Nigel, LMNO, Twid, yo.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

This is fucking amazing.

[LMNO]

Oh lord, that piece of corn.


Reading more about depression, I'm pretty sure I was mis-diagnosed through a good chunk of my 20s.

I thought it was sociopathy for a while, or "cold logic", but considering my family history, it could well have been mild depression.

Interestingly enough, it was Discordia that helped me through in those years.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh lord, that piece of corn.


Reading more about depression, I'm pretty sure I was mis-diagnosed through a good chunk of my 20s.

I thought it was sociopathy for a while, or "cold logic", but considering my family history, it could well have been mild depression.

Interestingly enough, it was Discordia that helped me through in those years.

Outside of insomia, I never had that kind of depression.  Mine was more teenage "EVERYTHING SUCKS", which is pretty much miles and miles better than "EVERYTHING IS NOTHING".

[LMNO]

I was nowhere near as bad as what was described there. But that emptiness... That LACK. It struck a chord.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Only hyperbole and a half can make depression fucking hilarious. Totally spot on, too. The few times I've sailed the closest to suicide, what really surprised me was it wasn't an emotional decision. There was no emotion involved. Whatsoever. I just couldn't justify to myself hanging around for another few years of pointless void

[Payne]

Same here. I always felt that whatever "sound" I was making (whatever effect I was having around me - socially mostly) was much like the sound an empty vase makes when you ping it.

It was like smashing it might be more significant, and have some meaning even though I rationally knew it was a terrible meaning.

I often struggle with that hollowed out feeling still.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Love that comic. The depression one is particularly apt. Her book just came out recently, too, I believe. I need to check it out.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh I know I know I KNOW that one is kind of my favorite and it made me cry and cry and cry. That CORN.

I have only been really, actually depressed once in my life. I've had anxiety and anger and horrible heartbreak and despair and sorrow, but depression, only once. And it was the worst thing ever, because I didn't feel anything and I didn't care about anything. That was summer and fall of 2011. That was also the most scared I think I've ever been, but not in a normal "fear" way, but in a "what if this is the rest of my life?" way? In a "God I hope I don't live a long time, this is awful" way. I went back to therapy for a while and that didn't help with the depression, but it helped with some unresolved fear-of-abandonment issues. And I decided to completely turn my life on its head and do something new, because the old things that used to make me happy weren't working anymore.

I'm not back to 100%, to tell the truth. But I've never been so happy to be happy to be alive.

[hooplala]

I totally know that hollow inside feeling.  It's an unpleasant sensation. It's strange because like LMNO there was a while in my 20s where I was convinced I was a sociopath, but I started to slowly realize that half the time I have a surplus of emotions, and the other half is hollow. Sometimes simultaneously, if you can believe that.

Eventually I just came to accept that this is how I am.  Not sure what I would do if only the hollowness prevailed.

[Reginald Ret]

Not sure what I would do if only the hollowness prevailed.

Well, you could use the lack of emotion to do the things you usually are afraid to do. Depression can be used against anxiety issues. Turn a weakness into a strength. Weaponize your psychopathology.

Oh, uhm don't make yourself depressed to do this, that would be impressively stupid. The cure is often worse than the disease. Don't fight fire with fire indoors.

[LMNO]

I can't tell if that's the best idea I've heard, or the absolute worst.

[Reginald Ret]

I can't tell if that's the best idea I've heard, or the absolute worst.

I actually did that once and it helped me get out of the rut i was in. I didn't care about anything so I managed to prepare a meal for some friends. You would think this is not scary or hard, but it was for me. Especially since 3 out of the 4 friends were professional cooks and my selfesteem was even lower then.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I used my complete lack of fear or trepidation about the future to pull everything for sale off my website, fill out forms for food stamps and financial aid, and go back to college to do things I didn't know anything about, something that had always felt overwhelming and risky compared to the nice safe rut of making beads forever and ever, something I am very good at.

I was like, well, whatever, as long as I don't give a fuck I might as well do something I always wanted to to back when I still cared about things. Obviously what I'm doing right now isn't working for me so whatever, switch it up.

I would like to someday fall in love again, and at times I miss the crazy passionate intense person I used to be, but for now I'm pretty happy with just being OK and knowing I'm accomplishing things.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh yeah I don't know if I've ever mentioned that I'm an OCD perfectionist control freak. Depression lessened my fear of doing things wrong, and allowed me to half-ass shit for the first time in my life. It's very freeing. Fuck it, I say, if I did that wrong somebody will catch it and walk me through it. My pride doesn't have to prevent me from doing things anymore just because I don't have time to make sure they're perfect. Perfectionism is really not always the asset it sounds like it would be, particularly as a student; it can be crippling. In my experience, half-assing an extra credit project and getting it in on time is better than agonizing over it and never turning it in at all.

Also, I was pretty sure that I was going to die if I didn't stop doing what I was doing, which was drinking all the time and not actually accomplishing a fucking thing.

[hooplala]

Not sure what I would do if only the hollowness prevailed.

Well, you could use the lack of emotion to do the things you usually are afraid to do. Depression can be used against anxiety issues. Turn a weakness into a strength. Weaponize your psychopathology.

Oh, uhm don't make yourself depressed to do this, that would be impressively stupid. The cure is often worse than the disease. Don't fight fire with fire indoors.

You just blew my mind.