Dear Wizard Joseph: This is How it Happened.

[Doktor Howl]

It was the ultimate dream up, and it turned out to be the very last team up.  We were all there...LMNO (the Cuban Superman), Delores Nigel (a villain to be sure, but you don't take sides against your fellows when the stakes are the end of everything that is cool and/or absurd), Hirley0 (sort of like Doctor Xavier, but more down to Earth), Cain the Brain, and the others.

When JehovahBubba arrived, we were as ready as we could possibly be; this is not the same as being ready.  The Old Testament Space God wasn't just another Lex Luthor, after all.  He was a God.

He hit Delores Nigel so hard that her first name fell off...And when she impacted in Portland, she bent it, which is why the rules are different based on which side of the river you are on.  She lost all her powers except for her teeth and her drink ray.

LMNO put the sexy time on Jehovahbubba, which bought us some time at what can only be considered a fearful cost.  He stomped all the Cuba out of LMNO.  He is still fabulous, but it isn't quite the same.  For example, he has to be in the same state as a woman to give her an orgasm.

Cain the Brain was so badly mauled that he now believes he was born in Australia, despite his ability to walk upright.  Richter was blown into two dimensions and is now the sharpest knife in the drawer, if you'll pardon the expression.

Hirley0 blew the ballast tanks just as Jehovahbubba started in on me.  I wasn't beaten as hard, so only Hirley0 and I remember any of this, although as the only untouched one of us, he is the only remaining person to remember our language.

Tunguska Crater is but one of the results of Hirley0 trying to punch into this boring sub-universe to save us.  I couldn't help him aim because I can no longer speak in color, so we are still stuck in this banal, grinding horror that the locals think is normal.

So that's what happened.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Damn. The history they teach in schools these days just doesn't do it justice.

[Richter]

On the plus side I am VERY Good at board games now.

Leln - it's hard to explian but she knows books know.  All about them, all of what's in them, and how to find it.  It makes more sense when you understand the practicalitites of any sort of omniscience.  Could have been worse - Cainad got the same thing but related to stones, after all.

When we finally got up far enough that the drive system had something to grab onto again it was all getting fuzzy - like how we made a reactionless drive powered by slack in the first place, or how running down the flight deck in chaps and a stetson would have NEGATIVE cosequences now.  I'll explain it when I can - it will jsut take awhile with a 2 D brain...

[Doktor Howl]

or how running down the flight deck in chaps and a stetson would have NEGATIVE cosequences now.

They used to call us heroes.

[Richter]

or how running down the flight deck in chaps and a stetson would have NEGATIVE cosequences now.

They used to call us heroes.

Now we're "Not safe for work".  Unless I need a face shield tucked in my belt to keep sparks off my balls, I fail to see the safety issue.

I'm never allowed to do this again by the way.

(Something about opaque clothing only, and the ultraviolet spectrum doesn't count.)

[Doktor Howl]

I guess, besides Jehovabubba, the hardest villain we ever fought was Payne, aka "The Absence", who was present at each and every crime he claimed to have had nothing to do with.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Whoa. 

Pretty sure this is a lost fragment of the Holy Book of That Shit Whats Real.

[Doktor Howl]

Whoa. 

Pretty sure this is a lost fragment of the Holy Book of That Shit Whats Real.

I am working on our origins stories.

[Doktor Howl]

And how is it that I have never heard of this book?  Perhaps it is one of the things I came to Earth to share.  Before I got drunk in Hackensack and forgot what I was going to say.  And woke up with my power ring jammed somewhere that made it inconvenient to use.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Whoa. 

Pretty sure this is a lost fragment of the Holy Book of That Shit Whats Real.

I am working on our origins stories.

I kind of love the fuck out of it.

[Eater of Clowns]

I worked at a preschool years back, before I figured out I wasn't the right guy for that job. Once a week an old man came by and told stories and he'd mention the old greats and the kids would ask for a different story instead, the one about the house that ate your clothes or the dog that thought it was a horse. But sitting in the back there, keeping an eye out for pokers and fidgeters he'd catch my eye and hold it a second. None of that stuff was real but something about it made you wish it was. Not because you wanted it to be but because that was how it was supposed to be, wasn't it?

[LMNO]

And then everything defaulted to MAIN.

[The Wizard Joseph]

  


Hirley0 is definitely safe in his little subrealm... for as long as the battery backup systems can last in a thermal void. Bon chance.

Are you quite sure you want to go digging Doktor? The Boss buries things deeply and in the most terrible places. Especially memories.

When my labor duties conclude we shall see what dreams may come.

[EK WAFFLR]

 

[The Wizard Joseph]

I remember little bits. It about as clear to me as a 5 foot thick uranium lined curtain separating me from the actual memory like they're the Holy of Holies..
BUT I feel them a little. At the edges of my mind. Way back in the Day I feel like agreements got made and broken and it all went south so quickly.

The straw that broke the lightly burdened camel that started the avalanche that had always been there awaiting a good solid nudge. The no nudging sign was made of straw. Sometimes I wonder if it was a set up. And who set up what. The sign commission never used to use straw.

It's all so confusing. Some days I feel like a narrator that the Great ST talked into playing a pc. But that's pretty nuts so I stick to the Mounds bar no matter if I feel like a nut or not. It's been so very long since I last allowed myself an Almond Joy.

Mmmm... solipsistic candy bar commercial. Tasty but not exactly good for me.

The commercial is a lie. They both have nuts... they are made of coconut. Nobody seems to notice because of the clever, catchy jingle.

Jingle magic is a very dark art methinks.