Oh well. *Personal Shit*

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

that's the thing about abusive dynamics. they pretty much survive and thrive on silence. Alty wants to see if it can be fixt, and has set conditions and boundaries to see if it's worth a damn trying to sort it out.

27 years after my parents split, my dad still will not acknowledge his shitty violent behaviour towards my mum.

Neither action of divorce or shaming Mrs Alty into sorting their shit out was going to be fun or pretty. The core thing we need to do is support Alty.

Hope you are doing better btw, dude.

[Cramulus]

For real, man. I don't know how much help I can be from across the net sea but your situation is shitty and we're here for you. Feel free to vent moar, whatever it takes, man.

[Salty]

I really appreciate it.

I'm better than I was. I've gotten real angry about all of this, and there's nothing to hide behins anymore. Every time in the past i just pushed it down in the hope that the good parts, the wonderful parts of this person would win out.

I feel embarrassed about most of this, TBH.

She is putting in effort to gain some control over herself, this new set of boundaries appears to be effective. Certainly, all of this has had some kind of impact. She's trying differenylt ways to keep her emotions from overwhelming her, which is what appears to lead her toward this behavior. Insecurity, fear, lack of self worth, this is what drives her to lash out.

I feel like anything I say in her favor is me rationalizing, like her being otherwise amazing is some kind of mitigating fact. But somewhere in there is my hope. There IS an amazing person there, it's just entwined with another sort of person, and that one is a lot more present than I wanted to admit.

At the very least, the cycle which has dominated the relationship and given me ulcers is gone, broken up. No more eggshells.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I really appreciate it.

I'm better than I was. I've gotten real angry about all of this, and there's nothing to hide behins anymore. Every time in the past i just pushed it down in the hope that the good parts, the wonderful parts of this person would win out.

I feel embarrassed about most of this, TBH.

She is putting in effort to gain some control over herself, this new set of boundaries appears to be effective. Certainly, all of this has had some kind of impact. She's trying differenylt ways to keep her emotions from overwhelming her, which is what appears to lead her toward this behavior. Insecurity, fear, lack of self worth, this is what drives her to lash out.

I feel like anything I say in her favor is me rationalizing, like her being otherwise amazing is some kind of mitigating fact. But somewhere in there is my hope. There IS an amazing person there, it's just entwined with another sort of person, and that one is a lot more present than I wanted to admit.

At the very least, the cycle which has dominated the relationship and given me ulcers is gone, broken up. No more eggshells.

That's progress. Just be prepared to be vigilant, and if she fucks up even once, walk away. It's harsh but it's the only way to keep her from sliding back into "it's OK to treat him like this".

[Salty]

I'm partly just waiting for that, partly hoping it happens, just so I can be done and get on with my life. Sooner would be better than later.

I've already looked up the process.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm partly just waiting for that, partly hoping it happens, just so I can be done and get on with my life. Sooner would be better than later.

I've already looked up the process.

Good, you're ready. I hope it goes the other way, but if it doesn't at least you're prepared.

Quite honestly it's possible that she needs a couple of years alone dealing with her shit and getting her head on right before she's ready for a marriage. I did. Of course, I then ended up in a crazy relationship with a crazy person once I did get my shit together, and then I lost it and had to start over again from a different angle.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Discordians make great divorcees.







(I'm allowed to say this, I'm part of the club)

[Salty]

 

I was so careful for so long in an effort to never, ever be divorced. I should have stuck to my gut instinct and never married anyone ever.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I was so careful for so long in an effort to never, ever be divorced. I should have stuck to my gut instinct and never married anyone ever.

Whatever happens here, don't make decisions based on fear. Don't leave because you're afraid things could maybe turn worse, but don't stay because you're afraid of being divorced or alone.

And thank you for being loud about the problem. I think the culture of shame around abusive relationships where the woman is the aggressor contributes to a lot of shit, and just speaking up is huge for starting to change things for the better.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Glad to see there is an improvement and that you are feeling better, dude.

[Salty]

Thanks!

There was some trouble last night when craft night had not been cancelled. A bunch of people that didn't know what was going on, laughing and having a great time.

I did not lose my shit. I did make everyone VERY uncomfortable, but I do that all the time anyway. The trick is not feeling justified about being furious at every little thing. There's only one very specific behavior that is a problem, the rest is just life. It's hard to sort through sometimes.

As for this stigma of men admitting to this sort of thing, I can't say that's been a concern for me. I could give a damn, really. What bothers me is a bunch of people assuming I'm being a dick for no reason, that my shitty mood is because I'm a moody person. Which, I am. You know.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I really appreciate it.

I'm better than I was. I've gotten real angry about all of this, and there's nothing to hide behins anymore. Every time in the past i just pushed it down in the hope that the good parts, the wonderful parts of this person would win out.

I feel embarrassed about most of this, TBH.

She is putting in effort to gain some control over herself, this new set of boundaries appears to be effective. Certainly, all of this has had some kind of impact. She's trying differenylt ways to keep her emotions from overwhelming her, which is what appears to lead her toward this behavior. Insecurity, fear, lack of self worth, this is what drives her to lash out.

I feel like anything I say in her favor is me rationalizing, like her being otherwise amazing is some kind of mitigating fact. But somewhere in there is my hope. There IS an amazing person there, it's just entwined with another sort of person, and that one is a lot more present than I wanted to admit.

At the very least, the cycle which has dominated the relationship and given me ulcers is gone, broken up. No more eggshells.

Dude, I can relate. She sounds very like me, in another timezone. I got over the shit and turned into this fucker I am just now. Took a while and fuck if I know how I decided to do it but, yeah, I was your missus

[Salty]

Well, what with QUANTUMZ, reincarnation, and the second law of thermodynamics, whose to say you aren't?

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I'm glad to hear things are better than they were and that you've got a game plan in place, Alty. No more ulcers is good. No more eggshells is good.