To my nosey ass hipster neighbors:

[Suu]

Look, if you don't want to see my pasty white ass in my spankies when I'm home, then close your blinds all the time. I leave my windows pretty damn closed with the exception of the kitchen and bathroom because I have plants on the sills that are entitled to their right to sunlight. If you happen to be glancing across the 5ft span we have between our tenements when my naked ass is on the throne, that is not my problem. I thought we resolved this the day I was in my studio in the old unit where I sewed in nothing but boyshorts and my Royal Guard helmet. Apparently, you haven't gotten the hint: I hate pants, I wear primarily Victoria's Secret, and I weigh myself at 7am on Fridays.

Yes, it's getting colder now, and I will be seen wearing pants more often, but I cannot guarantee that you aren't going to catch a glimpse of my translucent gams when I get in the shower or bath because you STARE AND POINT THAT YOU SEE ME THROUGH THE 4 INCHES OF SPACE I HAVE BETWEEN MY BLINDS AND SILL, and then close your blinds as fast as you can before I "see" you.

I see all, amateurs. Don't be surprised if bills for my "services" start showing up in your mailbox. I don't get naked for just anybody these days, damnit. The market is tight and the economy is shit. Thanks to free enterprise, I should be able to charge you for my performances. Not everyone in the world is graced with my howling on the toilet while trying to pass rocks out of my seering urethra. Some people will pay big money for this, but clearly you are not, and this is a problem.

Please anticipate the bill to be delivered within the next 24-48 hours.

Smashingly nekkid, except for right now, because it's chilly,

Suu.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I assume people like that are lonely. 

So I dance for them! 

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

You should put a sticker on the bathroom window to this effect

[Eater of Clowns]

In the summer, at night, the people across the street can see directly into my living room. So when I make the sweet body music with my dear girlfriend, rather than showing them her glorious form, I make sure to bend over and give them a good look into my hairy brown eye, just in case.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

In the summer, at night, the people across the street can see directly into my living room. So when I make the sweet body music with my dear girlfriend, rather than showing them her glorious form, I make sure to bend over and give them a good look into my hairy brown eye, just in case.

I wish I could do that.  I mean, they get the hair, but there's too much hair for them to get the rest.

[Ben Shapiro]

LOL wear a Athena outfit next time!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

LOL wear a Athena outfit next time!

Okay.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Or a g-string. That's where the money is. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Or a g-string. That's where the money is. 

Well, I suppose I could make one out of an old V-belt.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

 

This has to happen.

[Suu]

I assume people like that are lonely. 

So I dance for them! 

This makes me want to put a stripper pole in my living room, since it's a clear shot from the kitchen window.

[Eater of Clowns]

In the summer, at night, the people across the street can see directly into my living room. So when I make the sweet body music with my dear girlfriend, rather than showing them her glorious form, I make sure to bend over and give them a good look into my hairy brown eye, just in case.

I wish I could do that.  I mean, they get the hair, but there's too much hair for them to get the rest.

Yeah, that's unfortunate. For the full effect, you really need that faint glimpse of pale, quivering mass underneath. A flesh undulating and hidden beneath that tangle of scraggley, furious hair. It reflects the moonlight and there, peeking from within, the nightmare of dank knot. An exit from a world of woes, a hellish portal created seemingly for malevolence alone. And beyond that, just shy of a furiously flapping scrotum bedecked in more wirey insulation, a plane of skin that has never seen a happy day and never will.

And then, just briefly, in the fraction of a second betweeen the spectacle catching your eye and the wracking shudder that follows, you know that taint all to well. For that moment, you are the taint. Then you are changed forever.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

In the summer, at night, the people across the street can see directly into my living room. So when I make the sweet body music with my dear girlfriend, rather than showing them her glorious form, I make sure to bend over and give them a good look into my hairy brown eye, just in case.

I wish I could do that.  I mean, they get the hair, but there's too much hair for them to get the rest.

Yeah, that's unfortunate. For the full effect, you really need that faint glimpse of pale, quivering mass underneath. A flesh undulating and hidden beneath that tangle of scraggley, furious hair. It reflects the moonlight and there, peeking from within, the nightmare of dank knot. An exit from a world of woes, a hellish portal created seemingly for malevolence alone. And beyond that, just shy of a furiously flapping scrotum bedecked in more wirey insulation, a plane of skin that has never seen a happy day and never will.

And then, just briefly, in the fraction of a second betweeen the spectacle catching your eye and the wracking shudder that follows, you know that taint all to well. For that moment, you are the taint. Then you are changed forever.

I don't feel very pretty right now.   

[Eater of Clowns]

In the summer, at night, the people across the street can see directly into my living room. So when I make the sweet body music with my dear girlfriend, rather than showing them her glorious form, I make sure to bend over and give them a good look into my hairy brown eye, just in case.

I wish I could do that.  I mean, they get the hair, but there's too much hair for them to get the rest.

Yeah, that's unfortunate. For the full effect, you really need that faint glimpse of pale, quivering mass underneath. A flesh undulating and hidden beneath that tangle of scraggley, furious hair. It reflects the moonlight and there, peeking from within, the nightmare of dank knot. An exit from a world of woes, a hellish portal created seemingly for malevolence alone. And beyond that, just shy of a furiously flapping scrotum bedecked in more wirey insulation, a plane of skin that has never seen a happy day and never will.

And then, just briefly, in the fraction of a second betweeen the spectacle catching your eye and the wracking shudder that follows, you know that taint all to well. For that moment, you are the taint. Then you are changed forever.

I don't feel very pretty right now.   

Hush.

You are beautiful.   

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

LOL wear a Athena outfit next time!

Okay.

Best ever.