like you don't wanna get divorced for whatever reasons. My advice is generally considered to be shitty so I aint going to give any. Hope it works out for ya.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have no useful advice.

Except that you are correct to be upset, and that nobody should stand for abusive behavior in a relationship.  It's not you being unreasonable or unaccomodating.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I laid it all out to my wife.

I was planning on using those tickets from July to go to Yakima and then Hawaii, beginning of November. After careful consideration, I alone will go to PDX and Hawaii.

Come to Tucson again, you horrid little man.  We'll straighten you out pronto.

Besides, I want to shove your head in the 3d scanner, so I can have a resin bust of Altyrage.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

that's the thing about abusive dynamics. they pretty much survive and thrive on silence. Alty wants to see if it can be fixt, and has set conditions and boundaries to see if it's worth a damn trying to sort it out.

27 years after my parents split, my dad still will not acknowledge his shitty violent behaviour towards my mum.

Neither action of divorce or shaming Mrs Alty into sorting their shit out was going to be fun or pretty. The core thing we need to do is support Alty.

Hope you are doing better btw, dude.