Twas the night before Christmas.

[notloki]

"Twas the night before Christmas"

Twas the night before Christmas, so I was pissed off,
all my shit was quiet, not even a mouse to scoff.
Big fucking socks, were nailed to my wall,
because my stupid children thought St Nick would fill them all.

Those little fuckers, I'd already sent to bed
so that they would be asleep while their mom gave me head.
After we both came, we settled down to sleep,
my wife was out right away while I lay there counting sheep.

When out on my lawn there arose such a noise,
that I sprang from my bed, to yell at my boys.
Away to the window, I flew like a flash,
pissed off and exhausted, and ready to bash.

The moon on the breast, of the new fallen snow,
gave lustre to the bullshit happening below.
When what, to my bloodshot eyes should appear
but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

And worse, the driver, with his huge fucking ass
left big goddamn gouges all over my grass.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
waking my children he called them by name.

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

I ran to the chimney cause I knew what to do,
I'd heard of this bastard and how his sleigh flew.
As footsteps echoed down from the roof
I knew he had landed and here came the proof.

My kids had woke up and ran down to see
as a red coated intruder came down the chimney.
I hoisted my shotgun and took that fuck down,
because bitch this is Florida and we Stand Our Ground.

[hooplala]

Easy, bro.  We haven't even hit Halloween yet.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

OK, new guy. Schtick and all, you might just be pretty much OK.

[notloki]

Easy, bro.  We haven't even hit Halloween yet.

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious thread of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a beeping,
As of some one gently creeping, beeping to grab attention most.
`'Tis some spag,' I muttered, `beeping to grab attention most -
Only a spag, trying to boast.'

Ah, distinctly I did glean, that it wasn't even Halloween,
As so succinctly told to me by one of my favorite host.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From the site surcease of sorrow - sorrow for my burnt toast -
For the forgotten and overcooked bread that became my toast -
Nameless for the rest of post.

And the silken sad uncertain clicking of each of my keys sticking
Thrilled me - filled me with the urge to bring a noob to roast;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some spag beeping to grab attention most -
Some late spag beeping to grab attention most; -
Only a spag, trying to boast,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' thought I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I will toast;
But the fact is I was sleeping, and so gently you came creeping,
And so faintly my computer beeping, beeping so I could see your post,
That I scarce was sure I heard it' - here I clicked upon the post; -
Connection lost, no route to host.

[Doktor Howl]

 

[Eater of Clowns]

Easy, bro.  We haven't even hit Halloween yet.

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious thread of forgotten posts,
While I nodded, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a beeping,
As of some one gently creeping, beeping to grab attention most.
`'Tis some spag,' I muttered, `beeping to grab attention most -
Only a spag, trying to boast.'

Ah, distinctly I did glean, that it wasn't even Halloween,
As so succinctly told to me by one of my favorite host.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From the site surcease of sorrow - sorrow for my burnt toast -
For the forgotten and overcooked bread that became my toast -
Nameless for the rest of post.

And the silken sad uncertain clicking of each of my keys sticking
Thrilled me - filled me with the urge to bring a noob to roast;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some spag beeping to grab attention most -
Some late spag beeping to grab attention most; -
Only a spag, trying to boast,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' thought I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I will toast;
But the fact is I was sleeping, and so gently you came creeping,
And so faintly my computer beeping, beeping so I could see your post,
That I scarce was sure I heard it' - here I clicked upon the post; -
Connection lost, no route to host.

Wow.   

I am impressed.

[notloki]

It inspired by my original reply to Hoopla get eaten by that error.
(is why new IP displayed on it)

[LMNO]

This thread has put some really big plus signs in your favor, notloki.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

++ okayness in notloki's favor.

[notloki]

This thread has put some really big plus signs in your favor, notloki.

++ okayness in notloki's favor.

[Reginald Ret]

The Raven may just be my favourite poem.
I like your version too.
Please keep doing this.

[notloki]

HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!

Wonderful dreams of greatness and cheer
give way to waking nightmares and fear
Promise of life: excitement and fun
give way to terror and death when done.

There doesn't exist a single soul
That enters this world, paid in full.
Instead there's the debt under which we begin
The debt that will kill us, with no way to win

Life is a gift we did not request
and we're born with the curse of eventual death
No matter how hard you reach for the sky
Gravity and time will cause you to die.

So what do we do with this temporary gift?
Celebrate and pretend that the curse will lift?
Or should we ignore the inevitable end
And distract ourselves with a book and a friend?

We're all given time, a little or lot
This gift always kills us and leaves us to rot.
Why is a birthday an occasion for mirth
Why should we praise our distance from birth.

My birthday's not happy, not joyful nor great
It's just a reminder that I started late.
That my plans and my dreams and my zest for life
are passing me by without even strife

I could pick a god and try to believe
that beyond the end there exists a reprieve
But that wouldn't work for a guy like me
there's too many gods and none I can see.

Perhaps the solution is just to ignore
Pumped full of drugs and diseases and more
Wrecking my body until it's too worn,
congrats motherfucker, today you were born.

[notloki]

BIGOTRY:

Poor people suck, they are simply the WORST
Rich fuckers like me, will always come first
If you can't afford to live on the bay
i don't care what you say; get out of my way.

Minorities suck, they are simply the WORST
white people like me, will always come first
If you can't talk to cops without getting shot
I don't want to see you from the deck of my yacht.

Gay people suck, they are simply the WORST
Straight people like me will always come first
If you like the idea of dicks in your butt
you're either a chick or your dick should be cut

transgenders suck, they are simply the WORST
cis-gendered people like me should come first
If you use the bathroom meant for chicks
they should check you first for lack of dicks

WOMEN ALL SUCK, they are simply the WORST
Macho men will always come first
if you tell my wife I said such a thing
I'll be forced to pawn my wedding ring

BIGOTS ALL SUCK, THEY ARE SIMPLY THE WORST
people who LOGIC should always come first
if you think the previous rhymes were true
you're part of the problem and man, FUCK YOU

[notloki]

So, nobody asked, but I feel an explanation is in order.

I am an alt account.  My regular account is "trix".

Originally, this account was created not for me, but for others.  My local Cabal, which I almost never mention online, was sitting around my house one day getting stoned and pretending our stupid pranks were making some sort of difference.  One thing i tend to do is bring up posts from PD that I especially like and/or are especially relevant so the folks in my Cabal can read them and discuss.  Most of them do not spend much time online.

Anyway, occasionally someone will say something like "you should say xxx" or ask a question, but not have an account with which to do so, and seem uninterested in making their own account.

So the idea was hatched to make an anonymous torbrowser account named notloki, and give him a stupid fake accent that anybody can easily replicate, and then anybody can post under that account using the fake accent and pretend it's all the same anonymous person.

However, while a few one-liner responses were made with the account, it fell into disuse quickly and nobody actually put forth any real content to PD using the notloki moniker.  So, I did.  I started this thread and posted what you see.  Since everyone else gave up on this idea and account I took it over up until I forgot the password one day and went back to being trix.

So there you have it.

Back to your regularly scheduled bad poetry.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

So, nobody asked, but I feel an explanation is in order.

I am an alt account.  My regular account is "trix".

Originally, this account was created not for me, but for others.  My local Cabal, which I almost never mention online, was sitting around my house one day getting stoned and pretending our stupid pranks were making some sort of difference.  One thing i tend to do is bring up posts from PD that I especially like and/or are especially relevant so the folks in my Cabal can read them and discuss.  Most of them do not spend much time online.

Anyway, occasionally someone will say something like "you should say xxx" or ask a question, but not have an account with which to do so, and seem uninterested in making their own account.

So the idea was hatched to make an anonymous torbrowser account named notloki, and give him a stupid fake accent that anybody can easily replicate, and then anybody can post under that account using the fake accent and pretend it's all the same anonymous person.

However, while a few one-liner responses were made with the account, it fell into disuse quickly and nobody actually put forth any real content to PD using the notloki moniker.  So, I did.  I started this thread and posted what you see.  Since everyone one else gave up on this idea and account I took it over up until I forgot the password one day and went back to being trix.

So there you have it.

Back to your regularly scheduled bad poetry.

You kind of have to choose one account or the other.  I have two accounts, but only one is active at a time.  This is ECH's rule, and he kind of owns the joint.