It's so charming, the stalkers, the way they show me their devotion and dedication so that they can prove to me that I should just GIVE THEM A CHANCE.

Advise them that you have standards, and they should watch Taxi Driver for details. Deniro has all the answers.
Perhaps that will be my next step. Although that reminds me, I need to change my OK Cupid status to "seeing someone", which I have been forgetting to do for about the last 2 years. I wonder what treasure trove of messages awaits?
Half of Portland, jacking off like monkeys in the zoo. 
It was a strange assortment of numerous "Hey baby"s, several guys telling me that my profile was funny, a couple of guys informing me that "Tauruses are the most interesting people" (Really? From what little I recall of astrology, we're hedonistic homebodies who do little more than lie around on satin pillows eating cheese) and one guy explaining what GIS is.
Well shit,
I can do that! No need to go all the way to OK Cupid to learn when you've got huge fucking nerdlords here on PeeDee.
What is GIS?
Geographical Information Systems. Advanced computer mapping software that lets you do spatial analyses of stuff, and also makes things like Google Maps work.
AIN'T THAT JUST PRIME ONLINE FLIRTING MATERIAL!? ARE YA GETTIN' STEAMY YET????
(unless it was a different acronym for "GIS" being discussed in which case I'm a huge tool)