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PI With Malice Aforethought: The Paesors

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, October 24, 2013, 03:12:48 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

#15
October 24, 2013, 05:30:55 PM Last Edit: October 24, 2013, 08:15:09 PM by Dirty Old Uncle Roger
Part 4

Subsequent events are hazy.  I remember a few things, but they are distorted and possibly just hallucinations.  I remember Signora Paesor extracting the nails from Miguel's feet.

"Do my dance", she told him, "Do my favorite."

Miguel looked at her.  He whimpered.  Then he leapt out the window to his death.

"Shit", Signora Paesor said, "It is SO hard to find good help, these days."

shuffle

Throwing up out the window.  Senor Paesor drives up in the jeep below.  A chain is dragging from the rear end of the vehicle.  Attached to the chain is a human leg, badly abraded.

"See, Padre?  I have renegotiated my lease for the club!  BAHAHAHAHA!"

Uncontrollable vomiting.

shuffle

Signora Paesor is singing Abba's Does Your Mother Know, while a large crowd of terrified club-goers try to dance like the kids in the video for that song.  Some can't do it right.  There is gunfire.

shuffle

I am lying on the floor, laughing.  Signor Paesor is going through my wallet.  "What is this?  A request for an exit visa?  No, no, Padre, you must stay and be our friend.  Our special friend."  His wife is laughing, a rising laugh that sounds like bats and forgotten attic spaces.  Signor Paesor tears up my passport.  I laugh, for some odd reason thinking that I should be screaming in horror.  I laugh some more.

shuffle

I wake up late in the morning.  Everything hurts.  My head feels like someone's been using it for a bass drum.  My clothes are spattered in blood...But I am not wounded.  What the hell happened?  What's going on?

I look around, and I am the only person in the office.  Well, the only living person.  Someone has dragged Miguel up from the street and nailed him back to the floor.

I go to get up, to flee.

The door is locked.

(To be continued.)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#16
October 24, 2013, 05:40:35 PM
Insert my usual comment about what it must be like in your brain.

The Good Reverend Roger

#17
October 24, 2013, 05:47:41 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 24, 2013, 05:40:35 PM
Insert my usual comment about what it must be like in your brain.

Check out the last entry in Who's Who if you need a better description.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Kai

#18
October 24, 2013, 06:11:44 PM
Holy crap, man. You weren't kidding about "malice aforethought".  :eek:
If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
Chanticleer of the Holometabola Clade Church, Diptera Parish

The Good Reverend Roger

#19
October 24, 2013, 06:22:13 PM
Quote from: Kai on October 24, 2013, 06:11:44 PM
Holy crap, man. You weren't kidding about "malice aforethought".  :eek:

See thread with similar name discussing Queen Gogira.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#20
October 24, 2013, 06:57:12 PM
All that "New Zealand is where Xena: Warrior Princess and the Hobbits live!" is pure bullshit. BULLSHIT. *sobbing* Mommy, I want to go home!
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#21
October 25, 2013, 12:08:24 AM
Sweet merciful fuck. :eek: This makes my nightmares look like fucking daydreams.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#22
October 25, 2013, 12:10:04 AM
Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on October 25, 2013, 12:08:24 AM
Sweet merciful fuck. :eek: This makes my nightmares look like fucking daydreams.

Things are getting a little disconnected around here.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#23
October 25, 2013, 12:33:30 AM
Part 5

Days went by.  Weeks.  Every night was a horrible train wreck of drugs and violence.  I began to wonder when the supply of clubbers would begin to run out...And where all the corpses went.  All through it, I heard Senor Paesor laughing that braying laugh of his.  Senora Paesor would alternately hang on his arm or call him a pig and throw knives at him.

I wanted to run, but where would I go?  The American embassy was a long-abandoned shell, the police were in fact terrified of the Paesors, and I couldn't even get on a ship without an exit visa.  For God's sake, I couldn't even remember why I went to New Zealand in the first place...

...I had been invited.  Something about a meet up for a joke religion I belonged to.  A website that I spent a lot of time at.  I was told of the fun club scene in Christchurch, of the beautiful scenery.  I had some money and time on my hands, so why not?  I was a fool.  Even the briefest google search of New Zealand would have made me stay away.  It was a 3rd world horrorshow, a cross between the worst parts of Jamaica and the movie Road Warrior.  Even the cars, the few that ran, were armored.

I had to escape, but I was afraid that if I tried, the Paesor's horrible camraderie would turn into something else entirely, and I would become just another stack of bones in whatever charnel heap people wound up in here.

So I lost myself in drink.  Specifically, Senora Paesor's hallucinagenic-laced bourbon.  Three more "Miguels" came and...went.  At least three.  I dimly remember at one point, at lunch time, Senor Paesor asking me if I liked my pork sandwich.  I said that I did.  He said Miguel would be grateful.  I threw up for three hours, the Paesor's laughter ringing in my ears every time I heaved.

But the next time it happened, I just shrugged and kept eating.  I was tired.  So tired.  I hadn't had any real sleep in weeks, and nothing seemed to matter, nothing could break through the fog of exhaustion and self-disgust that I felt.  Or so I thought.

That was damned optimistic of me, in hindsight.

Because the next week was the Christchurch "Applaud" Arts Festival.

And that's when I learned what horror really was.

(to be continued)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Pæs

#24
October 25, 2013, 02:17:49 AM
Oh god this is my favourite thread. I will go and drink my bourbon and when I find a laptop instead of my phone I will return.

The Good Reverend Roger

#25
October 25, 2013, 02:19:02 AM
Quote from: Pæs on October 25, 2013, 02:17:49 AM
Oh god this is my favourite thread. I will go and drink my bourbon and when I find a laptop instead of my phone I will return.

I thought of the ending, and took the day off from it because I gave myself the crawlies.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Richter

#26
October 25, 2013, 02:23:04 AM
DAMN.   :lulz:

"Lithuanian TRactor pron"?  Holy hell, why did I not spout that!
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

#27
October 25, 2013, 02:24:07 AM
Quote from: Richter on October 25, 2013, 02:23:04 AM
DAMN.   :lulz:

"Lithuanian TRactor pron"?  Holy hell, why did I not spout that!

You'll think of something even weirder.  I know you.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Signora Pæsior

#28
October 25, 2013, 05:57:01 AM
I read this at work.

"It can't be that bad," I thought.

"Roger wouldn't do that to us," I thought.

PD, I thought wrong. And I am ashamed.

And a little aroused.
Petrochemical Pheremone Buzzard of the Poisoned Water Hole

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#29
October 25, 2013, 07:01:20 AM
I can't seem to stop shuddering.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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