Tips for knocking off those pesky Bucket List items

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Ambition outpaced your talent? Are the icebergs on your To Do list getting out of hand? Never fear! Here are some helpful tips for technically accomplishing all those things you meant to but in fact suck too much at life to ever really do.

Sing on Broadway
Remember: Broadway is just a street! Travel to NYC, plant yourself on the sidewalk, and make noises with your mouth hole until you are rendered unconscious by offended passers-by or police officers. That was easy!
If travel is too expensive for you at the moment, check to see if your town has a street named Broadway.

Climb Mt. Everest
Make a big pile of snow and name it Mt. Everest. For added challenge, use the large snow piles in your local shopping center parking lot instead. Be sure to add a sign and some faux Tibetan prayer flags for the full effect!

Write a Novel
If you wanted to be really cheeky about it, you could just write the words "a novel" and be done with it, but I think we can do better than that. Instead, take all the random text files you've been saving of half-finished short stories and aborted novel attempts and paste all the contents into one file. If you don't break 50k words with that, write some original filler material or paste in almost anything else. To do lists, grocery lists, old school essays: as long as you wrote it, it's fair game! Throw in some arbitrary chapter breaks and call it a day.

Finish your Degree
Print up a diploma from "Backalley University." Ask a local homeless individual to sign and award you with this document. You'll probably have to pay them, but it'll be less expensive than an online university, and nearly as prestigious!

[Reginald Ret]

 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Ambition outpaced your talent? Are the icebergs on your To Do list getting out of hand? Never fear! Here are some helpful tips for technically accomplishing all those things you meant to but in fact suck too much at life to ever really do.

Sing on Broadway
Remember: Broadway is just a street! Travel to NYC, plant yourself on the sidewalk, and make noises with your mouth hole until you are rendered unconscious by offended passers-by or police officers. That was easy!
If travel is too expensive for you at the moment, check to see if your town has a street named Broadway.

Climb Mt. Everest
Make a big pile of snow and name it Mt. Everest. For added challenge, use the large snow piles in your local shopping center parking lot instead. Be sure to add a sign and some faux Tibetan prayer flags for the full effect!

Write a Novel
If you wanted to be really cheeky about it, you could just write the words "a novel" and be done with it, but I think we can do better than that. Instead, take all the random text files you've been saving of half-finished short stories and aborted novel attempts and paste all the contents into one file. If you don't break 50k words with that, write some original filler material or paste in almost anything else. To do lists, grocery lists, old school essays: as long as you wrote it, it's fair game! Throw in some arbitrary chapter breaks and call it a day.

Finish your Degree
Print up a diploma from "Backalley University." Ask a local homeless individual to sign and award you with this document. You'll probably have to pay them, but it'll be less expensive than an online university, and nearly as prestigious!

I might just try to accomplish all of these things, along with extensive photographic documentation.