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FIRST CHRISTMAS SONG OF THE SEASON: THAT GODDAMN HARD ROCK CANDY CHRISTMAS.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, November 26, 2013, 02:32:13 AM

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The Good Reverend Roger

NO SHIT.  IT WAS.  THE FIRST.  ONE.

Fuck the annoying Goddamn Christmas music. Fuck the congestion at the store, the fake-ass cheer on everyone's face, the snarling bastards in the parking lot. And fuck all the vendors who send me Goddamn Christmas cards at work. I hate you all, you ought to know that, so why are you sending me some sappy fucking card? You know what's going to happen. I am going to wipe my arse with it, and then I'll have an irritated arse and I'll be an even BIGGER JERK when you call on the phone.

To hell with the "holiday spirit". I haven't got any. I just have this blistering bag of hatred and contempt for people who put tacky shit all over their house and yard to show that they've managed to keep breathing for one more miserable, pathetic year.

And FUCK YOU, 94.9 FM! From Thanksgiving evening until the New Year, I will not hear my generation's music. No. I will be listening to Goddamn Bing Crosby and that fucking ditz Dolly Parton and her saccharine Hard Rock Candy Christmas until I fucking snap and drive the jeep down the sidewalk. Don't say I didn't warn you.

On the other hand, my generation's music sucked monkey balls. But still.

And a GREAT BIG FUCK YOU to relatives whom I hate, and who hate me. DON'T FUCKING CALL ME JUST BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS. If you feel you MUST, then don't be all shocked and butthurt when I treat you the way we always treat each other. Ebeneezer Scrooge was a Goddamn pantywaist liberal, to my yuletide eyes.

Do your part, America. Pimp slap a Salvation Army Santa today.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
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"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 26, 2013, 02:32:13 AM
NO SHIT.  IT WAS.  THE FIRST.  ONE.

Fuck the annoying Goddamn Christmas music. Fuck the congestion at the store, the fake-ass cheer on everyone's face, the snarling bastards in the parking lot. And fuck all the vendors who send me Goddamn Christmas cards at work. I hate you all, you ought to know that, so why are you sending me some sappy fucking card? You know what's going to happen. I am going to wipe my arse with it, and then I'll have an irritated arse and I'll be an even BIGGER JERK when you call on the phone.

To hell with the "holiday spirit". I haven't got any. I just have this blistering bag of hatred and contempt for people who put tacky shit all over their house and yard to show that they've managed to keep breathing for one more miserable, pathetic year.

And FUCK YOU, 94.9 FM! From Thanksgiving evening until the New Year, I will not hear my generation's music. No. I will be listening to Goddamn Bing Crosby and that fucking ditz Dolly Parton and her saccharine Hard Rock Candy Christmas until I fucking snap and drive the jeep down the sidewalk. Don't say I didn't warn you.

On the other hand, my generation's music sucked monkey balls. But still.

And a GREAT BIG FUCK YOU to relatives whom I hate, and who hate me. DON'T FUCKING CALL ME JUST BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS. If you feel you MUST, then don't be all shocked and butthurt when I treat you the way we always treat each other. Ebeneezer Scrooge was a Goddamn pantywaist liberal, to my yuletide eyes.

Do your part, America. Pimp slap a Salvation Army Santa today.

Or Kill Me.

My relatives still call me on Christmas, despite the fact that I haven't observed Christmas at all in roughly 14 years, and only did back then because of my ex.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on November 26, 2013, 02:59:30 AM


My relatives still call me on Christmas, despite the fact that I haven't observed Christmas at all in roughly 14 years, and only did back then because of my ex.

I would actually be okay with Christmas, if it weren't for the fucking music.

It's the sort of thing a psycho hears while he reaches for the surgical tools, know what I mean?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

P3nT4gR4m

I hate the radio all the fucking time. Couple of dozen tunes played over and over for weeks at a time. Christmas takes that shit to the wall. I could kinda respect it for that if it wasn't for the "fuck this. kill all humans" factor

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
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walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Junkenstein

Festive music is just another step towards the entertainment standards in "Demolition Man" becoming acceptable.

Listen to the monkeys around you. If there was a radio station that only played adverts, some fuckers would be listening. I bet you'd be scared about just how many too.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

I am very happy that so far in the UK I have not seen any evidence of Christmas madness. I really hope it stays that way.
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P3nT4gR4m

Quote from: Junkenstein on November 26, 2013, 12:22:27 PM
Festive music is just another step towards the entertainment standards in "Demolition Man" becoming acceptable.

Listen to the monkeys around you. If there was a radio station that only played adverts, some fuckers would be listening. I bet you'd be scared about just how many too.

I can't honestly tell the difference between adverts and chart music. "Demolition Man" became a reality for me fucking years ago  :argh!:

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Junkenstein

Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on November 26, 2013, 12:40:23 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 26, 2013, 12:22:27 PM
Festive music is just another step towards the entertainment standards in "Demolition Man" becoming acceptable.

Listen to the monkeys around you. If there was a radio station that only played adverts, some fuckers would be listening. I bet you'd be scared about just how many too.

I can't honestly tell the difference between adverts and chart music. "Demolition Man" became a reality for me fucking years ago  :argh!:

Chart music doesn't usually mention a price or list of locations where the product is available from.

That's my method, I'm occasionally wrong.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Suu

I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few remaining people in this world that still like Christmas. I'm okay with this.

I am NOT okay, however, with local stations playing 24/7 Christmas music the day after Halloween. NO! In fact, the idea of a 24/7 Christmas anything other than "A Christmas Story" on TV for ONE DAY OUT OF THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR is goddamn wrong. Throw in a bit of Bing in between my usual listening. Or blast some TSO or Mannheim on the rock station in between my usual listening, but goddamnit, stop it with the fucking overkill.

Oh, and Dominic the Donkey needs to go. Forever.
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"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

P3nT4gR4m

Quote from: Junkenstein on November 26, 2013, 01:35:50 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on November 26, 2013, 12:40:23 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 26, 2013, 12:22:27 PM
Festive music is just another step towards the entertainment standards in "Demolition Man" becoming acceptable.

Listen to the monkeys around you. If there was a radio station that only played adverts, some fuckers would be listening. I bet you'd be scared about just how many too.

I can't honestly tell the difference between adverts and chart music. "Demolition Man" became a reality for me fucking years ago  :argh!:

Chart music doesn't usually mention a price or list of locations where the product is available from.

That's my method, I'm occasionally wrong.

My brain refuses to process the words but somehow the banal, repetitive jingles don't get stopped at the gate.  :cry:

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Fuck Christmas. Christ wasn't even born this time of year. There shouldn't be ONE day a year where people are supposed to be decent to each other and aren't anyways. The music is fucking ridiculous. The insane amount of waste - in electricity and food and all the paper and plastic garbage generated this time of year . . . it's insanity. Fucking insanity.

All the people at work expecting extra cheery smiles with their order, and begging for discounts and special treatment 'because it's Christmas' while still refusing to tip or be decent. People hanging around in the store for even longer to chat with their loved ones or surf the 'net while listening to the canned Christmas music . . . and then leaving an even bigger mess than usual on the fucking floor.

Family members sending me texts and e-mails telling me all about the shit they couldn't be bothered to tell me during the rest of the year, promising to send me presents or pictures of the kids for really realz this year, only to start the same stupid arguments and threaten to with hold my gifts if I don't come home and quit being such a bitch because it's Christmas, god damn it. Then just out right threatening me and filling my inbox with spam and and fuck-you-grams . . . only to forget the whole thing by New Years, until next Christmas.

It's the most wonderful time of the year for so many special reasons. My heart is filled to bursting with warmth and caring for my fellow man.

Oh wait, it's acid reflux and ulcers.
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Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Anna Mae Bollocks

So far my neighbors haven't decorated their yards. I like that.

In Seguin you saw stuff like this:

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I want to make a statue of Santa on a crucifix breastfeeding baby Jesus.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Junkenstein

Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.