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DOUR's New-Style Discordianism in Which Everything Ever is Explained.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, October 18, 2013, 07:44:55 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

October 18, 2013, 07:44:55 PM
Friends, I know that life can get you down sometimes.

Did you ever wonder why everyone you meet seems like an idiot?  Odd, isn't it? Especially when you know for a fact that you're an idiot yourself.  How do you learn to tolerate people who are EVEN STUPIDER than YOU?

Why is the world in such a mess?  Is there any hope for mankind?  Were we put here for a purpose, and if so, are we already running way behind schedule?  Does anything matter, and so what if it does?

If you're plagued with questions, I'm here to help.  What I have here will answer anything you ever wanted to know, relieve your doubts, and give your life new meaning.  All of life's mysteries will become crystal clear, thanks to...Oh, crap, what did I do with that thing?

Swear to Christ, it was RIGHT HERE.  Damn.  Maybe it's still in the car.

Let me get back to you on this.  Damn.


" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#1
October 18, 2013, 07:46:57 PM
Let us know when you find it.  I have questions.  About things.



So many things.

Demolition Squid

#2
October 18, 2013, 07:49:45 PM
How the HELL did you manage to misplace five tons of flax?!
Vast and Roaring Nipplebeast from the Dawn of Soho

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
October 18, 2013, 07:55:05 PM
Quote from: Demolition Squid on October 18, 2013, 07:49:45 PM
How the HELL did you manage to misplace five tons of flax?!

I don't know.  I was just trying to explain.  I was just trying to get my monkey on.  It was one of those parties that sort of got out of hand, and then I dropped everything because I heard the horrible noise of Nigel's dick in my ass.  You know, that noise that tells you that you have maybe 3 seconds before the pain hits.  Of course YOU know, Nigel has her dick in everyone's ass.  It's why she replicated herself in the first fucking place.

And isn't that what America is all about, when you come right down to it?  And aren't YOU, in Britain, really just part of America?  The part with the fog and the bad food (no, not San Francisco)?  Sure, you have a queen and all that, but she has Nigel's dick up her ass, too.

There.  You see that brain-damaged shit?  That's what happens when you let DOUR get bored all fucking day.  Dicks up asses, the queen squirming around on the throne like she's been ferret-legging again, and now you're part of America.

Well fucking done, my son.  Well fucking done.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
October 18, 2013, 08:03:38 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 18, 2013, 07:46:57 PM
Let us know when you find it.  I have questions.  About things.



So many things.

Well, let's hear 'em.  I found the fucking thing, but I left it out in the car in the sun, so results may vary.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#5
October 18, 2013, 08:14:51 PM
Does this look infected?

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
October 18, 2013, 08:17:28 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 18, 2013, 08:14:51 PM
Does this look infected?

I've warned you about that.  Quit picking at it, for fuck's sake.  If you leave it be, the damn thing will fall off on its own in a couple of weeks.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#7
October 18, 2013, 08:20:54 PM
But it followed me home!  Finders keepers!

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
October 18, 2013, 08:22:33 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 18, 2013, 08:20:54 PM
But it followed me home!  Finders keepers!

Well, I'm not gonna ARGUE with ya about it.  You asked if it looked infected.  Yes, it looks infected, and I have to say that's a pretty straaaaaange place to let the damn thing attach itself, even if it DOES have anesthetic saliva.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#9
October 18, 2013, 08:24:54 PM
I can't help it.  I was born this way.

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
October 18, 2013, 08:35:24 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 18, 2013, 08:24:54 PM
I can't help it.  I was born this way.

Well, except for Nigel's dick up your ass.  That happened later.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Demolition Squid

#11
October 18, 2013, 08:37:14 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 18, 2013, 07:55:05 PM
Quote from: Demolition Squid on October 18, 2013, 07:49:45 PM
How the HELL did you manage to misplace five tons of flax?!

I don't know.  I was just trying to explain.  I was just trying to get my monkey on.  It was one of those parties that sort of got out of hand, and then I dropped everything because I heard the horrible noise of Nigel's dick in my ass.  You know, that noise that tells you that you have maybe 3 seconds before the pain hits.  Of course YOU know, Nigel has her dick in everyone's ass.  It's why she replicated herself in the first fucking place.

And isn't that what America is all about, when you come right down to it?  And aren't YOU, in Britain, really just part of America?  The part with the fog and the bad food (no, not San Francisco)?  Sure, you have a queen and all that, but she has Nigel's dick up her ass, too.

There.  You see that brain-damaged shit?  That's what happens when you let DOUR get bored all fucking day.  Dicks up asses, the queen squirming around on the throne like she's been ferret-legging again, and now you're part of America.

Well fucking done, my son.  Well fucking done.

I know, man, I know.

I had the very same thing at work today. Trying to keep my head down, just zone out, then BAM, Nigel's there.

It happens with the bosses, too. Nobody ever SEES her, of course. But, you don't need to. You're trying to give some old lady her tea, and suddenly her eyes are crossing and she's making a sound like a chihuahua with its tail caught in the panini press. 'Would you like me to take that over for you, Ma'am?' Because dear god, maybe if I keep moving she won't--

-- And when you get home, and you just want to collapse because you've been on your feet all damn day and Nigel won't even cuddle when she's done, you turn on the TeeVee to help you zone out, and there she is. Queen, BAM! Prime Minister, BAM! President, BAM! All with that horrified, eyes crossed, wiggling and squirming look which tells you Nigel's hard at work.

So. I have to ask the question, DOUR.

Won't somebody do something? Won't SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!
Vast and Roaring Nipplebeast from the Dawn of Soho

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
October 18, 2013, 08:46:08 PM
Quote from: Demolition Squid on October 18, 2013, 08:37:14 PM
I know, man, I know.

I had the very same thing at work today. Trying to keep my head down, just zone out, then BAM, Nigel's there.

It happens with the bosses, too. Nobody ever SEES her, of course. But, you don't need to. You're trying to give some old lady her tea, and suddenly her eyes are crossing and she's making a sound like a chihuahua with its tail caught in the panini press. 'Would you like me to take that over for you, Ma'am?' Because dear god, maybe if I keep moving she won't--

-- And when you get home, and you just want to collapse because you've been on your feet all damn day and Nigel won't even cuddle when she's done, you turn on the TeeVee to help you zone out, and there she is. Queen, BAM! Prime Minister, BAM! President, BAM! All with that horrified, eyes crossed, wiggling and squirming look which tells you Nigel's hard at work.

So. I have to ask the question, DOUR.

Won't somebody do something? Won't SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

Back in the day, Reagan was giving that speech right after the shuttle exploded, and right when he gets to Peggy Noonan's best part, the "slipped the surly bonds of Earth" his eyes got as big as tea saucers and he let out this long, low keening noise.

That's when I knew that nobody's ass was safe.  I thought about jamming a cork up my ass, but I figured she'd just jam it up past my friggin' prostate and it would get lost up there.  And God knows I didn't want to be shitting cork flakes for 6 fucking months.

Even Pat Robertson got it.  He was on the 700 Club, explaining why Jesus needed us to send more money to the ministry, when suddenly:



BAM!  VIOLATED!

He was never the same again.  He's worn that stupid smile ever since, like he learned a secret but doesn't want to say it out loud.

And Nigel thinks of the children, DS.  She doesn't give anyone "the hammer" until they are of legal age.  It's one of the things that happens when you turn 18...You have to register for conscription, you have to file your own taxes, and you get Nigel's throbbing member up your colon.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Ben Shapiro

#13
October 18, 2013, 09:23:26 PM
Everyday after the gym my head feels dizzy. I tried running head first into a wall blasting earth wind and fire. But nothing happens.

Pere Ubu

#14
October 18, 2013, 09:23:55 PM
So THAT'S why I'm sitting funny.
If you meet Eris on the road, YOU WERE PROBABLY HOLDING THE MAP UPSIDE DOWN, DUMBASS.

Grand Episkopos and Lord High Executioner of The Temple Of The Screaming Finger
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