OPEN BAR: Top 10 things millenials hate about OB that we didn't know last week!

[Doktor Howl]

Fact:  You're a domestic abuser waiting to happen.

I'll take your harshness as a sign that you have a predisposed opinion of me that is twisting your perspective, as well as a sign that you lack a clear enough perspective of the situation to have a relevant opinion. My frankness when it comes to describing people and relationships is misleading to those who look for behavioral/psychological insight and connotation in peoples' interpersonal vocabulary.

No, my harshness is that your recent posts have been a study in how not to act like a fucking human being.

[Pæs]

I'm not qualified to diagnose antisocial personality disorders but even if I was I imagine you'd find a way to rationalise away any such criticism.

[POFP]

I'm not qualified to diagnose antisocial personality disorders but even if I was I imagine you'd find a way to rationalise away any such criticism.

"Disorder" tends to imply a lack of self-awareness, or lack of awareness of one's actions on other people and situations. I think I'm quite aware of the consequences that my actions create for myself and others. The only times my views damage me or my relationships with other people are when my views are expressed, openly, to others. I could've kept quiet and you'd have never known the difference. At least I put it out in the open for all to analyze and criticize. I could just internalize it and hate myself, leading to emotional instability and heinous crime, or blame others for my problems and live in useless squalor. Your criticisms are far more valuable to me than compartmentalization.

I will live my life the way I choose, and I will eventually meet my maker. Same as any of you.

[President Television]

I'm not qualified to diagnose antisocial personality disorders but even if I was I imagine you'd find a way to rationalise away any such criticism.

"Disorder" tends to imply a lack of self-awareness, or lack of awareness of one's actions on other people and situations. I think I'm quite aware of the consequences that my actions create for myself and others. The only times my views damage me or my relationships with other people are when my views are expressed, openly, to others. I could've kept quiet and you'd have never known the difference. At least I put it out in the open for all to analyze and criticize. I could just internalize it and hate myself, leading to emotional instability and heinous crime, or blame others for my problems and live in useless squalor. Your criticisms are far more valuable to me than compartmentalization.

I will live my life the way I choose, and I will eventually meet my maker. Same as any of you.

Wow, Paes. It came true so quickly.

[Doktor Howl]

What it sounds like is that he's trying to isolate his GF.

Sort of like Von Melee did with Nurse Mayhem.

[Cain]

Skyrim stream done.

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

My goal is to better her life, and as a result, better mine. Solving her problems gives me practice at solving problems and manipulating people. It gives me an insight into how people react in certain situations, giving me a better understanding of people with the same behavioral patterns and mentalities. It also teaches me things about myself. If that makes me the "bad guy," then I don't care about being good. I understand my goals and their effects on other people. I accept the consequences and still love myself. If I something happens that changes my mind later down the road, so be it. I change. I am a person. I am dynamic (To an extent).


Also, I'd like to add that I never stated that I was dating the love of my life. I don't lie to her by telling her I love her. I'm actually quite honest with her about almost everything. My controlling nature and all. And she accepts it. You may have a problem with it, but she doesn't even want to count her previous relationships because this one is so successful in her eyes. She's told me, over and over again, that meeting me was probably the best thing that ever happened to her, and that she's learned so much from me about herself, and that she takes me for granted all the time. I don't emotionally manipulate her. I use carefully crafted proposals and ideas to get her to have epiphanies about situations. Almost none of which ever have to do with the relationship. They usually have to do with things like the fact that she used to think everything Creationists think. Took care of that in just a few months. She even started questioning her faith in God. And I didn't even try to push her away from God. I just tried to push her into skepticism and scientific reasoning.

People aren't training wheels, toys, tools, or things for you to hone your manipulation skills on.

Well, not all of them. I care about a few people. And I care about more people the more I spend time with them.

I just stated that she was a person making her own, educated decision in regards to dating me and taking my advice. I'm just pissed that she won't take my advice even though the logic is blatantly sound. I associate refusal to accept sound logic with stupidity.

You are stuck in the logic trap that your advice is good because your logic is sound in terms of getting what you want from the situation. You are the only person who has agency in the logical scenario you are setting up.

However, what you don't have is her perspective. You are operating from a paternalistic state of arrogance, which is also a state of ignorance.

You seem to consider this a form of personal development. From my experience in dealing with personality-disordered people, the direction you are developing yourself into is one in which you surround yourself with people you can manipulate, and never develop the skills to relate to or cope with people who are strong-willed, self-possessed, intelligent, and resistant to manipulation. In other words, if you continue down this path, your future is to be the kingpin in a circle jerk of dysfunctional losers.

I really hope you do have the genuine capacity to learn how to relate normally to other human beings, you seem reasonably intelligent and like you potentially have something to contribute to society, if you knuckle down and put the work into it.

Let me tell you a story:

One day, my girlfriend got herself into a fight with her parents. The result of this fight was physical abuse (Punching, dragging, etc.), emotional abuse (Blaming of family problems on her that she had nothing to do with), and total destruction of her ability to do anything for months. The next day, I had her send a few carefully crafted messages to her mother that would break her down and force her to look at herself as the enemy. I told her that if the message didn't work, that I'd never give her advice again.

She sent the messages. She got every freedom and privilege she could've ever wanted. I gave her instructions on how to keep her parents in a state that would leave her with these freedoms and privileges at all times. She was so amazed, so happy, so at peace with everything. But she failed to follow the second set of instructions. So she lost it all by the next day.

She benefits, and she knows it. She just needs reminded.

EDIT: More will be added once I get the chance to charge my tablet. It will die any minute now.

EDIT2: It just so happens I prefer being around strong-willed people, the most. I admire them the most. All of my friends tend to be strong-willed. I am doing this because where I want to go in life involves crushing much of the opposition through manipulation. Or, at least, that's the most expedient method of getting there.

Fact:  You're a domestic abuser waiting to happen.

I'll take your harshness as a sign that you have a predisposed opinion of me that is twisting your perspective, as well as a sign that you lack a clear enough perspective of the situation to have a relevant opinion. My frankness when it comes to describing people and relationships is misleading to those who look for behavioral/psychological insight and connotation in peoples' interpersonal vocabulary.

No, my harshness is that your recent posts have been a study in how not to act like a fucking human being.

You're not being productive. You're just insulting. Your opinion has been taken under advisement. Unless you have something useful to say, I have nothing more to say to you.

Actually, I would like to point out that I see human beings do what I do, and worse, all the time. It is in human nature. I am a human being. Your problem is that you can't accept that human beings can also be bad, I guess.

The fact that you manipulate others isnt made more okay by the idea that you are trying to teach other people to do the same. It just make you seem less like an abuser and more like a wannabe cult leader. "Oh yea i can get you everything you ever wnted if you just listen to everything i say and follow my directions down to the letter. Your life could be so perfect if you just let me make all your decisions for you."

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

I'm not qualified to diagnose antisocial personality disorders but even if I was I imagine you'd find a way to rationalise away any such criticism.

"Disorder" tends to imply a lack of self-awareness, or lack of awareness of one's actions on other people and situations. I think I'm quite aware of the consequences that my actions create for myself and others. The only times my views damage me or my relationships with other people are when my views are expressed, openly, to others. I could've kept quiet and you'd have never known the difference. At least I put it out in the open for all to analyze and criticize. I could just internalize it and hate myself, leading to emotional instability and heinous crime, or blame others for my problems and live in useless squalor. Your criticisms are far more valuable to me than compartmentalization.

I will live my life the way I choose, and I will eventually meet my maker. Same as any of you.

that doesn't seem to fit with any definition of mental disorder I've ever heard of, which is generally determined by whether or not a pattern of behavior poses a threat to the well-being of oneself or others. This kind of stuff might get you what you want, but it subjugating your gfs agency in her own life aint good for her, especially if your intent is to help her be a "more confident and assertive person". stuff like that never happens from the outside in. It takes a lot of supporting a person to do that for themselves, confidence and self-esteem isn't something you can beat into someone until they "get it".

[Don Coyote]

Okay. I maintain that "She is stupid if she listened to me all her problems would be solved" is still worth examining as a potential problem even if you don't think you explicitly share that perspective.

I'll take that into consideration.

Yea, I'm gonna hafta agree. Even if you have her best interests in mind, the way you presenting things doesnt sound supportive at all. Shes probably already on the defensive because of the pressure her folks are putting on her, so your "advice" is probably coming across as yet another attack, which is causing her to feel attacked on all sides, which will make her more panicked and less likely to calmly make a rational decision in any case. If you really want to help, you need to take another look at how you're communicating.

This is actually VERY helpful, because it confirms what I already suspected. I was considering that maybe the way I was bringing it up to her could've been a bit contradictory to my goals, in the sense that it would elicit emotional responses that hinder reasoning. I will definitely take this into consideration.

Holy fuck, Nigel. The last month for you has not been kind. I'm talking to all kinds of people right now that are having incredibly shitty luck, too.

My friend's tire blew on Wednesday. He lost control and swerved off into a ditch. The car flipped over and he may have broken a knuckle.

My girlfriend is incapable of avoiding trouble with her parents, so she almost got kicked out last night because they claimed to have looked through her phone messages and found "proof" that I snuck into their house during the night, several times. Which is complete bullshit. But they're so sure that I did that they're willing to make up any lie about it. They're paranoid psychos. The thing is, they're predictable, but she's too stupid to use that to her advantage. And she won't take any of my advice. If I wasn't at risk to get the cops called on me, I'd just ignore that situation. If she refuses help or to solve the problem, then I should be able to just ignore it. But it involves the accusation that I committed a crime. The thing is, it's all just threats. It's just a control mechanism that her parents are using on her. If she listened to everything I said, the problem would be fixed in a week. But she doesn't have enough self-control to react with reason. She's so emotional and vulnerable to manipulation.

And then there's another endless list of people with uninteresting, but unfortunate circumstances affecting their lives in the past month. Everything's just all-around stressful and shitty for everyone.

I appreciate the extension of sympathy, thank you.

I do have to say though, that while I realize that you are very very young, between this and an earlier post you made about your girlfriend and her relationship with her parents, and your relationship with both her and her parents, it sounds like you lack respect for her, and her parents, and her relationship with her parents, and it also sounds like you are rather manipulative and controlling, and that, honestly, you might just be the bad guy in the picture.

I respect her enough to try and make sure her life is easier.

Of course I don't respect her parents. Her parents are scum. Honestly, I think her torment, as well as my inconveniences, would end, vanquish with their lives. I pray for car accidents every day. And if you knew what they did to her, you would probably feel the same way.

Her relationship with her parents is a demonstration of abusive parents and their systems of control and dependency issues. Why would I respect that?

"You are rather manipulative and controlling..." ~ You have no idea. That is an understatement.

My goal is to better her life, and as a result, better mine. Solving her problems gives me practice at solving problems and manipulating people. It gives me an insight into how people react in certain situations, giving me a better understanding of people with the same behavioral patterns and mentalities. It also teaches me things about myself. If that makes me the "bad guy," then I don't care about being good. I understand my goals and their effects on other people. I accept the consequences and still love myself. If I something happens that changes my mind later down the road, so be it. I change. I am a person. I am dynamic (To an extent).


Also, I'd like to add that I never stated that I was dating the love of my life. I don't lie to her by telling her I love her. I'm actually quite honest with her about almost everything. My controlling nature and all. And she accepts it. You may have a problem with it, but she doesn't even want to count her previous relationships because this one is so successful in her eyes. She's told me, over and over again, that meeting me was probably the best thing that ever happened to her, and that she's learned so much from me about herself, and that she takes me for granted all the time. I don't emotionally manipulate her. I use carefully crafted proposals and ideas to get her to have epiphanies about situations. Almost none of which ever have to do with the relationship. They usually have to do with things like the fact that she used to think everything Creationists think. Took care of that in just a few months. She even started questioning her faith in God. And I didn't even try to push her away from God. I just tried to push her into skepticism and scientific reasoning.

Dude, you might want to unfuck yourself. It really sounds like you view your girlfriend as some manner of accessory instead of an actual person. You sound like someone who took some freshman level philosophy courses with a swelled head trying to gain a disciple to the one true way of rational skepticalism. You sound emotionally manipulative.

[Don Coyote]

Fact:  You're a domestic abuser waiting to happen.

I'll take your harshness as a sign that you have a predisposed opinion of me that is twisting your perspective, as well as a sign that you lack a clear enough perspective of the situation to have a relevant opinion. My frankness when it comes to describing people and relationships is misleading to those who look for behavioral/psychological insight and connotation in peoples' interpersonal vocabulary.

You're in a relationship with someone whose opinions and feelings you don't demonstrate any caring and rather demonstrate condescension towards her. There are all kinds of level of abuse. The frequent disapproval and negation of decisions and feelings is one of them.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I can't tell whether to cut this putative shithead more slack because he's on some level just a naive kid, or whether to just give the fuck up on it and block him so I don't have to read any more of his authentically stupid shit.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm not qualified to diagnose antisocial personality disorders but even if I was I imagine you'd find a way to rationalise away any such criticism.

Neither am I.

But I'd bet my psychology degree on it.

[Demolition Squid]

I read Fernando's posts as falling into a trap I've seen way too often with my nerdy friends growing up - fetishizing logic.

He believes he knows the logical, rational way his girlfriend should be living her life. Therefore she should just do it because logic is the most important thing.

The problem is, human beings don't give a fuck about logic. Nor should they. There's no inherent good in living 'logically'. In fact, most people live emotionally and impulsively, and that's just fine. Reason has its place as a decision-making tool, but if you only ever live life doing what is 'rational' or 'logical', you're not going to do very much living at all.

I don't think he's an abuser waiting to happen; I just think he's a bit arrogant in believing he's worked out how this whole 'life' thing is supposed to go, and he finds it frustrating that other people seem to have different priorities that lead to different outcomes.

[Pæs]

I was trying to determine whether he genuinely doesn't care about others or whether it's part of a schtick he's adopted, bundled with the logic fetish Demo Squid mentions.

Then I realised that through text over the internet he's going to be functionally the same to deal with.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I was trying to determine whether he genuinely doesn't care about others or whether it's part of a schtick he's adopted, bundled with the logic fetish Demo Squid mentions.

Then I realised that through text over the internet he's going to be functionally the same to deal with.

Pretty much, yeah.